Listen, we gotta settle something.
Yeah.
Couple episodes ago, you really lit into us
for drinking drinks with ice in them during an interview.
Yes, yes I did. Refreshing drinks.
And you said you would buy us straws, you never did.
Well, first of all,
I'm a busy man as you know. Okay, that's fine.
Straws are very hard to find.
Well, I've got some here.
Ooh, I do want to help the environment
so we don't want to have disposable straws.
What'd you get?
These are just multiuse metallic straws,
and they're a little warm 'cause they were in my pocket
but don't worry.
(all laugh) Oh God.
Wow, you sure know how to excite a fellow.
And oh, I'm sorry I called you pervy.
(group laughing)
Hey, hey, anyone? (laughing)
Anyone want a straw, that's in my pocket? (laughing)
Drink from the straw in my pocket.
Yeah.
Drink from the straw, (whisper moaning)
that's been warmed by my groin region.
Would you like a lap temperature straw?
(laughing) Oh man.
Can we bring David in? David has gotten us some
of the very same icy drinks Oh good.
that we were drinking last time.
Oh, hi, here's David Hopping who is the very, very good
assistant who's been filling in.
Okay, you don't have to stress
out very very good. For Sona since when Sona.
He just,
I call him David picks up on the first ring Hopping.
And, oh, this is incredible.
So you brought, David, you brought the same drinks, yes?
Same drinks.
So we can see.
So go ahead and start talking and Sona and I will try.
Okay.
So just say something important.
Okay, I've got a very important announcement here
from the - (drinks slurping)
(Matt coughing)
What, what what?
What are we submerging?
Are we taking the sub down?
Dive, dive.
What are you do?
what is this experiment supposed to tell me?
You freak.
You're not you're. (Conan laughing)
No one sips like this
and yours is all going into your lungs clearly, Gourley.
You're like.(imitates choking)
Let me, gimme one of these groin straws
which I will now call them.
(Gourley laughing)
Look, I've got one.
And I think it, hold on a sec.
This is just me now.
You stop Sona.
You stop and coughy you stop too okay.
I laughed when I drank and it.
You were like, "Let's test your straws."
I was so. I will pour the liquid
into my lungs and we'll see how quiet it is Conan.
I was so excited to do this bit that I
started laughing before it was funny.
Oh my god. Okay, let's hold on.
Let's let's let me, let me try it.
And let's really, this is just me.
You guys back away from your, let me let's see.
This is me.
I'm holding it right up to the mic.
I'm talking.
Let's say I'm interviewing Jeff Goldblum.
Okay.
Hello Jeff.
"Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes.
"Oh my boy, my boy, oh yes."
Oh Jeff, do you mind if I take a little sip?
"Oh my, oh my boy, please, please, please.
"Hydrate, hydrate all you will, yes, yes.
"Oh, yes, oh hydration, mm, I was in "The Fly", mm."
(Sona laughing) Thank you, Jeff,
I appreciate it, here we go.
Wow, silent.
Let me try that. Try it.
(Matt slurping) Oh, stop doing that.
What do you, you idiots.
"Oh, oh, Conan, do you mind?"
Yes, Jeff, what is it?
"Well, they're clearly exaggerating for the sounds
"of their drinks, mm.
"Oh my boy, oh, listen to that."
I love how you put a lot of thought into this.
You had David go out and get straws.
Everything.
I brought the straws from home
in a warm body temperature bag.
(Sona laughing)
I do hope you're okay.
I've never seen someone in - Never better.
There is no reason to make all that noise.
I brought up my brother, Neil, because his thing is
he loves to drink a soda, but he puts a ton of ice in it.
And anytime I call him, I mean, anytime I call him he's
crunches the ice.
He says he likes it 'cause it makes the soda last longer.
Oh. And he's just
crunching the ice the whole time I'm talking to him.
I'll be telling him something like.
(Gourley coughing) Jesus, come on Gourley.
Sorry. (Sona coughing)
I'm trying to, now you?
Sorry. (throat clearing)
That's just what people want to hear
during a two year COVID crisis.
(Matt laughing)
I always to clear. Is you two hacking
up your lungs. My throat.
I cough a lot.
I clear my throat when I laugh hard.
Well screw what I was saying.
No, your brother crunches ice.
And I think that's why you hate it so much.
'Cause you want you're, people's undivided attention
and you think they're distracted.
And I'll be telling Neil something like,
"Yeah, you know I haven't confessed this to anyone before
"but I've got a real fear of."
Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
The whole time. And I'm like, I can't talk to him.
Or like, "You know, I've always felt like
"what I should really wanna say to our father is."
Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
And now I'm doing Nixon crunching ice.
Oh crunch oh crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
(Sona laughing)
"Mr. President, we really think Watergate's getting
"out of" crunch, crunch, crunch.
"Mr. President, I know you are done with your soda.
"Can I just take the?"
"No, no, no, there's there's still ice in there.
"But go ahead, what did you have to say?"
"Well, anyway, they've revealed that there are tapes."
Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch
crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
"Do you think this is gonna follow me around these tapes?"
"Well we're really worried about."
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Is he saying crunch
or does Nixon eating ice sound like him crunching?
When Nixon does anything the sound effect is in his voice.
Okay. So if Nixon's like
"Well time to cross the room."
walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk
(Sona laughing) This is like Nixon
sound effects theater.
It is, it is sound effects theater.
"And now I'm gonna enjoy this icy drink."
Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.
(Sona laughing) "because of the ice."
He explains.
He explains the sounds.
That was terrible.
Your whole experiment was a failure.
Yeah. But we had some good laughs.
And we had fun getting there, didn't we?
Oh my God
Okay, well why don't you go have a tracheotomy?
Okay. And that'll open an airway.
I need help.
Yeah and very good.