Class, as you know,
here at Luther Vandross Preparatory Academy,
we love diverse perspectives.
Last week at career day, we heard from a firewoman.
And today, we're gonna meet a real doctor.
-Yes. -I want to be a doctor!
Well, all you have to do is say it!
Like I did.
Excuse me, please.
I'm Dr. Hadassah Olayinka Ali-Youngman, pre-PhD.
As-salamu alaykum,
Uh, say, "Good morning," children.
ALL: Good morning.
Good "mourning"? Who's in mourning?
See, see, see, the White man
will have you speaking death into the top of your day.
Try to kill your dreams just like they killed UPN.
-Write it down! -Sweetie, you don't need to take notes on this.
You need to take notes on this!
It's Black history!
You know UPN, kids?
One on One? Girlfriends?
Cuts? Eve? All of Us? Half and Half?
Nothing?
Veronica Mars...
I'm sorry, they're all nine. So... no.
Kids, when I say,
you say...
Wa 'alaykumu s-salam,
That is correct my young king.
Very good.
Now today, I'm here to talk to you
about my new self-published, pre-Pulitzer book.
Isn't every book pre-Pulitzer?
-Charlotte's Web...
-...of Lies.
Well, at least there's still a pig.
You like pigs? Huh?
No, no, no, my young queen!
See, see, see, the FDA funds the swine industry
to de-stabilize the Black community.
Is that what you want?
Do you like bacon?
Well bacon breaks down to "ba-con."
"Ba," because they want to cozy up to us,
and "con" 'cause it's been a conspiracy the whole time.
You think it's breakfast, I say it's a travesty.
Oh, fun!
Class, isn't it fun to hear new ideas,
no matter how strange?
Remember our opinion sock.
Opinions, if you just have one, it's no fun.
-Right? -A white sock with a pink toe?
In a class full of Black children?
It's a sock.
It's probably made out of cotton too.
-Lord Jesus. -That's what they make socks out of.
You know what? You know what kind of sock I have?
No sock, okay?
You don't have any lotion on either, but...
Because it's white!
-Yes? -What kind of doctor are you?
Great question, Jacoby.
Pre-PhD, it says it right here.
That's not a thing.
In the writing, typed it myself.
My dad's a nutritionist.
Can't you just teach us about the food pyramid or something?
(MIMICS JACOBY)
Okay, that's a child.
You want to learn about pyramids?
The food pyramid.
Chapter eight, "Pyramids and other things
White people would rather give aliens credit for
than Black people."
See, see, see--
-STUDENT: "See, see, see..." -(LAUGHTER)
ALL: "See, see, see, see, see see..."
TEACHER: My hair? Yes, I did cut it.
My roommate says I look like Chaka Khan.
Four divided by two is?
Anyone?
Yes, Hailey.
Hadassah.
Thank you.
Gonna ring soon. Keep it quick.
Okay, so, four divided by two is...
another Black family broken up by the oppressor.
See, see, see... The division symbol itself
represents the Black man and the Black woman
separated by the wall of White supremacy.
Four divided by two equals two.
So, "see, see, see" your way back to your seat...
Hailey.
ALL: "See, see, see, see, see, see, see..."
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
(MIMICKING CONTINUES)
Cease, cease, cease your chuckles.
Laughter is not the best medicine.
African Black soap is. Everybody knows it.
MS. FROST: Uh, class, let's be nice.
Yes, Dr. Hadassah has shared some unique perspectives
with us today, but that's no need to be rude.
And I'll read the website more closely next time, sorry.
RAMNIK: Well, I for one am very, very intrigued.
♪ (AFRICAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
Rahim's dad.
Pardon the intrusion, Ms. Frost.
I need to pick up my seed early.
Bilal's brother is performing at Hilltop Coffee at 1:00 PM.
Oh, yeah, great reason to take a kid away from school.
Peace, most high queen.
Peace and Black power, my most respected...
and chiseled king.
Please, just call me Supreme Ramnik.
(GASPS)
Your eyes, they are...
so Egyptian.
HADASSAH: Thank you, my pharaoh.
I don't think I've ever seen a brow that manly.
How did you do it?
-I was carved out of the homeland. -(GASPS)
What is happening?
I love your stones. Where did you get these?
Swap meet.
Me too.
(GASPS)
And your scent, oh...
like a cherry blossom by the airport.
-Mmm. -Mmm.
-Mmm. -Mmm-mmm-mmm.
-Mmm. -(SIGHS)
Rahim, you ready?
Yeah, you know what? Take him. I'm tired of being addressed as "Female".
Uh... I have an extra ticket.
Yes.
Allow me to escort you?
MS. FROST: Okay, open your math books.
Learn something.
Marcus, your dad's still single, right?