Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video
I'm super excited because I feel like I say that every video do I say that in every video?
Comment down below if I can say that before every video because a thing to do
but anyways, I want to get into female narcissus and
Really? I want to talk about the covert female narcissus
So I get a lot of questions from you guys on asking me, you know
How do I spot this type of a person when I'm dating if it's a friendship, like I feel like this person has traits
I don't want to diagnose them. I get comments from people saying narcissism is everywhere
Why is everyone talking about it and for me personally? I think it's great to educate yourself
but I don't think it's wise to just go around starting to diagnose everyone since
I'm not a professional to be able to diagnose someone either. Are you and quite frankly feel like narcissism is such a
gray area there are definitely
Specifics that will help, you know, whether someone really truly has MPD but there are definitely just some people that might have narcissistic tendencies
And just people that are toxic and unhealthy, so I think it's good to understand. What's healthy
What's not healthy so you can decipher not if someone's narcissistic?
But really is this person healthy period so before we get into this week's video I am Stephanie. My name is Stephanie
I'm a life and relationship coach
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I do upload a new video with a brand new topic. So let's get right into this week's video
I love these types of videos because you know, there are so many people out there that know a little bit of information
There are people that are just opening their eyes to like really what's going on with this person. She seems a little
Odd at times and I feel like something's wrong in this relationship
but I can't put my finger on it and I feel like some of the things that she's doing is abusive and
Because we didn't grow up in a world where we were educated on emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse
You know, what is a healthy relationship really look like whether that's romantic relationship or friendship
Because we don't really always understand these topics. I don't know why they're not in school, but that's okay
There should definitely be a life a life
class in high school and college that you take that kind of educates you on so many things but
That's a whole nother video and campaign. Um
But I think it's good to educate yourself that way, you know
what are the traits of someone who is a covert narcissist and
If you have been diving into narcissism
then you'll know that there are different types of narcissists and they all basically are doing the same thing they're doing
Specific tactics that are categorized under what type of narcissist they are
So they use these tactics to get what I'm sure we've all heard before is a narcissistic supply now
Narcissistic supply is basically the ability to get things from the outside
Right, so I'm I'm a taker
All right, because I'm unhealthy, so I'm a taker and I want to take things in order to make me feel good
So I want to take things in order to give me what I want. I want to take things to
Make my self-esteem
Increase a little bit because maybe I'm feeling a little low right now. I want to take to control another person
Ultimately to get my good what I want from that person so narcissus in general are takers
Codependence but this is just a side topic. But so you guys can understand
Codependents are the givers. So if I give then I'm going to get I'm gonna get, you know, love admiration
I'm gonna get you thinking that I'm a great person
I'm going to get where you never leave me because I give you everything that you need
So, why would you leave me? You're gonna love me forever, right?
So it's the same thing that an arsonist is doing the only difference between a narcissist and a codependent is the codependent
Has empathy where a narcissist does not have empathy?
But they kind of operate in similar ways
They just use different tactics, but let's get back on topic here covert female narcissists now
I'm sure we've all heard of the term overt narcissist. So the overt is very
You know
Extravagant, they're overly narcissistic
So you blatantly know that this person is fooling themselves
That they have a grand ego the world revolves around them
so it's very obvious in this person a covert is
very is more difficult to spot because they have the ability to
Appear to be like a normal caring loving compassionate person
So the covert isn't gonna have as many traits as what a typical
narcissist or
overt narcissist would have
They're going to have these traits that you don't typically see when you think of a narcissist
So they're gonna be a little bit more reserved
They're gonna be a little bit more shy they're going to be a little bit more sensitive to what people think of them
So, like I said, they're going to appear to be a good-hearted
Compassionate loving person. So the female you think she's the great girl, right?
You think she's loving and thoughtful and caring but there are three main points to the covert female
Narcissist that most people forget about they love to play the victim
They can never handle criticism and they are extremely
Needy now. Those are like the main main points, but there are other aspects to a
Covert female narcissist that we're gonna get into one of the first things is in terms of your relationship
You're always going to be the one carrying the weight and what I mean by that is you can't ever
Expect a covert to do things like give you compliments. So you have to understand. Why is this even a problem?
Well because in a relationship there has to be that kind of give-and-take in a relationship, right?
Like I'm healthy and secure in myself that I can complement you. I can look at all of your talents
I can look at who you are as a person and I can be in awe of that
I'm not jealous of it, but I can be an AW. I can appreciate it
I can value it and I want you to know what it is that I think of you and how I view you
Someone who is a covert is not going to be able to do that because you're dealing with someone with an extremely fragile
Ego and someone with very very low self-esteem
So if I'm a person with extreme low self-esteem
Then in order for me to use the energy and the strength to build you up
It's going to make me feel even worse building you up
Giving you those complements carrying the weight in the relationship here and there because I don't have any of those things
I'm not a strong person. I have low self-esteem. I have a little view of myself. I'm really reserved. I'm really shy
Um, I don't know how to be myself. I don't even know who that person is
So because of all of that
They really struggle with being able to kind of sit in a space for someone else and you know
Let your partner kind of shine for a minute, right?
That's the give-and-take is we let our partner shine then we shine and we have this great kind of
Balance in the relationship and someone who's a covert is never going to be able to do that
so you're gonna feel a lot of emotional neglect in the relationship because are you gonna feel like they're not emotionally there for you because
They can't be there for you. They can't even be there for themselves
And like I said, you're going to see this person. You're going to see kind of
Their ability to be a normal person right? You're going to see their ability to be loving and caring and things like that. But again,
Everything's an agenda. So there was a reason for why they're doing what they're doing
Cuz if you think about it when someone just does something
free will by themselves you see who someone's character is so when you see this kind of like
Performance that's being done. It kind of like triggers you to think, okay?
this person always is loving and compassionate and there for me when they need something number one or
And them doing this and giving this
Performance again is narcissistic supply so I'm gonna give a little bit so you see that I'm a normal person
So you can kind of I don't want to say fall into the trap
But just think that I'm normal and loving and caring when in reality
none of what I'm doing is actually even genuine because there's a motive behind everything that I do now when we talk about
Being very sensitive to criticism. So what I mean by that is they're going to feel very
Humiliated by what it is that you're saying they might get extremely defensive or just very dismissive with it
It kind of depends on the drink of choice. They might get a very defensive with it
And you know, here's the thing do any of us like criticism
No, but when we do receive it, maybe not in that moment
But later on we can at least take a step back and and ask ourselves
Is this like what do I think about what this person said?
Do I want to do something differently and we kind of like do a little like self-exam at that point a self check-in
where someone who's narcissistic is not going to be able to do that but something that screams covert is
The victimhood so someone who lives in a victim state
so this female she thinks that the world's out to get her that she's the helpless poor victim to every
situation and circumstance that happens and the reason why the covert plays the victim card so so well is because
That gets them sympathy that gets them narcissistic supply that gets them someone who is loving
compassionate to enable their
bad behavior or their neglectful behavior or you know them not being emotionally present in the relationship like
Whatever it is
It forces the person that's in a relationship with a covert to look at the covert is like oh my god this poor person
Look at everything that's happened to them. Where is a healthy adult will say absolutely. I will validate you all day long that yes
It's stunk that this happened to you
Yes, like life isn't easy sometimes and we're put in crappy situations, but it's time to get up now
We can't ponder in the monkey water of victimhood forever
So anyone that's really healthy would never fully enable a covert narcissus
Especially the female who loves to play the victim
because
They don't operate like that themselves. They might validate their own feelings
But they don't live in a victimhood State now again, the victimhood could be what was me? I'm not good at this
I'm not attractive enough like this is never gonna happen for me
And if you're not aware that this is the type of person that you're dealing with and you're a loving caring person
you might feel like it's just innately your job especially to someone who is highly and put that Accor highly sensitive if that
Be on the lookout because your nature is just going to want to give let me boost you up
Let me help you with your problem. I can't believe that this happened to you - oh my god
You're the poor victim
You're going to come in and try and save the day with this person because you're looking at them as the victim you're looking at
Them like oh my god, you do have a problem and I can help you. Solve it. No, no
No, you're not weak and pathetic. You're not unattractive and you will find it your job
constantly boosting this person up and it becomes
extremely emotionally exhausting
Now the female covert tends to be a little bit more. Shy so when we think of like an overt
narcissist then you're gonna think of someone who is very
A mystic sexuality plays like a big factor with female narcissists because that's kind of how they hook in men because men
Are very sexual right? They're more logical than emotional
They tend to be they're definitely women that are more masculine than feminine
But for the most part if you think about a man a man leads with one area
And so they tend to you know love that
sexuality in a woman and that confidence in a woman and she knows that and so she's gonna lead with that now with a
Narcissistic man. He's going to know that women tend to lead with their emotions. So he's gonna comment and be prince charming
He's gonna be super romantic. He's gonna be thoughtful and caring he's gonna be very attentive
He's gonna give all the things to the woman in the very beginning
Emotionally that she's ever wanted in a relationship
so this is how both the female and the male tend to hook in their victim when it comes to a
Covert in our success. It's going to be a little bit different. She's not going to be overly confident
She's not gonna be overly sexual. She's going to be a little bit more reserved
she's gonna be a little bit more shy but you will start to see over time because again,
this is a very hard thing to spot and you can see why it's very
Obvious with someone who's over maybe you don't even that obvious sometimes
Well with a covert it can be really really tricky and what you have to do is over a period of time
Start to see patterns within people. That's why I always say the most important thing that you can ever
Do you can educate yourself on this stuff all day long?
When you work on yourself and unique healthy when you meet someone else if they're not at your level
You are not going to want to deal with them or be attracted to them
So when you are with a covert and they're playing the victim, yeah
You might be highly sensitive and you might be very very empathetic, but you have learned that the victim hood
It's not my job to fix your problems. It's not my job to come in and save the day
It is emotionally draining for me to do that
So the more you work on yourself, the more you will avoid these types of toxic relationships
So I hope you guys have enjoyed this video
if you did
Don't forget to give it a thumbs up and please share it with anyone who you think might benefit from this information
If you are interested in private coaching, I will link that down as well. I am offering
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individual coaching sessions for the month of April only for the month of April
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So if you have any other questions, don't forget to leave a comment down below and I will see you next week