10 Mind Tricks To Immediately Command Respect [0:00:00]
So, I want to start this video off by stating that true respect is earned.
Seriously, if you’re having to tell people to respect you, you don’t understand how
this game works.
[sound effect] Now, true respect is forged over time when
people see you are the person that you say you are and you live up to the ideals that
both of you are aligned with.
So, in the case you find yourself in charge of a team you don’t know very well, put
in a position of leadership for the first time and you want to start things off on the
right foot.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about how you can command respect day one.
[Music] As a kid, I loved history, I loved biographies,
I loved learning from others.
And one of my favorite quotes was, it is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought
a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.
Now, growing up, I thought of myself as an introvert.
And I love that quote because it just talk to something I can do very well, walk into
a room and not say anything and let other people make their decisions about you based
off of visual cues and whatever you decide to show them, but not say.
Now, of course, if you don’t say anything, people are going to make a judgment based
off of what they see.
And we talk about this ad nauseam here on the channel about the importance of style,
presentation, image, clothing because this is the first thing that people see, the way
your clothing fits you, the color of the clothing, what type of clothing you wear.
And everyone has an idea of success of we have an idea of what a fireman looks like,
right?
And so, if you see that fireman and he walks in and simply says, get out now, are you going
to question him?
No, you defer authority, you assume this guy knows what he’s talking about versus if
a naked man ran in and said the same thing, we would all wonder like, hey, call the police,
this guy is crazy.
The only difference is is simply the way he is dressed, not what he said.
And this is so important if you want to be perceived as successful, dress as a successful
man.
For most parts of the world, this is going to be a man in a suit or a man at least in
a nice sports jacket, maybe wearing a tie looking good putting that outfit together.
Now, that being said, you don’t have to wear a tie.
You don’t have to wear a suit in many situations, but you need to understand what is the uniform,
what is the look?
How can I put together something that looks great for my community?
Whether you work at a construction company, whether you are a music artist in Los Angeles,
you want to think how can I walk in and immediately conversation, you know, it’s like, God,
this guy is incredibly creative, look at the way he presents himself.
It may just be those yellow, you know, glasses with, you know, the accents, you know, in
your shirt, the way that you piece things together.
It could be your fragrance.
All of these right here is your non-visuals, but assuming that you haven’t said anything,
notice how you’re already controlling the frame of how you are being seen and how people
are initially going to treat you.
The next tip to command respect is say what you need to say.
Get to the point.
No small talk especially when you really – people can be as they can smell, you know, when you’re
trying to beat around the bush and not hit the main point.
Talk and have that uncomfortable conversation, If there needs to be a little bit of confrontation
here, if you need to call somebody out, you want to do it respectfully, preferably one-on-one,
not in a group setting.
But, if you’re going to praise, if you have something important that everyone needs to
hear, get to the point.
Don’t lollygag, don’t put it off, hit it straight on.
Tied right with that if you want to command respect, be the one asking questions.
And you don’t want to ask questions that are going to put people in super difficult
situation initially.
And, again, try to avoid doing this in a group setting if you don’t know people very well.
But, what you want to be doing here is leading the conversation and asking for a little bit
more detail here.
Show that you’ve actually read the reports that you’ve gone through, hey, this may
be your first day on the job as their manager.
But you have a very deep understanding because they can tell by the detail of the questions
that you understand logistics, that you understand communications.
I had a commanding officer that he was amazing at doing this.
And you couldn’t BS the guy.
I’ve seen other, you know, yeah, logistics guys, you know, the S4, he just realized,
wow, holy cow, and he come to find out that commanding officer had served as an S4, so
he understood everything that he should be asking and really was putting everybody on
their toes.
And sorry for the military lingo there and S4 is a logistics officer.
It’s a whole department.
In marine battalion, we’ve got the S1, S2, S3, S4, and S6.
I have no idea why we don’t have an S5.
But, yeah, a little bit of – a little bit of new knowledge there, right?
The next tip to command respect is to keep the conversation on topic, especially when
you’re in a group.
It can go all over the place.
You want to show you’re in charge by making sure the questions you’re asking that the
direction you’re wanting to take this conversation, you stay on that path.
You know how it is.
You’ve got somebody that just all of sudden is taking it and all these other directions
with tangents. [0:05:00]
Now, in a group setting, again, you want to be careful calling anyone out.
But, you do want to say, hey, that’s an interesting topic, but let’s bring it back
to this point here.
That right there shows that you clearly are taking the conversation that clearly you are
the man in charge.
Now, this next tip to command respect, very important in a group conversation and that
is to make sure that nobody cuts you off.
This is something guys do to other guys they especially do to women.
Yeah, just ask the ladies in your circles.
Us, guys, some of us we get so excited we want to jump in and say things and we interrupt.
And this can be a habit we don’t even realize that we have.
Here’s the thing.
If somebody cuts you off, it makes you look weak – weak like you’re not the person
in charge.
So, how to stop this?
Well, the best thing that you can do is just to continue to talk, ignore that they are
speaking.
You don’t have to raise your voice, you just want to continue speaking and saying
what needs to be said.
And the other person will either defer or they will continue talking, about two conversations
going on at the same time.
If this continues to happen, I do think it’s important that you – you take the person
to the side especially in a work environment and you have this conversation especially
if that person works for you, ask them to have a little bit more etiquette to not interrupt
and to point out that they’re doing this.
Again, do this one-on-one, not in a group conversation.
Another key to commanding respect without saying anything is to own your space.
So, sit back a little bit, own that chair.
I’m not saying invade their space, but I am saying don’t be afraid to fully use to
show yourself as being comfortable as even being vulnerable because it’s very clear,
hey, I am the person here in charge.
A lot of times when people are feeling like, hey, I’m nervous here, they minimize themselves.
And this right here sends the signal that you’re almost, yeah, people pick this up
and, again, you’re not saying anything.
So, don’t be afraid to own that space.
Next up, hand signals.
Throughout this video, I’d been using them a lot more and that’s really important if
you’re an introvert if you’re really quiet, you want to use hand signals.
I’ve been on a Zoom call, you know, put your hand up like you’ve got something to
say, not raise your hand like you are asking for permission, but you can put your hand
up.
This right here is signaling, hey, can everyone quiet down, I’ve got something to say.
Now, I’m going to talk anyway, but when I do this, I’m saying, hey, I’ve got something
to say and you’re shutting people up.
Like, they just see it, again, it sounds bad, but – but it’s a very powerful gesture.
Now, what happens if the conversation gets heated?
Literally, you got somebody in your face.
Hopefully, it doesn’t happen too often at work.
But, it can happen, it can happen in environments in which, yeah, there’s like, you know,
work in a construction company.
You have just some people that are tired.
Here’s the thing is don’t react.
That’s they’re jumping in your face, they’re yelling, they’ve taken it to a whole another
level and you show that you are clearly in charge by not reacting to the way that they’re
acting, just simply looking at them, engaging with them.
Don’t maintain so much eye contact because that can lead to a confrontation.
You can look down if you want to deescalate.
You can look to the side if you want to just, hey, maintain that they are strength, you
know, very strong feeling, but just simply, hey, I’m not going to engage in this.
Basically, what you’re showing is that they cannot command your attention.
Your attention is where you choose to give it.
This right here is a very strong body language and just communication signal that I am the
person in charge here and I will pay attention to your tantrum maybe, maybe not.
I’m listening here and I want to understand where you’re coming from.
All these being said simply with your body language and with you not reacting and falling
into their trap.
Now, to avoid that escalation, one of the best things that you can do and still command
respect is let other people know that you respect their position, you understand their
position.
Repeating back to them their position and why this could actually be perfectly valid.
You actually understand where they’re coming from, all of a sudden, that person feels understood
and they respect they’re more open to listening to you and your point of view.
You’ve got to get people together on a team and especially if, again, you’re the new
leader, you are in charge of people you don’t know well, there is not really that trust
issue.
But, when you show that you’ve done your research, that you’re coming in here and
maybe you even ask them to expand and you’re really listening repeating back to them, again,
you’re expressing that I am open and this, again, is going to create that conversation
create that open communication, which leads to trust and respect even if you guys don’t
agree.
And if you don’t agree with somebody, that’s fine.
And to be really clear about it, you don’t need to apologize for not seeing eye-to-eye
with somebody.
A lot of people, they fall into this trap where they just say, you know what?
I’m sorry.
Maybe they feel like, you know, they were talking about a subject that hurt that person’s
feelings.
They apologize when they shouldn’t apologize.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t apologize for when you’re wrong, but if you know you’re
not wrong, if you disagree with this person on this point of view and you feel that, hey,
we’re going to – we have strong – we just have a disagreement here, then you don’t
apologize for that.
[0:10:06] You very clearly communicate your point of
view, you express that you understand their point of view and right there, you know, maybe
that person they’re pig-headed and they’re not going to respect you.
But, if it is a group conversation, the people that you, you know, the logical people in
the audience, not always everybody, they are going to see what’s going on and they are
going to respect you.
Now, the next trick to command respect seems almost counterintuitive and that is be honest
and admit when you don’t know something, when you have a weakness, when you have failed.
Because here’s the thing is that people have, again, I’ve said it earlier, they
have great BS detectors.
And if you try to BS people with information that is incorrect, you know you could actually
damage the relationship, they won’t trust you.
But, when you’re honest that, hey, I don’t know that answer, I don’t have an expertise
in that area, that is a weakness for me.
Yes, you know, I had an issue at my last company, maybe they somebody, you know, pointed something
out, they heard about a rumor about how you let a project and it actually failed.
Yes, that is the case and nothing I can do about that.
We learned a lot the company went under.
That being said, you know, I’m bringing this to the table and that to the table.
What can people – people can’t use it against you then.
You’ve already, you know, disarmed the bomb.
And that is something, again, a lot of young leaders try to come off as infallible as somebody
that can’t make a mistake.
They think that people are only going to follow a leader if they have all the answers.
It’s okay to not have the answers.
But, to be honest and to – for people to know that you’re human, that, again, is
going to inspire them to want to follow you.
All right, gents.
So, what video to watch next?
Well, how about how President Zelensky over in Ukraine is giving a masterclass on leadership?
This is something that inspires me and I think that there’s a lot that other men can learn
on simply how to lead from the front and a number of other characteristics I talk about
that he’s doing.
But, guys, it’s a great video, go check it out.
I’ll link to it right here.
[0:12:03] End of audio