Matt: Have you ever went out with a girl and everything seemed totally fine you had a
lot of fun together she seemed really attracted to you but then you hug her
goodbye never to hear from her again or maybe she replies back to your text but
just not as often and you get really short answers and you can just sense
that something is really off about the vibe well if this has happened to you
then you probably did something on the date to turn the girl off without you
even realizing that you did it now don't beat yourself up about it just watch
into the end so that you can get out of your own way and start going on a lot
more successful dates my name is Matt artisan from the attractive man and this
is 7 mistakes that most guys make on a date we've done all the testing you know
what works here are seven things that alienate women that you need to avoid at
all costs number seven is bragging bro I understand that you have a lot of cool
qualities but this won't make her like you more because it shows her that you
are trying to look cool which doesn't look cool because showing off is
actually a dishonest evolutionary signal and people especially women in my
opinion will not trust it the key when it comes to any positive quality that
you have whether it's how much money you make or your job or how good you are in
bed is that she finds out on her own perhaps she asks you about your job and
so you tell her or you bring it up whatever cool thing it is about you you
bring it up in a more indirect manner not by you directly telling her out of
nowhere if for example she sees pictures of you on Instagram that portray you
know really positive qualities that's totally fine it's better than you just
explicitly telling her or if your female friend casually mentions to her that
you're really good in bed perfect that's probably gonna make her want to find out
for herself but avoid telling her your coolest qualities right away right off
the bat let her discover them as the date or the relationship progresses over
time and let your personality do the attracting for you for example I had a
client who drove a Lamborghini he'd always pick up the date in the
Lamborghini makes sense he's trying to impress her but I told
him start picking up your dates in your cheaper car I don't think you have fun
so I told me just go spend a few thousand dollars obviously you can
afford it and by an average or even below average car and pick up your dates
in that car and then on the second date pick him up in the Lamborghini without
mentioning it on the first date and what happens is the women they think wow why
didn't he pick me up in the Lamborghini on the first date oh it's because he
didn't have to he wasn't trying to impress me because he doesn't need to
impress me he knows he's a cool guy that he's a confident guy he doesn't need his
Lamborghini to impress women which is much more impressive because it shows
that he has that Lamborghini for himself not as a tool to attract people or
attract women into his life number six is talking too much which
relates to number seven but it's not necessarily bragging you're just giving
her all there is to know about you telling her every story you have and
telling her all about your hopes and dreams your likes and dislikes and all
the interesting things that you've done up until this point in your life which
sounds good on the surface but it takes away all the mistery she feels like she
knows everything about you on the first date which leaves her nothing to
discover on the second third fourth date and there might have been a few things
that you said maybe some opinions that you had that she doesn't agree with
nothing wrong with that of corpes but sometimes it's better to keep some of
that information inside you know you don't to tell her everything all your
political views and religious views and all your life views on the first date
talk about that as you get to know each other that way you're not giving her a
reason to not see you again after the first date I know that was a double
negative but you get the point plus we're all selfish beings we love
talking about ourselves let's face it you are your favorite topic of
conversation but it goes the same for her so if you just keep talking about
yourself she's not able to talk about herself and if you want her to feel
really good and feel like she really loved that date
and feel a deeper sense of rapport connection and intimacy with you then
get her talking about herself it should be more balanced either 50/50 or even
better yet she's talking 60 or 70 percent of the time you're talking 40 or
even 30 percent of the time and the key is to just be a good empathetic listener
and I guarantee you she'll want to go on a second date with you because hey she
didn't learn everything about you and she likes so far what she's discovered
but she wants to discover more and B she had a great time talking about herself
and expressing herself and she felt like you were a great listener number five is
trying to buy her affection now this is also a little bit related to number
seven bragging but here the difference is that you're not just bragging with
what you have because you might be kind of broke but you're still trying to
impress her by buying her gifts or clothes jewelry or even just taking her
to expensive restaurants this is bad because it creates the frame that her
time is much more valuable than your time and that you just don't have much
value as a man to attract her so therefore you had to buy her stuff you
had to buy her and try to win her affection which also can frame her as
sort of a prostitute not good in the sense that you're buying her stuff and
then you expect her to give you love affection or sex in return notice how I
say expect her to give you that's because most men that buy stuff for a
woman too early in the relationship they do it because they want something in
return it comes from a place of neediness
rather than a place of abundance it's like they need love or they need to get
laid now there's absolutely nothing wrong with buying something for a woman
that you really like but it should be without any expectation of something in
return that's what true giving is all about so for example when you first meet
a girl if you want to buy her a drink that's totally fine don't expect
anything in return if she says thanks and goes back to her friends be totally
fine with that now I know most guys would be pissed off and if that's you if
you're not fine with that then just don't buy her the drink and of
course early in the relationship or on a date avoid spending too much money right
away because can come across as you tried to
compensate for lack in other areas of your life again like I said it's you
trying to impress her and trying to win her over
that isn't impressive and it doesn't work and when you take her to really
expensive places right away without even really knowing anything about her it
creates the frame that she is really really important in your life which can
freak her out since you don't even know her why is she so important that you
have to take her to these really expensive places when you don't even
know her yet now of course some women will go along
with that because they want to go to nice restaurants you can't really blame
them for that but it makes her feel like you are courting her which makes her
look at you as potential husband material instead of potential lover
material which will usually cause her to take her sweet time to become intimate
with you and take the relationship to the next level because it's kind of like
she didn't have to do anything to attract you or anything to win you over
you were just completely sold and in love with her right away so you're doing
all this stuff to try to get her to feel the same for you you do not want that
kind of dynamic I had a client recently that would always take women to this
really expensive restaurant even though he didn't even really like the
restaurant he thought it was way too overpriced but he was doing it obviously
to impress them and he just kept complaining that his first or second
dates wouldn't lead to a third or fourth date so I told him take women to places
that you actually enjoy places that you want to go because that's gonna work
much better and it worked he's getting a lot more third and fourth dates number
four is going to only one spot for your date and this is what most guys do they
meet up at the restaurant they have a two hour dinner and then they hug kiss
on the cheek or maybe if he's lucky he'll get a kiss on the lips and that's
it and then he wonders why he never sees her again and the answer is because she
didn't feel much of a connection even if they had a lot in common and talked
about a lot of different subjects and there were never any weird moments of
silence one venue equals one experience versus going to a few different spots
may you pick her up and the drive there it
is considered one venue or one spot then you have a drink at one place then you
go dancing at another place then you go for a walk in the park and then you grab
ice cream and then maybe you go back to your place that's five or six different
memories five or six different experiences she's gonna feel a lot more
connected and feel a lot more comfortable and feel like she knows you
a lot more just because she has a lot more memories and shared experiences
with you even though it's only one date she logically knows that it's one date
it's gonna feel like she went on five dates with you which of course is gonna
make her feel a lot more safe and comfortable with number three is being
too needy this is so common have you ever showed up on a date with the
mindset that this girl's really special that you really want this girl and you
better not screw things up and therefore you better really impress her and so you
try to be who you think she wants you to be and you end up being a little bit
fake and even needy instead you must have the mindset that you're gonna
discover who she is no matter how amazing you think she is and you're
gonna see if she's a good fit for you or not remember looks are just a small
factor I know if to us guys kind of a big factor but remember just because she
has outer beauty it doesn't mean that she has inner beauty there's a concept
called the halo effect that basically implies that when somebody has one
attractive attribute we assume all these other attractive attributes for example
you see a tall good-looking guy we just assume he's confident and charming and
charismatic may not be the case and same thing with women you see a beautiful
woman we just assume that she's like everything in her life is perfect which
probably not the case so just don't let the sound of wedding bells in your head
fool you just remember there are many women on the planet she's not your only
option instead of thinking that you have to impress her which can make you do
things that are really needy and fake think let's see who this girl lives
maybe she's cool maybe not but I'm gonna have fun getting to know her and finding
out number two is not having any fun on the date most guys
have really boring dates and of course you're not gonna get a second date if
she's bored out of her mind it's not just about getting to know each other
and it's definitely not about impressing her and trying to win her over we
already dispelled that but the second mission of the date besides trying to
figure out if she is a good fit for you or not
is to have fun which is why like I said earlier you should go to multiple venues
because going to multiple then uses a lot more fun than just sitting in one
spot for two or three hours the more places you go the more exciting it is
the more of an adventure it is and pick spots that are fun that have either
games or activities that you can do together like playing billiards or
shooting darts or giant Jenga I really like bar Kade's
bars that have arcade games so you can take her there take your bowling take
your ice skating you know dancing in the moonlight because you see a guy playing
violin or a street performer I guess it'd be a park performer and you just
start spontaneously dancing all of these things are a lot more fun and
interesting than just sitting down and having dinner for two hours
womp-womp-womp dinner and movies are out they should never be your first date
they're a fine third or fourth date if you really want but your first date and
even your first two or three dates should be a lot more fun and interesting
it doesn't mean you have to take her to Disneyland no you don't need to spend a
lot of money on her but you can still find cool and interesting and fun bars
in your city so go look for some and of course you need to have fun conversation
with her as well so that might involve storytelling or teasing her or
role-playing and I made a video on my favorite ways to flirt with a girl and
I'll put a link to that down in the description make sure to watch it and
also make sure to get my conversation cheat sheet it gives you a bunch of
different ways to flirt and have fun interaction and conversations with women
on the date so that they'll become more attracted to you and definitely want to
see you again and finally number one is abandoning
your true self now I've already touched on this and
relates to being needy but it's very serious because some guys who don't
listen to this advice will go on to sacrificing years of their life trying
to find love by unknowingly manipulating women you see every time you agree with
her on something that goes against your true values and your standards you're
shrinking your self-confidence and you're actually pushing her away because
women don't want weak men who can't stand up for themselves if she can walk
all over you and enforce her opinions on you or if you just sacrifice your own
values for hers then how can she actually trust you a woman ultimately
wants a man that makes her feel safe and if you let her walk all over you or if
you're acting fake then she can't trust you which makes her feel really unsafe
so do not compromise your own values your own beliefs or boundaries just for
her and this is one reason that a lot of women like bad boys because they stay
true to who they are and they don't let women get away with anything now you
don't have to be a bad boy or an asshole to get women you can be a good nice
person you can be a good boy who knows your values and your boundaries and just
does not compromise them okay so I want you to avoid making these mistakes and
watch your dating life improve dramatically
remember no bragging either tell her in a more indirect way
or better yet let her find out about all your cool qualities on her own don't
talk too much don't dominate the conversation be a little bit of a
mystery and let her do a lot of the talking and don't try to buy her
affection with an expensive dinner fact dinner and movies are out go to multiple
venues make the date a fun adventure don't be needy and put her on a pedestal
and make sure like I just said keep things fun go to fun venues and never
sacrifice your own values beliefs and boundaries and if you want to go deeper
and really give this part of your life handle then let's hop on a call and chat
and see what you're doing that is pushing women away so that you can stop
doing it and get much better results there's a link to apply for a free
breakthrough session down in the description so check that out man or
follow me on insta and send me a DM and let's chat there
and figure out what you're doing that's not working and how we can fix it and
how you can get to where you want to be in the fastest amount of time possible
so follow me on instagram send me a DM and if you don't already have my free
conversation cheat sheet then get it man because it'll help you have much more
successful date so that you'll get a lot more second third and fourth days
because you'll be able to do carry the conversation in an attractive way and
flirt with her the way she wants you to flirt with her and escalate the
relationship to the next level in a smooth comfortable way so that you don't
have to worry about running out of things to set that can be super awkward
so download the free conversation cheat sheet there's a link down in the
description and to the right of the screen make sure to subscribe to this
channel so you don't miss a thing hit that Bell notification icon and
click like if you like this video I really appreciate it man I love you guys
my name is Matt artisan from the attractive man and I'll see you in the
next video