Come. You can go lie down, it’s all OK.
We need to be good now.
Go lie down Ben. Thank you.
I’m not so good with putting words together to really explain
how deeply and passionately I feel about something.
So when I find a quote that somebody else said
it’s like a little jewel for me, that I put away in my heart.
And I once came upon this quote that said,
‘In their innocence and wisdom,’
‘in their connection to the earth and its most ancient rhythms,’
‘animals bring us back to a world they have never left.’
That’s my favourite quote
because that is how I experience my life
with my animal tribe.
The love for them and the necessity to be with them,
it’s been there since before my time on earth, I feel.
I remember I was five years old
and I picked up a little dove that was hurt.
And I remember I didn’t know what to do with the little one.
And I thought, one day I want to know what to do
with every little animal that has a problem.
There’s no more an effective healer than a wounded healer.
I don’t think I would have had the empathy that I have if
I maybe didn’t go through the tough stuff in life that I did.
There is an innocence when you are a child
that can become so muddled.
My brother was a very difficult person.
He made life in our family very difficult.
As a young girl, he hurt me very badly.
And it was difficult for me, growing up in a house
where he was still a physical presence.
It wasn’t somebody outside, living somewhere else.
It was a constant that I had to deal with every day.
It was a sexual abuse.
And it didn’t last long.
I remember that as soon as I told my parents
it didn’t happen again.
That was probably a line that was...
a dark line through my childhood
that I had to deal with.
If something like that happens to a child
there is fear that comes and settles in one’s heart.
I had nightmares for a very long time in my childhood.
My last prayer at night would actually have been,
‘Jesus, please let me not dream tonight.’
Because I didn’t know good dreams.
Sometimes you wonder, did this really happen?
Fifteen years later, I was I think 22 years old,
and I asked him do you remember what happened?
And he said ‘yes’, and he never asked for forgiveness.
But to forgive you don’t need to receive
a sorry from the other side.
It’s only in forgiveness that one can become lighter,
to release yourself from holding onto that anger.
And in the letting go
there’s new beautiful things that happen.
Later in my life, I got pregnant very unexpectedly.
And it was me and my husbands biggest surprise of our lives.
That was probably the most difficult that I’ve had to deal with.
I didn’t want children.
Maybe the closest I would want was a baby chimpanzee.
And then I was blessed with Nimya, our oldest.
And it’s amazing how her birth
helped me to be a child again
in a way that was stolen from me when I was young.
To see her going through that time in her life
and not being abused,
not being afraid at night to sleep in her own room,
that in a way, gave me back what I had lost.
It’s beautiful for me to be reminded
of how free one is when one is a child.
And today my girls are...
I can’t imagine my life without two legged animals.
They are... yah...
One of my favourite Alice in Wonderland quotes is
‘The secret Alice, is to surround yourself’
‘with people who make your heart smile.’
‘It’s then and only then, that you’ll find Wonderland.’
There is a Wonderland everywhere.
And if you find the people that understand
the things that make you happy,
it’s precious... it’s not a given.
Our two legged animals, we need each other.
There’s something about a human touch,
about being able to speak the same language literally
that fills gaps that we need to have filled.
So it’s a very special thing if you find
people that understand you.
And to make effort with those people.
The days that I don’t feel like I’m in Wonderland
I remind myself that there is a Wonderland.
And that I need to get out of bed and look for Wonderland.
It’s like a mental shift to look for treasures
and to look for Wonderland.
And to be able to see the good that there still is
and the beauty that there still is.
Just sun shining through a little leaf, to notice that
you must go back to innocence.
Unpolluted, raw innocence.
(Did you make that cup?)
Yes, I made this cup and it says...
‘You are the poem I never knew how to write.’
‘And this life is the story I’ve always wanted to tell.’
I made it for Henk, my husband, as a gift.
And it’s partly also for myself, to remind myself
about the wonderful life and story that I am living.
Many times you have so many dreams that you work towards
and that you want to someday realise.
And you forget what’s happening already.
(How would you like people to think of you when you are old?)
I’d like them to remember me as
somebody that helped them to find the wonder in life,
to see the beauty beyond ordinary things.
To try and grow every day towards the light.