- Think about that now, no, no, feds don't know you.
- Yeah.
I think it's, to be honest with ya,
I don't even know what he said.
(Uncle Nino speaking away from mic)
- I'm in disbelief, you know,
I haven't seen my mom in so long, I feel
and I'm literally in shock, I think,
for the first time in my life.
- [Uncle Nino] Welcome home, buddy.
- Stop crying, what the hell.
- I'm so happy to see you, Vin.
- I don't know, it's just seeing your family
makes you realize how much you miss them.
- I'm surprised to see you.
(laughing)
- [Woman] How are you?
- Oh, Snooki, cookie, (speaking in foreign language).
- Uncle Nino. - Pauly D.
- Vinny's Uncle Nino.
Uncle Nino's back, he's drunk,
he's hitting on every girl in the place.
- Uncle Nino.
(speaking away from mic)
- Uncle Nino is the ultimate creep,
I feel like he should be in this house with us.
Honestly, he should get the smoosh room.
- My buddy Mike.
- I didn't see Uncle Nino.
- He's with Mike's family right now.
- He gave Vinny-- - He forgot we're family.
Uncle Nino!
When you're done talking to your nephew come meet Vinny.
(laughing)
(door rattling)
- [Jenni] Whoa, I think the house was cleaned.
- Yeah, it looks like it. - Oh, it smells clean.
- (gasps) No way!
- Oh wow.
- Oh my God.
(beeping)
What are you doing here?
What the hell is my mom doing in the middle of the kitchen
right now in Miami?
- I've been calling you for a month,
you don't pick up the phone.
I said, what's the next best thing, right.
- Right now, I'm in shock seeing my mom,
but once the shock wears off,
this is the best surprise ever.
- Are you happy to see me? - I'm happy to see you
but I don't know how happy I am
for you to be in this crazy house.
- Why?
- Because they're crazy in here.
(speaking in foreign language)
(beeps)
- Uncle Nino is in the back.
- Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Why did you bring him?
I know everyone loves Uncle Nino and I know he's fun,
but he's the most annoying (beeps) that exists.
- [Ronnie] Hey, what are you doing in my house?
- What's (beeps). - Uncle Nino!
- What the (beeps) are you (beeps)?
- Don't bother, don't bother, don't bother my girl.
- He's loud, he's obnoxious,
you can't understand what he's saying.
- I see your balls.
- His body is offensive, his tan is offensive.
You can't take him in public.
- You got big. - What's up bro?
- You look like you've--
- Yeah, what's up?
(lips smack)
You look tanned, you look good.
You got burnt out there?
Oh my God.
- What the (beeps) what the (beeps).
- I never thought I'd see the day
where we're in the confessional
- [Both] Together.
- Jesus forgive me for my sins.
- I am, yes, you're forgiven.
- And of my craziness and for my --
- All right, I gotta go, I'm hungry.
- We're out, we gotta go eat, God bless America.
- Hello.
- [Uncle Nino] Oh, Vinny's home!
(laughing)
- Hey. - What's up, baby?
- What are you guys doing here?
- Hi Vin. - Having a look
(beeps) things over here.
- Hi. - Oh, Vin.
- What are you guys on vacation here?
- [Uncle Nino] What's up, baby?
- I didn't even tell the to house sit,
they just randomly show up all the time
and probably, Nino eats my food.
- You're watching the house for me?
- [Paula] Vin.
- Are you watching him watch the house?
- I'm watching, you see where I was sitting?
Where he goes, I go.
- Look, she got a pussy cup.
- That's my cat cup, don't break it, that was a gift.
And don't spill the wine on the rug.
- No, no, never.
- Vinny, you look skinny.
- Skinny is good. - No, no, too skinny.
- Thin is in. - Look, all your bones,
look at your bones.
- I've had that since I was a teenager.
- I was meaning to ask you,
you're into gambling, what'd you do?
- No I have to tell you something.
- It's not gambling with no broads, no broads.
- Let him talk.
- I have to tell you something, don't freak out,
all right. - Okay, I don't freak out.
- When I was there, I got married.
- You got what?
- I got married.
(lighthearted orchestra music)
- To who?
- Yeah, me and Pauly got married.
(laughing)
We had a bro-mitment ceremony,
like commitment, bro-mitment, see.
- It's like a friendship thing, like a friendship thing?
- Like we're bro's, we're bromates.
- Did you go on a honeymoon.
- Oh no, that's next.
- From your wedding, the chapel, you got to honeymoon.
- Honeymoon suite, yeah. - And then,
next stop is divorce, divorce.
- Uncle Nino has been married like four times,
so I don't think there's anybody worse
to get relationship advice from.
If I brought Pauly home
and said, we're together, what would you do?
- I'd go register you at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
(mellow xylophone music)
- What the (beeps)?
Jen, Jenni, the meat is harder than,
softer than the table, what the (beeps).
- Crazy uncle.
- He is a crazy uncle.
- What, baby?
- You're crazy uncle.
- What, what, what?
- You're crazy uncle.
- Crazy uncle.
- No I'm not, I'm very happy, I'm not crazy.
- It's okay.
- [Uncle Nino] She called me a crazy uncle.
- Well, you've been called worse.
Meilani even knows, Uncle Nino is the crazy uncle,
like, oh, you're the crazy uncle.
I'm like, oh my God, Meilani.
Yes, it's him but we don't say it out loud, shh.
(lighthearted orchestra music)
- Jen, Jenni.
Ronnie, he's a sweetheart.
I know he adores you, he adores you, adore.
He's a good, a good soul, he's a beautiful soul.
He doesn't care about any other women, they don't exist.
(coughing)
- I wonder if this door works.
(door slams)
Is that seating or no?
(laughing)
- [Vinny] She's taking off the shawl, she's in the bikini.
Oh my God, she's getting in.
- But a little puzzled, my opinion.
I've been watching TMZ.
(dramatic rumbling)
- Wait, what?
- TMZ.
- You beating up on him, on my boy?
- Oh my God, everything was going great
and now Uncle Nino has to come in and stir the pot.
- What's that all about?
- It's fake news.
- Fake news, my balls.
You keep (beeps) him up.
- What are you talking about?
- 'Cause he loves you.
- Okay, you don't--
- He (beeps) loves you.
- He better be careful, I feel like
freaking Jen is gonna come after Uncle Nino.
- You hear me, Jen, you hear me?
He's a dynamite kid, leave him the (beeps) alone.
- Oh my God, this is stressful.
I wish I could have a glass of wine right now.
- You get him so tense, it's like,
Uncle Nino, I don't know what the (beeps) to do.
- He's asking you for advice?
- Yes.
Don't take advantage of his love, you know.
Ah (beeping).
- I can't understand him.
- Stop beating him up.
- Sometimes you just don't understand
what Uncle Nino says.
- Stop beating him up.
- Stop beating him up, I'm like, oh my God.
- Jen, really-- - All right,
is there a mute button?
- [Uncle Nino] Where ya going?
- Away from you.
(laughing)
- I feel like if Jen wasn't mad at Ron now,
she might be after this.
- Get off my buddy's back.
- Don't let him near my baby.
- [Uncle Nino] Oh.
- Leave it to Uncle Nino.
(laughing)
- I missed you, what's up, baby?
- Nothing, man, just trying to continue
to live my best life right now.
- Well, you gotta. - You know what I mean.
But I still have to pay for mistakes from years ago.
- Yeah, you know, I didn't expect that at all.
- But, yeah. - I thought you might get,
I thought max, five year probation.
Three to five, you know, probation, you not doing time.
You probably going, where you going?
- I don't know, somewhere in New Jersey
or Pennsylvania, maybe.
- You're probably going Danbury, I've been there,
to visit, you know to visit many friends.
- But you put the word out?
- I made some phone calls, everybody's aware.
So and then when you're in there
you got to try not to confront nobody.
- No.
- Don't stare nobody in the eyes
'cause then they take that as an insult.
And things like that's important, stuff like that.
Yeah, yeah, (speaking away from mic)
he should've done 30 years, you know.
'Cause I was like how the (beeps) does he do it, you know.
- Uncle Nino is just telling me to--
- Come think about it now, no, no, no, feds don't now you.
- Yeah, I thinks he's, to be honest with ya,
I don't even know what he said.
(Uncle Nino speaking away from mic)
- I should come and visit you.
What did you think of that crash course in college?
What they say in jail, (beeps) don't count in jail.
- What did they say?
- (beeps) Don't count in jail.
- Oh, oh (beeps) no, no, no.
- Pizza and chicken cutlets.
- This is a send off.
- I can't eat that now, ma, get this away from me.
I had been working out and dieting non-stop
to get to this moment.
It's my favorite but I can't do it.
People think that it's easy being a stripper.
It takes a lot of work, a lot of dedication,
a lot of sacrifice.
I gotta shave my ass.
(shaver buzzing)
Have you ever shaved an ass before?
It's not fun.
- Let me help you 'cause you've filled up
a whole suitcase with two things.
The underwear you should put up front.
You don't need these.
You're bringing heavy things to Las Vegas.
Three towels, they have towels in the hotel?
You're only bringing one pair of shorts?
Is there a gym there?
You gonna be careful, right, Vin?
We don't know doctors there,
we don't know if there's hospitals.
- Ma, Las Vegas has hospitals and doctors.
- Paula, where are you, Paula, where's you going?
- I'm going to Vegas.
- What are you doing here?
He's going to work.
- Can I help you with something?
- Can I come and visit you?
- No, this is not a vacation, all right.
It's a big opportunity for me,
I don't want anyone stressing me out--
- It's work.
- No, you will blow it for me,
'cause every time you're around
you can get me fired from somewhere.
Listen, I have to just take this seriously,
I wanna really do a good job here, okay.
So I need to clear my head,
so I'm gonna go play basketball, ma, okay.
- You are?
- Yeah, I want one more work out because--
- Why don't you rest though before you go?
- Ma, no days off.
I'll talk to you guys later.
- Now, look how skinny his legs are.
Vin, your legs are so skinny.
(upbeat dance music)
- [Uncle Nino] What the (beeps)?
- Ha, man, you made it.
(exclaims)
You made it.
(laughing)
Good to see you, good to see you.
You look great, this is gonna be perfect.
This is gonna be perfect.
- Let's do this.
- Paula is here and everything.
- Paula's here, my sister?
- Yeah.
Now, I'mma sneak you in, nobody knows.
- Back door. - Yeah, back door.
- I'm used to the (beeps) back door.
- Yeah. - Back door.
- We pulled it off, it's gonna be good though.
It's gonna be real good.
- He really has no clue?
- Nah, he has no clue.
- What time you think we gonna go?
- We're gonna try to get 10:30.
- 10:30? - Yeah.
But I'll keep you posted.
- All right, cool.
- [John] Let me know if you need anything.
- Those (beeps) sneakers, I can't, you're blinding me.
- I wanna make sure you could find me.
(laughing)
- I love you.
- Uncle Nino is a boss, he don't give a (beeps)
he has no filter.
- I'm chunkindales.
- I love what comes out of his mouth.
He's hilarious.
- I ain't shaving my balls.
Here we go baby.
- We're here, we're here, look at this.
(beeps)
- We like, snuck in. - Yes.
I strive to be that guy one day, he's awesome.
All right, so listen, I got this robe for you.
- You got a robe?
- There you go.
- Let me show you what I got, let me show you what I got.
- Hey, all right.
- Let me show you, let me show you.
(laughing)
- Tan is on point, always.
- Ugh, wait, ah.
- Hey, hey, hey.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Yo, baby.
- That's what I'm talking about.
(uncle Nino exclaims)
So this is what's gonna go down.
You're gonna hang here, right.
The show is gonna go on,
but I have you as a special guest
that nobody knows is coming right.
- No clue, no clue. - No.
(laughing)
So when it comes time, I got them come to get you,
sending you on stage.
You're gonna walk the runway, do your thing,
and show Vinny how it's really done.
(laughing)
- I love you.
- My man.
Vinny is gonna lose it.
You used to work here, back in the day, huh?
(laughing)
- Back in 19 (beeps) 75.
- And they even got your picture on the wall.
Isn't that you as a kid?
(laughing)
(upbeat disco music)
People in the crowd right now
think they just saw the grand finale,
but nope, the grand finale is about to happen right now.
(upbeat disco music)
(crowd cheering)
- [Uncle Nino] What's up (beeps) what's up (beeps)?
Vinny, what's up (beeps)?
What's up, Vinny, what's up?
- Oh my God, is that Uncle Nino?
I can't see him but I (beeps) hear him?
- [Uncle Nino] You come to Vegas and you don't--
- [Jenni] No way, no way.
- Prank war champion, prank war champion.
- What the hell?
- You don't invite you're Uncle Nino?
- Everybody make some noise for Uncle Nino.
(crowd cheering)
- Prank war champion, prank war champion.
- I hate you.
(laughing)
(crowd drowns out Uncle Nino)
- What the (beeps) is that?
- Prank war champion.
- Obviously, this is the work
of the prank war champion, Pauly.
And they got me, they got me really good.
(crowd cheering)
- What?
What?
I'm dead, I am dead.
Pauly is Mr. Prankster.
We didn't even know he was coming.
Pauly didn't tell anybody.
- All right, Uncle Nino,
get the (beeps) outta here, come on, let's go.
The show's over. - Prank war champion.
- The show's over, come on, get outta here.
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you guys so much.
We hope you guys had a fantastic night.
Thank you guys for joining us.
- That's your baby, you know that.
(knocking)
- Who's that?
- Room service.
- Oh boy. - Uncle Nino.
- Where's my family, here's my family.
- Hi. - Hi baby.
- Hey dad. - Hi.
- What's up Roger?
(exclaims)
- No.
- My (beeps).
What the (beeps)?
- Oh my God, sorry. - Zack, his name is Zack.
- Hi Zack, man. - He knows, he knows.
(laughing)
- I'm so-- - Sorry guys.
- Hey 24, meet 84.
(laughing)
- [Woman] Oh my God, Uncle Nino strikes again.
- Leave it to Uncle Nino to always point out
the elephant in the room.
I feel embarrassed every time
Uncle Nino has to meet a new person in society.