Hi Rupert, I'm Patchy. Hi Patchy. I was wondering if you could help me
understand.. Sorry I'm a little emotional about this topic..
Why some beings die young?
Like why do some people die young, and so tragically?
Obviously I have a lot of anger because I've lost somebody and I'm just angry at life.
I don't know where some people die young
and others live into old age.
I could make a theory that was in line with the consciousness only model
but it wouldn't be very satisfying to you, it's not what you really want.
And it wouldn't dissolve your grief and your anger.
Was this person your child? My ex-boyfriend. Okay.
If you want, and you obviously want, relief from your suffering,
a rational explanation for why
your boyfriend died young won't relieve you of your grief and your anger.
But your anger, your grief is underneath your anger. The grief is the deeper
of the two emotions. So it's really it's really the grief, the sorrow,
not the anger that is that is really your question.
And if you want relief from it, you have to turn towards it. The anger is an escape from it.
Instead of fully feeling the grief, the grief expresses itself as anger.
You looking for someone, in this case life, and as long as you're doing that, 'life'
who has taken your boyfriend away, justifies your anger and your anger covers up your grief.
You won't find any relief like that.
If you want relief you have to turn towards the
last thing that you want to turn towards, which is your grief.
instead of trying to get rid of it, instead of trying to express it in anger at life,
Instead of trying to manage it,
instead of even asking questions, which although I totally understand your question
even your desire to find a rational explanation for it is a kind of avoidance.
And I don't mean that critically. I feel for what you're feeling.
I feel for the depths of your sorrow, but if you want relief from it
you must turn towards it. Do the one thing that you don't want to do, turn towards it.
Welcome it and eventually embrace it. Everything else is an avoidance of that.
So I would recommend that when you feel this sorrow,
which I assume you feel much of the time,
when you then feel the anger and then
you direct that anger towards life, do the opposite. Be courageous.
Don't escape the sorrow, turn towards it. Feel, I am the space of awareness,
turn towards the sorrow and say, you're welcome inside me.
How long ago was this?
Five months. Okay. So it's very recent.
So do perhaps the one thing that you haven't fully done in this last five months
which is turn towards the sorrow
without any impulse to escape it or or get rid of it.
Befriended it, welcome it.
Turn towards the sorrow and say, I am the open, empty
resistanceless space of awareness, you are welcome inside me. Come in.
I've been avoiding you because you are unbearable.
Actually, you're not unbearable, it is my resistance to you that renders you unbearable.
You don't have to try to remove that resistance,
your nature is resistanceless.
are already without resistance, so you don't need to battle with your mind
You, the open emphasis empty space awareness,
to welcome something that your mind doesn't really want to welcome.
So first you feel yourself as the space of awareness, and as that you invite this
feeling of sorrow to to come. First of all just face it,
then feel affection for it. Say to the sorrow, can you come close.
You could even personify the sorrow as your boyfriend.
That is the form he is appearing to you in now.
Embrace it, embrace him.
And in time the sorrow will subside and then the being that your boyfriend truly is
will reveal itself to you as your being.
And you will find him in your heart where he always was and always is.
So in the contemplation we did this morning,
for you I imagine there was a big solid sensation here
taking up the the full the whole picture.
So that's perfect. So when we do these contemplations in the morning,
you feel this sensation. Put the story on one side.
I'm not suggesting you have to get rid of the story.
I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't revisit the story of your boyfriend.
You go back there as often as you want, that's part of the grieving process. It's fine to do that.
But just during these contemplations put the story on one side
and just experience the raw sensation. Face it so you don't even know it's sorrow.
Sorrow is a label that we attach to the sensation.
So you just experience it as if you were the newborn infant.
It's the first experience you've ever had. This is not a sensation
of something, it's just sensation. It has a certain intensity to it but it's not unbearable.
So this is the way to begin to explore. And then you start to ask,
is there an edge to the sensation? Is there a density to it? Is there a weight?
The purpose of these questions is not to receive an answer, yes or no.
The purpose of the questions is to take us deeper and deeper into the actual experience itself,
and in doing so the body, in your case, the emotion is relieved,
the sensation is relieved of all the layers that
the mind superimposes on it. And it dissolves into pure consciousness, or in this case into pure love.
So right at the very heart of the emotion,
which at the moment you want to avoid, you will find the love that you're seeking.
But in order to access that love you have to go to the heart of the emotion.
You have to be courageous.
Do you know the grim brothers fairy story? Kiss the frog, kiss the toad.
Apologies to the old timers, you know it off by heart.
It's my favourite fairy story. This beautiful princess playing in the royal
garden with a a golden ball, bouncing it and throwing it and she loses it in a pond.
It's her favourite precious ball and she loses it in a pond.
She's very upset. There's a toad in the pond who notices that she's upset
and he says to the princess, I can retrieve your ball for you,
but I'll only do so on one condition,
and that is that you embrace me, you kiss me, you take me into your your bed.
The princess says yes, of course. She doesn't really think about the request.
She'll do anything to get the ball back. The toad retrieves the ball and the princess
skips back into the palace without giving the toad another thought.
She's having dinner with her father the king that night
and there's a knock on the door. The toad appears and reminds the princess of her promise.
So the princess tells her father the king and he agrees.
So the the princess says, okay you can come, and places the frog next to her.
Then that the toad says that's not enough.
You told me that you'd take me into your bed and embrace me.
So that night she takes the frog into her bed and places him on the on the pillow.
And he says, no that's that's not enough, you promised to embrace me.
So the princess embraces the toad and they fall asleep in this embrace.
And of course when she wakes up in the morning there's a handsome prince in bed next to her.
So she had to embrace that which was most distasteful to her
in order to find what she truly wanted.
It's the same, your sorrow is that which is most distasteful to you.
And at the moment, you're trying to find that which you truly want
by not feeling the sorrow, feeling the anger and then looking for someone or something to blame.
It's the wrong direction. You have to go the other direction, you have to kiss the toad.