- You single people
if you're romantically involved with somebody
and then all of a sudden
that somebody reveals a personality trait
that you don't like,
(gasps) you could just leave.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music plays)
- She looks so good.
- She looks good. - She does look good.
- When you are a woman with money, power, and respect
your romantic options do not expand.
(audience laughs)
They decline. (audience laughs)
Now I am told it's because men are threatened
by women with money, power, and respect.
- I disagree. - What you think
is gonna happen to you, huh?
You think your dick is gonna get acquired
in a hostile takeover.
(audience laughs)
- I hope that someday she makes enough money
that I don't have to work.
Even though I do love this job at Netflix.
- We both do.
- I'm a teacher so,
it's notoriously known for not making a lot of money.
- It's so funny because a lot of my friends who are straight
they always be like, "So bro, like how does it work?"
"Like, does you pay more?"
"Does Greg pay more?"
"Do y'all like put a Google sheet
and decide who treats who?"
I'm like "No, split."
- My nephew is 25 years old and he is dating this architect.
My goodness. She, she is so smart
and interesting, successful, and charismatic.
And we all hope that he marries her one day.
But he calls me up earlier this week
and he was like, "You know, Auntie Ali,
I think I'ma break up with her.
Yeah, because she's a boss at work.
And so she thinks it's okay
to come home and boss me around."
- Yes! (laughs)
You yell at me about that.
- Oh. (crowd laughs)
Well that shit's gonna happen to you no matter what.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah, I think Ali Wong had some truth when she was saying
that you're gonna get bossed around no matter what. So...
- I prefer that I'm direct, not bossy.
- My sister's also an executive
at another company and our husbands
will say that we boss them around
and I grew up with a you know, Salvi mom
who bosses my dad around.
And I was like maybe this is like a Latina thing,
yo no se.
- It's less bossing and more guilt tripping, I would say.
Is that accurate?
- I'm half Jewish, half Catholic,
so there's like double guilt there.
I can't control it.
- But then at some point you gots to go
and then it's an emergency.
It's always an emergency
when a woman finally takes a shit.
And that's why every women's public restroom
looks like a post apocalyptic zombie nightmare.
(audience laughs)
- I don't know if ever,
if I've ever been in a woman's bathroom,
but I imagine it's something like a tropical rainforest.
- (laughs) Like a paradise. - Yeah. Just sort of
beautiful scents and colors and misting for some reason.
- (laughs) Like we're produce.
- Yeah.
- I can't let go of my husband.
You know, he's very handsome.
He's very sexy. He's very much my type.
I have a very specific type.
I like dudes who look as close to Keanu Reeves as possible.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah.
- Period.
- Most importantly, he gives me permission to be myself.
(audience cheers)
- I, like Ali, really love that you let me
just be totally myself and you fully support my career.
Always have. You're really smart and funny and cute.
- Wow. Again, good to have that on camera for the-
- For the dark days. (laughs) - Yeah.
- I love your ability to make
every single person around you just so happy
and you just have like the best sense of humor.
- I love your smile.
I love your patience
'cause you're extremely patient, especially with me.
Cause I'm kind of crazy. - Just a little.
(both laugh)
- Stephanie's just very patient with me.
- No I'm not.
- I mean you used to be patient with me.
(both laugh)
- I love about you and Ali touches upon this as well.
You're such a nice person, proud of the man
you are in this life and I just love you so much so.
- Thanks Doll. - Yeah.
- That's very nice.
- I've been Ali Wong.
Have a good night everybody. Thank you.
(audience cheers)