[Disclaimer read by Vegeta]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
KRILLIN: Wow... you really took care of that guy.
VEGETA: Yeah. Didn't even know I could pull it off.
But, you know us Saiyans:
We get stronger *every* time we almost die.
KRILLIN: Well, that seems... incredibly unfair.
So, umm... you seem like a busy man, so--
VEGETA: Oh yeah, killing people. And I'm about to become immortal.
KRILLIN: Well, we don't want to keep ya, so I guess we'll be seeing ya.
VEGETA: Yup, and I still got a lot to take care of, and I--
Ohohohoho, oh, wait a minute, nice try...
Give me the Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Aww...
VEGETA: You know, I could kill both of you right now,
but after killing Zarbon and getting this last Dragon Ball,
I'm in a good mood.
I mean, a REALLY good mood.
But just remember this:
Next time you see me, I WILL be immortal.
Not that you stood a chance to begin with; I'm just...
sayin'.
[Uproarious laugh track]
Wakka wakka!
{PCHOOOOO}
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
BULMA: Well, congratulations. You’ve single-handedly doomed us all.
KRILLIN: I didn’t see YOU do anything.
BULMA: What exactly did you expect me to do?
KRILLIN: I dunno, maybe you coulda *bitched* at him, how 'bout that?
That’s all you appear to be good for these days, huh?
Used your Bitch Fu on him?
Bulma, the Mistress of *Bitching*, that’s what they should call you!
[♫ Parody of “Don’t Stop Me Now” ♫]
VEGETA & GOHAN: ♫ Don’t stop me now ♫
♫ I'm havin’ such a good time ♫
♫ I’m holdin’ this ball ♫
♫ Don’t stop me now ♫
[Needle scratch]
What the...!?
GOHAN: That’s Vegeta!
'Uh... I know - if I just hide here and lower my power level,'
'he shouldn’t find me!'
VEGETA: Okay, what the hell is going on?
I know I just sensed something down there.
GOHAN: 'Good! Now just go on, and--'
VEGETA: Hey! Show yourself before I turn this place into a barren wasteland!
So basically the same, only on fire.
GOHAN: 'Crapbaskets!'
VEGETA: THREE.....
VEGETA: THREE.....TWO.....
VEGETA: THREE.....TWO.....ONE....
GOHAN: Hi! Um... hello, Mister... Vegeta... Sir.
VEGETA: Well, if it isn’t Moe Howard.
GOHAN: How do you even--?
VEGETA: Space Hulu.
GOHAN: Figures.
VEGETA: So what are you doing here?
GOHAN: Oh, you know - just flyin’ around.
VEGETA: Flyin' around?
GOHAN: Flyin' around.
VEGETA: Thwartin' mah plans?
GOHAN: Thwarting your plans?
VEGETA: Are you?
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Good, ‘cause that’d be bad.
GOHAN: How bad?
VEGETA: I’d have to kill you.
GOHAN: That’s bad.
VEGETA: Indeed. Stupid-looking watch you got there.
GOHAN: Yes; it tells time... and nothing else.
VEGETA: Well, yeah, that’s what a watch DOES... dumbass.
GOHAN: So, uh, can I... help you?
VEGETA: No... but maybe I can help you.
GOHAN: Uh! I need an adult!
VEGETA: I am an adult.
GOHAN: UNNGH! UWEHH!
VEGETA: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent-up aggression against your father.
Take that.
{PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo}
GOHAN: 'Don’t... stop me now...'
'I don’t... wanna... stop at... allllll--'
Egh! Uwehh!
KRILLIN: Seriously.
Five ancient sages of bitchdom all gathered together one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth.
And a hundred years later, when all the *bitch* stars had aligned,
you were born and made everybody’s life around you a living hell
because YOU
because YOU ARE SUCH
because YOU ARE SUCH A *BITCH*!!!
Uhh...
BULMA: You done?
KRILLIN: Yeah... yeah, I guess.
BULMA: Good.
{SMACK} KRILLIN: Ow!
GOHAN: Guys!
KRILLIN: Gohan!
GOHAN: You guys... I think we should find a new location.
KRILLIN: Why? What’s wrong with this place?
GOHAN: Because we have 10 minutes before Vegeta finds out that I just stole this.
KRILLIN: Uh--...! Uh...! Aah...!
[Swan dive!]
VEGETA: 'God, I love it when a plan comes together!'
'Took some time, effort and lots of bodies, but now it’s mine.'
'Immortality is my BITCH!'
'Now, it should be right here.'
'Riiight here...'
'Where the hell is it?'
'It couldn’t have gone anywhere...'
'Alright - I’m going to close my eyes, and when I open them up, it’s going to be right here--'
'it's not here.'
'Why isn't it here?! I don't get it! Who could've--'
!
'The kid! But... how could he have found it?! He would...'
'wait... that watch...'
'that watch was no watch at all!'
'It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator!'
'Which means...'
'Which means... *which means*...!'
{DING}
GHOST NAPPA [deadpan]: He tooook the Dragon Ball...
[Vegeta begins screaming in rage]
{BOOM} VEGETA: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGH...!!!
VEGETA: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGH...!!!
GOHAN: Uh, Krillin... do you hear that?
KRILLIN: I *feel* that.
FREEZA: What the devil is that noise?
GOKU: Ah, time for a delicious sports drink--
huh? What the heck is that?
[Background talking]
KING YEMMA: Purgatory, Hell...
Denise... Denise, do you hear that...?
Oh God, is that my wife?!
LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU ALREADY TOOK THE KIDS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!
[Sounds of emergency sirens and burning buildings]
TRUNKS: Alright, Mom. Once that Time Machine is done, I can go back into the past, to save Goku and my father--
[Who is STILL screaming - from a different TIMELINE.] [How the hell did his vocal cords not rupture?!]
...Daddy?
KRILLIN: Alright... I don't think Vegeta will find us here.
Gohan, I need to get you to Guru's!
GOHAN: What? Why?
KRILLIN: So the old man can touch you and pull things out of you that you never knew you had!
GOHAN: ...I need an adult?
KRILLIN: I am an adult.
BULMA: Oh no, no no *no*! I am not letting you abandon me here again!
Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!
KRILLIN: Bulma, you're right. You have been *very* helpful and *very* patient with us.
So, in return...
we're letting you watch the Dragon Ball. Bye!
BULMA: I WILL KILL YOU BOTH IN YOUR SLEEP!
[Ominous music]
FREEZA: 'As soon as the Ginyu Force arrives, all of my problems will officially be over.'
'Soon, immortality will be mine and the entire Universe will be under my foot!'
'Oh, I wonder what I should do first? I guess I should start with what I *won't* do when I become immortal:'
'*Die*!' >:)
ACAI: Lord Freeza! The Ginyu Force is scheduled to arrive in five minutes!
FREEZA: Thank you, Acai.
ACAI: Also, after rising concerns with our personnel... exploding...
we decided to form a union!
FREEZA: ...Adorable.
[Acai is vaporized] ACAI: RRRAAGGGH!
FREEZA: 'Oh! First thing I'm going to do is go up to Cooler and slap him right in his smug, prick *face*!'
GOHAN: Hey, Krillin!
KRILLIN: That's it! We're going to make it!
We're finally gonna--
{SCREECH}
...die! We are going to die!
GOHAN: Krillin, what is *that*?
KRILLIN: Pure rage, Gohan. Pure rage.
GOHAN: What do we do?
KRILLIN: Run, Gohan. Run as fast as you can.
GOHAN: But I-- KRILLIN: Do as I say, for I am the Heavenly Buddha!
GOHAN: ...Wha--? KRILLIN: Just go!
NAIL: Guru, sir, we have another traveller from Earth.
GURU: Oh, tell me you didn't let him inside--!
GOHAN: Hello, Mr. Guru!
GURU: Oh, goddammit!
GOHAN: Mr. Guru, sir, my friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
GURU: Do I look Catholic to you?
NAIL: Sir, I think he means he wants you to release his hidden potential.
GOHAN: Yeah, that.
GURU: Fine, stand still. It's your first time so I'll gentle.
Now relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
GOHAN: I need an adult...?
GURU: I AM AN ADUUUUULLLLL--!!
[Gohan powers up] GURU: I AM AN ADUUUUULLLLL--!!
KRILLIN: Huh, that's odd. I don't feel anything anymore.
I wonder if we lost him--
[Sinister music] VEGETA: I am here for it...
KRILLIN: For what?
VEGETA: Dragon. Ball.
VEGETA: Dragon. Ball. I. Need. That Dragon Ball.
VEGETA: Dragon. Ball. I. Need. That Dragon Ball. Give it to me.
VEGETA: Dragon. Ball. I. Need. That Dragon Ball. Give it to me. The one you took.
VEGETA: Dragon. Ball. I. Need. That Dragon Ball. Give it to me. The one you took. I need my wish...
KRILLIN: Are... you OK?
GHOST NAPPA: I think your rage broke, Vegeta.
VEGETA: SHUT UP, GHOST OF NAPPA!
KRILLIN: Who was that?
VEGETA: I'm not crazy!
VEGETA: I'm not crazy! *You're* crazy!
VEGETA: I'm not crazy! *You're* crazy! *Especially* you, Nappa!
GHOST NAPPA: Eeeeey.
KRILLIN: Who are you talking to--?
VEGETA: Dragon Ball! Hand now, please!
KRILLIN: Ummm... I don't... really... have it.
VEGETA: No...
KRILLIN: What?
VEGETA: nooo...
KRILLIN: Uhhh...
VEGETA: nooooo...!
KRILLIN: uhhh...!
{SNAP} [Sinister music ends]
[Vegeta breaks out of his rage] VEGETA: How? Wait, what? Where am I?
Why are you here? Where's Nappa?
KRILLIN: Didn't you kill him?
VEGETA: Yes! Of course I did! He's dead...
VEGETA: Yes! Of course I did! He's dead... forever.
KRILLIN: So, uh--
VEGETA: Where's that immense power coming from?
KRILLIN [rapidly]: Oh, that's probably Gohan over in the hut where the creator of the Dragon Balls is.
You know, the guy who can unlock your potential by putting his hand on top of your head--
oh God, I cannot shut up when I am scared...
VEGETA: Interesting! I'm gonna go pay him a... whaddya call it?
KRILLIN: A visit?
VEGETA: Beating! That's it... I'm gonna go pay him a beating.
KRILLIN: Ah! Crapbaskets.
NAIL: Hello? Can I help you with something?
VEGETA: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die; save me the trouble.
NAIL: Ooh! Ooh, is this really happening? 'Cause I really hope it is.
VEGETA: Ohoho, trust me, you don't want any of what I am right now.
NAIL: Then come on, bring all four feet of you. Or should I count your stupid hair?
VEGETA: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
NAIL: Big talk coming from a bipedal *bitch*.
VEGETA: Ohoho! Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I've gotten out of your people yet.
Then again, I'll have to compare you to all those villagers I slaughtered.
NAIL: Oh, you are *dead*!
NAIL: Oh, you are *dead*! GURU: Naaaaail!
GURU: Naaaaail!
Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like:
[Slurping noises]
NAIL: Thank you, Lord Guru!
VEGETA: I'm not here for any of you idiots anyway. I'm here for the old man.
GOHAN: Oh no, you don't!
With this power-up, I'm now as strong as you were when we fought on Earth!
VEGETA: Congratulations! You're still weaker than the last 3 guys I killed.
GOHAN: Wow... I now know what it's like to feel like Krillin.
KRILLIN [off-screen]: Sucks, doesn't it?
VEGETA: Look, it doesn't matter how strong you get, kid.
Besides Freeza, I'm the strongest thing on this planet!
Bar none.
GURU: Heeey! Just thought I would inform you all:
I detect several high power levels coming towaaards the planet...
VEGETA: What? Several high power levels?
GURU: ...there are five of them in total...
VEGETA: Five of them?!
GURU: ...and they're all increeedibly flamboyant!
VEGETA: Oh God! It's them!
[♫ "Sanjō!! Ginyū Tokusentai!!" ♫] KRILLIN: What are you talking about?
VEGETA: We're doomed. Don't you understand? We're all going to die here!
KRILLIN: Who? Who is it?
VEGETA: It's--
{BOOM} [Music cuts-off]
the Ginyu Force (!)
GINYU FORCE: We're heeere!
JEICE: Mates!
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
GOKU: Whew! Alrighty! Time for a post-workout drink!
Nah! It's too early to get crunk.
Nah! Energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.
I can't drink these! These are *nuts*!
Ooh, what's *this*? It looks delicious, and it's high in calcium!
♪ Doo doo doo doo doo, Team Four Star Soda! ♪