- Hey, everyone.
It is Wednesday and that means I'm on the website
and I'm on YouTube and I'm answering your questions.
I went through some of the comments in my last couple of
videos as well as in the community forum
of Kati Q and A, or videos Q and A.
I think it's just called Kati Q and A, but I looked under
both of those places for your questions,
as well as my inbox on YouTube.
Here are the questions.
I'm going to try to do these a little quickly.
I have six questions, which is more than I normally cover.
Without further ado, here they are.
Number one, what is emotional personality disorder?
That actually is not a technical personality disorder.
It would fall under borderline personality disorder,
and if you have questions about what borderline is
or what the criteria are, you can check out my video on it
and just search it on my channel.
Either borderline personality disorder or BPD.
You could look it up either way.
Question number two.
Why is rape take more seriously
than other types of sexual abuse?
To be truthful, they shouldn't.
There isn't, just the same way I talk about ranking
self harm behaviors or eating behaviors,
any kind of abuse is abuse.
I don't ever rate them on a level of
more serious to not as serious.
I know a lot of people take things more seriously
if they're currently happening because action
needs to be taken and we have to report it and we,
as clinicians, are legally bound to report things
more quickly and we have a certain amount of time,
but other than that, I'm sorry that
you're getting that impression.
I hope that you can find some groups for people
who have a sexual abuse past and you can find that there is
support out there and people who will take you seriously
because, trust me, I don't find one
more serious than any other.
Question number three.
I am currently 10 months self harm free.
Yay, but I still get the urges,
although I would never act out on them.
I would like to be honest with my parents about the urges,
but I feel that if I do, they will
smother me and invade my privacy.
How can I tell them without this happening?
That can be really hard.
I think, honestly, the way that you ask the question,
because I shortened it a little bit just for purposes
of saying it on here, but the way that you said it to me
is the way that I would try to say it to your parents.
I would explain and I would say, "I would never act out
"on the urges, but I still have them and sometimes
"when I'm really stressed, they come back," and that way,
you can be transparent with them and let them know
where you're at and the struggles that you have,
while at the same time, giving them the heads up that,
you know, I'm not going to at out on them,
I just want to be honest with you about where I am.
If they can't handle that and after you've expressed
that this time and just say, you know, sometimes they still
come up, I might not mention it again.
I know we want to be honest and we want them to know
what we're working on at this point, but sometimes,
people just don't understand all the way and I ...
That's why I'm creating these channels and these videos
and if you want, you can tell them to check out my videos
and I'd talk about it being a process and that urges
will still linger and that's okay.
Maybe that could help a little bit too.
Number four, I'll try to make this one make sense
because this is kind of a communication
I've been having with someone.
Hi, Kati.
I know that you know I helped someone in need not long ago
that was at the point of suicide and my actions
were intense, but I guess because I cared so much.
Is it wrong to care so much that others suffer
to the point that I have to step in?
This is something that I've been wanting to talk about
because on my website, we've had a couple of suicide scares
and I'm going to put together, hopefully this week,
because I'm also working on the Self Harm Workbook
right now, and some other video collaborations,
so it's been very busy.
I'm going to put a page on my website with all of the links
to suicide hotlines, online help, ways you can chat,
different organizations that are out there to help you
because the one thing I want to get away from
is having my website be a way for us to reach out
when we need emergency help.
You know when you call your therapist and it says
if this is an emergency, please take yourself
to the hospital or call 911?
I kind of want that to come up on my website
before we interact because as much as we'd love to help,
like the person that's this question,
the person who asked this question, we love you all.
We want to help and if you're struggling,
that's what we're here for, but if you need emergency help,
I would urge you, please do not reach out on my website
as a way to get emergency help because often,
we live all over the world and we can't
help you in that way.
We can talk to you and we're more than happy to help talk,
but if you know that you're a threat to yourself
and you're thinking of committing suicide,
please watch my suicide prevention video, call the hotlines,
and do that sort of thing because my website
isn't really able to help you in a real way.
It's not wrong to care so much.
That's what makes our community so great.
Often, those of us who've suffered are very, very aware
and very comforting and supportive because we understand.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it
and if you have to step in, I mean, we would do that
for our friends, and this is your friend just through
online, it's just a little different kind of friendship.
I'm glad you did what you did.
Do I want you to feel like you're stressed out?
I don't want you to trigger yourself by trying to help
someone else, and I think that's the line that we all
have to be aware of because sometimes, we can do things
to try to help at the detriment of our own
recovery and our own process.
Just be very aware of that, but just keep doing
what you're doing, and I will put that thing
up on my website as soon as I can, and for any of you
on my website who were worried about this stuff,
please say please call the hotline, like Kati said.
Since I am nowhere near you, I can't come over
and help and this is a real way for you to get some support.
Number five, my therapist is going on maternity leave,
not taking full maternity leave, which to answer
the second portion of this question,
what is full maternity leave?
It's about 12 weeks.
That is three months and if they're not taking the full one,
that means maybe they're taking two months.
Usually, people at least take two months.
I don't know, so it's less than 12 weeks.
Her therapist is going on maternity leave
and I'm worried about seeing someone
at my counseling center in the meantime.
How can I express this concern about not being able
to contact her during the maternity leave?
I would just be honest.
I would just say, you know, "I understand you're having
"a baby and I get that you have to spend time with it,
"and it's not that I don't understand that."
I would just say, "For me, I'm really stressing out.
"How can we better prepare?"
That's how I would phrase it.
How can we better prepare, because you really, really
want to have a plan in place, and maybe she would let you
email her, even if she won't email you back,
because I've done that when I'm on vacation.
I'll say, "Hey, shoot me an email."
Sometimes it helps just to put it out there,
even if she won't respond and you can say,
"I won't expect you to respond."
I think I'd go about it that way.
How can we prepare and is it possible for me
just to email you just to put it out there?
You don't have to respond, and see what she says.
Sometimes, that can just offer us that little extra support
so that we know that they're still
there and they still care.
Number six, our final question, I stopped self harming
about almost a year ago.
It was a way for me to cope with the anxiety
that I face in day to day life.
I think I did it for about two to three years.
Anyways, no one ever found out that I did it and sense
having stopped, I still haven't told anyone
close to me about my self harm.
I am starting treatment soon because of
severe anxiety that I still have.
During therapy, should I bring up the self harm
even after I have stopped?
I don't want to cut, nor do I feel the need to cut
to get out my anxiety.
I don't self harm in any way anymore and I don't want
my parents or family to find out that I ever did that.
Should I tell anyone or do I have to tell anyone?
I would definitely tell them at your treatment center,
for the pure and simple fact that they need to know
your full history, even if it just
used to happen and it's in the past.
It tells us a lot about how you worked through
your struggles and how you're better managing it now.
It shows us how you used to manage it and how you manage it
now and that, for me, as a clinician,
that gives me a lot of information.
I would definitely tell them.
I would also preemptively let them know
this is something no one knows about.
I figured it out on my own.
I stopped, and I just don't want my family to find out.
I would 100 percent say I would never tell
a parent if you're not doing something now.
I don't really feel like that's their business.
It'd be one thing if it was something that was
currently happening and I needed them to help me out
within our treatment plan, but chances are,
I'm 90 percent sure that they will not tell your parents
because it's not happening now.
It's part of your history.
I think that I would definitely bring it up
so they have a full picture of what's been going on
instead of keeping that from them
and then not telling them everything.
That's all the questions for today.
For a journal topic, since it's been so hot in LA
and I'm dying and it's like in the tropics, I was thinking,
and sometime I find this helpful.
I would like you all to journal, because this will be
a positive focus journal topic.
I would like you to journal out your dream vacation
and share where it would be so we can all live vicariously
through your dreams, and just do a quick little blurb
about what you'd do, who you'd bring with you, and why,
what you'd bring with you and why,
why it would be enjoyable with those people,
where you'd want to stay.
No money limitations.
No length or distance limitations.
What would you do?
Where would you go?
Like, for me, I'd go to Greece and I would want to go
jet skiing and I'd want to go snorkeling
and scuba diving because I love the water.
Use your imaginations.
Let's think positive.
Let's dream of beautiful beaches or wonderful gorgeous
mountains or whatever it is that you like to do.
Please share them because I like to hear all that stuff.
It's very cool.
I will se you ll tomorrow when I am on Twitter,
answering your questions there.
Have a wonderful evening.
I love you all.
I'll talk to you soon, bye.