Hello, ladies and a few of your boyfriends or husbands.
I am Ellie Kemper, and it's very nice to meet you.
I will be your host for the next hour.
It's only going to be an hour, right,
because I really have to pee?
Now, unfortunately Ellen can't be here today because--
well, I actually don't know what she's doing.
It's none of my business, or at least
that's what everyone on staff keeps telling me.
Butt out.
This is actually my third time hosting this show.
[APPLAUSE]
And you know what they say about the third time.
Time to put out.
[LAUGHTER]
Some people say it's a charm.
Not me.
So a couple of years ago Ellen got the flu,
and they called me.
And here I am hosting for the first time.
Dance moves haven't changed much.
I know that I look really cool, but at the time
I was super nervous.
But then they liked me so much that they asked me back.
And not to brag, that's just what happened.
So again, I know I look super rad wearing
a very similar jumpsuit I just am realizing right now--
[LAUGHTER]
--but I was still a little nervous at the time--
not as nervous as the first time but not as relaxed as now.
So do you think it's all the experience
I've had or is it the Zyrtec I just
washed down with a White Claw?
[LAUGHTER]
We'll never know.
Any who, I know that Ellen has had some guest hosts recently,
but I'm the original.
I was the first guest host ever.
That's true.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
I am the OG.
And I must say I'm not exactly sure what OG stands for.
I think it's old gal.
Maybe it's oh gum drops or orange gravy.
Original-- oh, it's original gangster.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, yeah.
I mean, that's totally me.
As the original gangster, I feel like I
should be properly recognized, and I can't help
but notice there are lots of seats here dedicated to people.
Ellen dedicated seats in her audience
to Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks.
Sean Hayes has a seat.
And since Ellen is never here when I am,
I decided to take matters into my own hands
like a real gangsta.
[LAUGHTER]
So come with me, won't you?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
And now I am proud to reveal--
can I get a drum roll?
Is that--
[DRUM ROLL]
Ladies and boyfriends and/or husbands, behold--
oh-- the Ellie Kemper chair!
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you!
Yes!
It is Ellen's chair, but it's on the back
because I have always got her back.
Plus, she'll never see it there.
Now as I said before, this isn't exactly my first rodeo.
I know how much Ellen likes to scare people,
and I'm not falling for that.
So let's get this out of the way right now.
Get out of there.
[LAUGHTER]
Go.
[APPLAUSE]
Don't think I don't see you there.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
What else am I forgetting?
Oh yeah.
[BLOWS]
[APPLAUSE]
Can someone get this out of here?
All right.
[APPLAUSE]
Terrifying.
[LAUGHS]
All right, that should cover it.
That was terrifying.