Every parent wants their child to develop the very best that they can.
There are so many different factors that we look at to make sure that our
children have the very best. And when we're talking about creating an
environment for that child development to happen, we can't ignore the parenting
styles. The parenting styles are vital for creating the right type of
development environment for our children. If you're wanting to have the best
developmental results for your child, this videos for you.
In previous episodes, I've talked about the 3 different styles of parenting.
So, make sure you're subscribing to this channel so you don't miss out on those
episodes. But what you'll find in those episodes is that I constantly refer to
one style of parenting as the best. That style of parenting is traditional strict
parenting. In this video, we're going to talk about why that is and the difference it
makes in your child's development. Imagine home where you say to your child,
"I need you to clean the toilet." They look at you keep a calm face voice and body
and say, "okay." And then they walk off to clean the toilet. And then a few minutes
later they come back and they say, "Mom, I cleaned the toilet is there anything
else?" Does that seem too good to be true? It happens at my house all the time.
Since 1999, we have been teaching our children self-government. We have been
living in a traditional strict environment. So, they know things. They
know how to follow an instruction like that and to check back. And when they do
come back to me, I praise them, of course. Because it's a positive environment.
Traditional strict parents aren't mean. They're incredibly positive. They're
motivating, they are helping their children with all of their problems,
they're not taking the problems personally. Just to be clear, let me
define the word strict. When I looked the word strict up in Webster's 1828
dictionary, it said that strict is governing yourself by a set of
principles. So, that means that your actions are actually matching your
principles. That's what strict is. And traditional strict parents have
historically looked back in time and figured out that people who have
followed their principles with their actions have the best results. So, let me
share with you some of the developmental benefits of traditional strict parenting.
When parents decide together what type of parenting they're going to be doing
in their home, then the result is unity with the parents. When there's unity with
the parents, then there's increased bonding between parents and children. So,
one of the most obvious results is the bond between parents and children. And
this bond usually looks like happiness and understanding. A friend of mine said
to me one time, "Nicholeen, your family is the happiest
family that I know." That was a really nice compliment that she gave me.
I didn't solicit it at all. In fact, she said, "Another family was talking about
your family and how there are some differences with your family and the
rules that you have." And she said, "I looked right at them and said: Those
children are the happiest children I've ever met in my life." What a good friend.
And she noticed that the decisions that we made as a family have impacted the
happiness with our children and the bond in the relationships that we have
together. That is a huge benefit. Can you imagine what that does for the security
of a child? For their feeling of safety and encouragement and empowerment for
life? It does a lot of things. Let me tell you about my children. All of them want
to start college early. When they hit about 15, they're like, "I want to start
college next to your mom. And I want to do these different things." They want jobs.
They want to get their drivers licenses. the moment they turn 16. They want to do
a man's day's work and a woman's day's work. They work with their dad, they build
projects. They pull out weeds. They work with me in our family garden for hours
at a time without complaining. Just the other day my 18-year old and 16-year old
disappeared from the house. And then I heard a sound. I went, "Is that the lawn
mower going?" And I went outside and they were just mowing the lawn. Then the next
day came. They disappeared from the house again. They had free time. They were done
with some of their other things they needed to do for school and so forth. I
look outside, they're washing my cars. 2 days in a row, mow the lawns then
wash the cars. This is what they do. Sometimes they'll be gone for a portion
of a day and I come back and they've cleaned the entire house without even
being asked. And they say to me, "Mom, it's fun to clean the house. I like to see it
when it's done. I'd like to be here myself cleaning it and just going
through the process." That is a person who has security. Who cares about their
family. They're motivated, they're empowered. These are all things that come
from having parents who were on the same page with traditional strict principles.
Taught their children's skills that match those principles and
follow-through is love. And those are all the components of creating a traditional
strict parenting atmosphere. Another thing that people notice immediately
when they meet me or some of my family members is it's calm. There's a feeling
of peace and calmness in our house. In fact when we were on the BBC program,
even the camera crew cried at the end. They didn't want to leave our home. And
to be honest, we didn't want them to leave either. We love people because we
love each other. The love is round and encompassing. It brings in our neighbors,
it brings in our families, it brings in total strangers. When a family has
calmness and love with each other, it spreads out to everybody else and
essentially brings them into the safety of that family. One of the members of the
camera crew said, "Nicholeen, can I come back to your house for
a holiday? I would really like that." Oh, yes. We were so excited at the prospect
of him coming back to visit us when he had time off. Obviously, if there's a lot
of calmness, that means there's no yelling. There's no manipulation too. Just
honesty. You know, yelling is a form of manipulation which means that it's
actually dishonest communication. In a traditional strict family, everything is
based on truth and honesty. The family has morals and
foundational values that are based on what's right and wrong, good and bad, true
and false. So, that means all communications are done with honesty and
humility. Not manipulation or coercion in any way. Of course it feels safe to be
corrected when somebody isn't taking your misbehavior personally. And we don't.
We're not worried about manipulating the emotions of our children. We just teach
them the principles and the skills that they need to govern themselves. So, that
brings us to another benefit. Governing yourself. Did you notice in the story
about London and porter going out to mow the lawn or to wash the cars? They just
chose it all on their own. I didn't tell them to do it. That's governing
themselves. When they wake up in the morning, they immediately go on runs, go
shower, get all ready for the day. They start their math, they do their chemistry,
they do their music. They just tick through every single thing that they
have to do. And they know what chores they have to do and they get those done. And I
don't have to ask them. Their lives are happier and more free. There's no nagging.
If they forget something, I'm going to give them an instruction. Nobody's perfect. But
the majority of the time, they just do what they know needs to be done. And
everybody when we talk together, the type of open communication that exists in our
family unit is priceless. I don't have to talk to them about what
they didn't do all the time because I've been consistent in my correcting for
years for their entire life. Because we've been strict in following principle
and applying our skills to those principles. When we have communications,
it's about meaningful things. We talk to each other about the things we care
about. My children tell me about the boys and the girls that they have crushes on.
And we talk about how to develop good relationships. We plan things for their
future. We laugh and joke and play games. And there's no
stress attached to that. You don't know how bad I want every family to
experience that type of freedom and peace. Everything I do with teaching
self-government and the parenting stuff I teach is to try to free people from
emotional bondage. To find that freedom that's on the other side that liberates
the children and empowers them and makes them desire to be parents and to be
really functioning adults. Another wonderful benefit of being raised in a
traditional strict family is you become a good problem solver. We teach our
children certain skills that help them solve problems so they can look at the
things happening around them and determine what they need, what skill they
need to use to solve that problem. Whether it's a problem with a
relationship or a problem with a chore or something else. Everything is about
skill development and they learn so many different skills that their
problem-solving becomes easier. In fact, often times people come to my children
to solve their problems. My oldest daughter who happens to be in
college right now is like a therapist for almost all of her friends. She said,
"Mom, I feel like I'm the mother of my whole apartment sometimes because they
come to me and ask me advice on everything. And I coach them through
their problems. And I help them find the solutions." Well, why is she so good at
solving problems? I mean, I guess you could say it comes naturally for her. I
mean, she is my daughter. It sort of comes naturally for me too. But I think it's
more because that's just how her life has been all the way long. She doesn't
take mistakes personally. When she makes a mistake, she accepts it. It's okay, it
doesn't ruin her day. And when someone else makes a mistake even if it affects
her, she doesn't take it personally either. She just picks herself up and
moves on. People who are raised in traditional strict families know that
mistakes are okay. They're part of life. They don't have to feel like a failure.
In fact, life is just about learning and the excitement
goes with that. Not about whether you were better than somebody else or
whether you looked good to somebody else. It's just about the processes that we're
going through. And we always trust in those processes in our home. I've been
telling a lot of stories about my children and I guess you can pretty much
determine that they're pretty confident. 3 of my 4 children are adults. And
I have one that is still high school age who acts like an adult. There's nothing
that they think they can't do. They're incredibly confident when they
communicate with people. If they have a problem they address it. If there's
somebody they need to talk to on the phone because they need to reschedule an
appointment or ask about a scheduling problem with their college schedule, they
just call them up. They just talk to him, they just solve the problems. They're
incredibly confident. When you can accept your mistakes as okay and when you can
follow through on skills that you've learned for your development, you just
naturally become confident. Especially if the environment is not emotional in a
manipulative kind of a way. Emotions are definitely part of our love that we have
for each other as a family. But they're saved for those moments where we truly
bond and cry together and laugh together and talk about the important things.
They're not meant to use each other and abused each other. That's not what we use
emotions for in our traditional strict family. We maintain calmness when we are
solving our problems. Do you want to have more calmness in your family too?
Because I have a gift for you. It's called the Calm Parenting Toolkit.
And it's free. If you go to the description below this video, you'll see
a link there to the Calm Parenting Toolkit. I would love for you to have it.
If it can bless your family with more calmness so that you can start on that
Traditional Strict Parenting Road. Nothing would make me happier. That's
what I'm all about. That's my mission. That's what I do to try to help people
in this world. If our families can become the families that we were meant to be,
our children will literally change this world. It starts with you choosing to
be calm and helping them learn how to do that.