I mean, what the hell happened to this place?
Used to be you could come in any night of the week
and you'd find Three-Fingered Joe
strangling anyone who looked at him sideways.
- Oh, Dirty Dick Bob. - Right?
Sticking his you-know-what
into whatever hole he could find.
Kids these days are buying cowboy hats
with bullet holes already in them.
- You're kidding! - No!
Sorry for that long wait. Now what can I get you?
I'll have a steak, bloody.
- Make that two. - Ooh, sorry.
We actually stopped carrying steak.
- No steak? - We do have shishito peppers,
that are lightly drizzled with Ortega cheese,
that are just absolutely mmm!
All right, that's it. I've had enough!
[pounds table, objects clatter]
That's what's wrong with this country today!
You make everything clean and nice
and pretty for everyone, but then you lose
what makes it cool and authentic and real!
I want the grit! I want the soul!
Yeah! Most of all, I want my goddamn steak!
Do you want to speak to the manager?
Yes, I'd like to speak to the manager, thank you.
Ho ho, that was great!
Was the fist slam too much?
No, it was perfect.
Ow.
Well, it has not been my night. [chuckles]
I almost had you on that last hand.
Just... [clears throat] Okay.
Hoo! Finally.
Okay, looks like my ship has come in.
- I'll raise. - Sorry, pardner,
but you got nothing left to raise with.
I have more money, in my wagon.
Well, I'm good for it. I swear.
I'll take the gentleman's word for it. Let's see.
Four aces.
Read 'em and weep, you filthy bastards!
Not so fast.
Five aces.
What? How is that even possible?
Hold on.
- Twelve aces. - MAN: Dang it!
I do not understand the rules of this game.
Gentlemen, you wanted to speak with the manager?
You're damn right we want to--
- Dirty Dick Bob? - Benny the Teen?
Bounty hunter with no name?
How the hell are you guys?
We were just talking about you!
- What? - How'd they let a nasty pervert
like Dirty Dick Bob run a slick joint like this?
Actually, it's Dirty Dick Robert now.
I run the front of the house,
and my wife handles the books.
- You have a wife? - I sure do.
I can't believe it! You used to stick your dick
into anything that moved!
And plenty of stuff that didn't!
Yes, I did fornicate with objects,
but you can't stay young forever.
Eventually you gotta grow up
and start having a real life.
But enough about me. What have you guys been up to?
Oh, you know, mostly the same stuff.
You know, chasing this guy.
Yeah, the same. Being chased by him.
Wow, so you guys are still doing that whole thing.
Well, cool. Very cool.
[stammers] I'd love to stay and chat,
but I should get back to work.
Sure, but maybe we could all hang out sometime.
Maybe. It--it's difficult with the kids and all.
Hostess, more shishito peppers over here!
On the house! [laughs]
Huh.
Yeah.
- [cheering] - [piano playing]
My skin feels electric.
Touch it! It's electric, right?
Why can't it be like this forever?
I don't want to go to stupid Oregon and be a boring wife.
Shh! Shh! Shush your mouth right now.
I'm shushing. Nothing has to change after this trip.
It's your life, and you can do whatever you want to do,
and be whoever you want to be.
You're right. Thanks, Zeke.
I have an idea.
Why don't we do some more snake oil?
Are you sure you need any more?
We're already having fun. But think about it--
if we're having fun now, things will be extra fun
with more snake oil! That's just basic math.
Still a pass for me. Thanks, though. Oh, all right, Mom.
More yum-yums for Freaky Zekey.
Whoa, easy, champ.
You need to take it down, like, so many notches.
You're acting out of control. Out of control? No.
I am in control for the first time in my life.
There are no consequences to my actions. I'm free!
[slowed-down evil laughter]
You're next, Ezekiel.
Ahh! The devil has come for my soul!
I just meant his song request is next.
- [sighs] - Zeke.
Maybe my girlfriend's right.
Maybe I do come on too strong.