But let's focus on the man of the moment,
-president-elect Donald Trump. -(booing and groaning)
Oh, did I remind you? I'm sorry.
-(laughter and groaning) -I'm sorry. Did you forget?
(laughter)
Say what you will about him, but you cannot deny
the man knows how to throw a punch.
Which shouldn't be a surprise, because with his fists,
there's very little wind resistance.
-They just, um... you know? -(laughter)
He's basically bullied all of his critics,
he forcibly renamed his political rivals,
and he even called the
"the failing
that they finally just went with it.
-(laughter and groaning) -But for Trump,
those were just small fry.
You see, he's always had his sights set
on a much larger enemy.
I always hate that I have to have my ties made in China.
We can't continue to allow China to rape our country.
China is ripping us off.
They're taking our jobs.
We want deal!
China! China. China. China.
-(laughter) -(imitating Trump): "China!"
(laughter)
Quick question-- how are you gonna fight a country
when you can't even pronounce their name?
-Jyna! Jyna. -(laughter)
I doesn't sound like a country. It sounds like a toddler
who just learned the name of her private parts.
-That's what it sounds like. -(laughter)
-"Jyna! Jyna!" -(laughter)
-"Jyna, Jyna, Jyna! Jyna!" -(laughter)
"That's where my ties come from!"
(laughter)
And, by the way, by the way,
why do Donald Trump's suits fit so poorly?
Like, he's talking about all his clothes made in China.
I don't understand why they fit like this.
They're made
Why would they fit so badly?
Like, I wouldn't be shocked if his suits fit like that
because he exaggerates his measurements to his tailors.
"No, my arm is this long. It's this long!"
-(laughter) -It doesn't make sense.
Now, since the '80s,
Trump has been itching to pick a fight with Jyna.
And even though it's still 44 days
before he officially takes office,
he's already starting (bleep).
In an unprecedented move,
Trump took a call from Taiwan's president,
which broke more than three decades of diplomatic tradition.
WOMAN:
calling it a foreign policy blunder.
MAN: His phone call with Taiwan's president
touched off something of a weekend diplomatic firestorm
with China, and broke decades of presidential protocol.
Yup, once again, Donald Trump breaks protocol,
which is basically his specialty, because since Nixon,
all American presidents have publicly regarded Taiwan
as being a part of China, but not Trump. Yeah.
Donald Trump-- he treats protocol
-like the Kool-Aid man treats walls. -(laughter)
I
what Donald Trump's policy towards China will be.
It took decades to develop the ground
on which we talk to China,
and Donald Trump tore it up today.
If I were China right now, I would have no idea
what's going on-- and I'm not a hundred percent sure
Trump does, either.
Nobody knows what Trump's plan is.
He's just that kind of guy. He wakes up and he's like,
"Who said that? Me? Oh, okay, okay. Okay."
Because nobody knows if he has a plan.
This could be blunder, or it could be his opening chess move.
You know? Or actually, it's too complicated.
Maybe his opening checkers move.
Uh... no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
his opening Hungry Hungry Hippos move.
That looks right, that looks right, that looks right.
Now, look, now, look, the president of the--
there's a lot more skill in that game than you think--
now, nook, the president of the United States has the right
to determine America's policy toward China, I don't deny that.
What's worrying is that Donald Trump doesn't seem to know
which direction
or even
Because now Trump is positioning his Taiwan call
as taking an aggressive stance against China.
But when the story first broke, Trump implied in a tweet
that he didn't plan it.
Said he spoke to the president of Taiwan
because she called him out of the blue.
Which is even more frightening.
How are people able to call
the president of the United States... randomly?
And also, if that's the case,
why is he answering random calls?
This is president-elect of the United States!
It's just like, ring-ring, and he's like,
"Oh, that could be a world leader,
"or my Uber calling. Hold on.
Yes, this is Donald."
"Hello, Donald. This is Tsai Ing-wen from Taiwan."
"Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm waving. Is that you in the Camry?
Is that you?"
Who is this man?!
And this is why everybody's freaking out.
Because it doesn't look like Trump knows what he's doing.
And China's relationship with Taiwan is too tricky
to not know what you're doing.
You see, just like Dwayne Johnson,
uh, wasn't always The Rock,
-(laughter) -China... wasn't always communist.
And after its communist revolution in 1949,
all anti-communists fled to Taiwan
and declared themselves independent from China.
That's how it all started. Which China vehemently rejects.
In fact, in Shanghai's English-language bookstores,
they actually unwrap new English dictionaries
and they rip out the page that has the entry for Taiwan.
That's how seriously they take it in China.
Which is not just censorship, I mean, that's some crazy
ex-lover behavior, that's... I mean, because you realize,
when you rip out a page of a dictionary,
you're not just losing Taiwan, you're losing
all the other words that have "T" around it.
Like the word "taken" is on the same page as Taiwan.
"Taken" is gone. That would explain
why Liam Neeson's movies flopped in China.
They probably had no meaning.
They probably had to redub all of his lines.
He was like, "What? My daughter's been gotten?"
(laughter)
But that's... that's how China rolls.
And because America tries to respect both China
their relationship ends up being, uh, complicated.
NEWSMAN:
the U.S. has had a One-China policy,
recognizing only one of the two countries
that call themselves China.
...recognizing Taiwan through defense contracts
and informal contacts, but not as a separate government
with its own diplomatic standing.
NEWSMAN:
It is weird that China accepts America selling weapons
to Taiwan, but will not stand for a phone call.
That is weird. But it's a weird thing
that you have to respect.
Because it's a matter of respect.
It's sort of like when you go to visit your grandma.
Out of respect, you and your girlfriend
sleep in separate rooms.
Yeah. She knows that you're together,
but you just act like it's not happening.
But Donald Trump, he doesn't do respect.
He doesn't play protocol. When he's at Grandma's,
he (bleep) bigly.
(laughter)
And the crazy thing is we have to get involved.
Now we're reading up.
Do you understand how strange that is, by the way?
We
that the president of the United States
doesn't know what he's doing? We're like, "All right,
we're gonna read up just in case, Donald."
Because, look, no one's ever messed with China
like this before.
No one really knows what the ramifications will be.
It may be nothing.
Or it could lead to a war.
Or maybe, maybe China tries to hurt America's economy
by stopping all trade.
These are all really bad outcomes.
Really bad.
I will say this, though, if a trade war means
we don't have to see him in one of those suits anymore,
then maybe it was all worth it.