- Dearly beloved.
We are gathered here today to join Joe
and Marie in the union of marriage.
- Joe, from the moment we met at that tailgate,
- Oh no, oh no, oh no.
- I knew that we were gonna be together forever.
You are the air that I breathe
and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
- Right on.
(ticking sounds)
(off screen coughing)
- It's your turn.
- Oh, right, yeah, yeah.
Look, Marie, the last five years have been really fire.
I for sure, dig spending time with you.
And I definitely wanna keep doing that
for the foreseeable future.
That said, I also feel like
we don't necessarily need to put a label
on it. - Stop.
We've heard enough.
- This is my wedding.
- No, it's my web series.
And today we'll be talking about
the radical concept of commitment.
For example, now that I've tried out
this prosthetic breast plate,
I decided to finally get my tits done.
(bouncing sound)
Look at them go.
My name is Mary Beth Barone
and the current dating climate
makes me wanna rip my eyes, ears and tongue out.
So I created Drag His Ass.
A rehabilitation program
where I work with fuck boys
to rid them of the toxic habits.
It's like a root canal, but it's not covered by insurance.
Let's get to work .
A name named Michael reached out to me directly,
annoying please go through my agents,
about his friend Yaya.
- Yaya's always on dating apps.
- Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.
- Like he's a complete fuck boy.
When it comes to commitment, he's just like,
"It's not gonna happen."
I love him dearly.
He just needs a little professional help.
- He's been known to lead on three to five people
in a single month with no intention of taking it further.
Michael, why don't you tell me a little bit about
why you reached out to me.
- He has a very big heart.
I would definitely give him that.
He's a great person to be around.
A full burst of energy.
He'd just, he's been single for seven years.
- Okay.
- It's BS.
- It's BS?
- It's bullshit.
- See, immediately walls are going up.
- I'm really picky.
I've been by myself for seven years so it's just like,
why be annoyed with somebody else
when I could just like be at peace?
- Why don't we talk about Miami?
(drum rolls)
- Literally I met somebody
two weeks before I was coming back to New York.
Everything was cool.
But then I kind of felt like
I was getting a little attached.
I kind of felt like
I'm definitely not doing a long distance.
Like I'm not gonna stay here and like catch feelings
and you know, get involved in all this
when I'm going back home.
- When you came back to New York, what did you do?
- Oh no, I just blocked him.
Completely stopped, like reaching out or anything.
Like, and then I run into him.
- What happened when you ran into him?
- It's like, I saw a ghost.
(Yaya chuckle)
I was like speechless. - You were the ghost.
- Oh yeah.
(men laughing)
- Just imagine how he felt.
- I don't wanna hurt people's feelings
but I just don't know how to like
I guess be honest with them.
Like, I don't think this is going anywhere.
- Sounds like you did think it was going somewhere
and that's why you ghosted.
So to me it seems like if it's going somewhere,
you're ghosting.
If it's not going somewhere,
you're ghosting.
- Yeah.
- Where does that leave Yaya?
- By himself.
- I think he wants to change.
- What is a perfect relationship,
well near perfect relationship look like to you?
- Great communication.
- Okay, huge one that you're not capable of doing.
- Oh.
- So let's move on.
- What's the next thing?
- Honesty, just like, I honestly want like a friend
like a best friend.
Then like it evolves into something else.
I feel like when you have like the title of relationship,
it just puts a lot of pressure.
- Are there any friends you have right now
who you could see yourself
potentially growing into a relationship with?
- Oh, absolutely not.
I don't know.
My friends are my friends.
- Well that's okay too
because not sleeping with your friends is usually better.
- We all have but.
- We all have.
Yaya have you ever been in love?
- I have.
- How was that for you?
- It's a great feeling.
But I was the one that was in love more with the person
that they weren't with me
which is why I have issues.
- Well, it doesn't seem like you fear commitment.
I'm just looking at your tattoos
and you've committed to a lot of those.
Are there any tattoos you've gotten
that you say,mmh, maybe we could have done without that one?
- It's a naked man on my back with a ski mask
and it has three ice cubes coming out of his (beep)
(all laughing)
- I don't see anything wrong with that.
- That makes me feel better.
(men laughing)
- Can we see the tattoo?
Be vulnerable.
It's subtle in a way.
- I hate it.
- I don't think you should cover it up.
No ones perfect Yaya.
Like you trusted the tattoo artist-
- Yes.
- Now it's time to trust someone with your heart.
- Okay.
- Your lip quivered.
- Yeah.
It tends to do that when I get like, you know nervous.
- You could shit an ice cube, so scary.
- I know.
(men laughing)
(upbeat music)
- For the segment we wanted to bring on a psychologist
who could hit us with some hard facts about commitment
but we couldn't get one.
So we decided to bring on a celebrity
and we couldn't get any of those either
so we got the next best thing.
Of course, a gay man who tweets about them.
Twitter emeritas, Evan Ross Katz.
- Thank you, I think it's important that you have me.
- Would you say that celebrities are to blame
for this rampant commitment phobia we face as a society?
- I think it's important
to always blame celebrities for things.
I think it's just easy so we should do it.
- (indistinct)crime
in some ways. - Exactly, yes.
- They'll never hear about it.
They're rich, they're fine, they're in the castles.
- Because of social media and the cameras everywhere.
Constantly cameras all day.
I'm taking pictures of myself
A lot of people think that
they're the star of their own reality show.
- Exactly, so then you have people, you know
regular folks out at restaurants flipping tables
and like it only works on a house wife.
It's not exactly the same when practiced IRA.
- I completely agree.
- Have you ever flipped a table before?
- I never have, but I'm looking forward to the opportunity.
Who are the worst influences on fuckboys?
- I mean the easy answer that comes to mind is
Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like he kind of is the blueprint
for when you say fuck boy.
You say Leonardo DiCaprio and the image that comes to mind
for me is him on a beach with a bunch of women
and not him from the movie.
- What I think we need to do
is take
stock of
who we are emulating.
- Yeah.
- And what I'd like to do is
show you some celebrities
and I want you to speak broadly
about why they're still single.
- It's like, look at that photo right now it's piercing me.
And it's just like too self serious.
Hot,
log out.
(Mary chuckling)
- Now this picture I didn't approve
because I would never do her like this but-
- Cool girl, can't settle down.
Been cheated on.
- [Mary] I wanna go out on a line and say
she was also wronged by America.
- That is one take.
(soft music)
Just wants to make more records.
- And every time she gets engaged
then she pops out a record.
- We're happy for her.
- Now we're gonna look at a special case
because this was someone who really made a name for himself
as not settling down and then he said,
"I'm gonna go with this human rights lawyer."
- I feel like he gives a lot of people hope
for the idea that a man like that can be tamed.
- Now I'm gonna show you someone
and you won't know this person.
When I see a guy in a beanie my first thought is
what's he hiding?
- Yeah, and it seems like
there's a lot hidden under there
despite a lot spilling out.
- And that's really interesting
you can gather that from just a photo
because that is exactly how I would describe Yaya.
There's a lot underneath, there's a lot spelling out.
- And you know when I see a ring light
it tells me that this person has given too much thought.
I see a narcissist.
Sorry.
- Don't apologize to me.
He is sweet.
That's what we wanna show more of.
- Turn off the ring light,
open up let people get to know you.
- Yaya confided in us about a tattoo he regrets
of a naked man in a ski mask
and he has three ice cubes protruding out of his ass hole.
This is a tattoo he is scared for people to see
because he thinks that maybe they won't accept him.
- I think tattoo removal is an option
that he should explore.
- We're trying to get him to be okay with his imperfections.
- Got it.
No, that's important, that's important.
(all laughing)
- But thank you for your candor.
- I think if you love the person
you see past that.
- And I just wanna say that athough his back tattoo is big,
his heart is bigger.
And I'm looking forward to putting that at the forefront.
Yaya welcome to my comfort comfort chamber.
- Thank you for having me.
- No one can hurt you here.
- Oh, I hope not.
- What we're gonna do today
is prepare you for real life situations
where you have to open up and be vulnerable with someone.
Share things about yourself
in order to create deeper and more meaningful connections.
- Okay.
- Bring in the kittens.
- Kittens?
- These kittens, which are generously on loan to us
from the ASPCA
are the perfect little creatures for you to open up to.
These kittens and other pets are available
for adoption at shelters across the country.
I will be asking you a series of questions aggressively
and we would like you to direct your answers
to the kitten who will call Meredith.
What are your career aspirations?
- Well I would like to be an anchor for
entertainment news. - Do you have siblings?
- I have three sisters.
- Who's your favorite?
- Wow.
- When did you lose your virginity.
- With a girl or a boy?
- Boy.
- 17.
(cat meows)
- Meredith, don't be judgy.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
- I have. - Tell me
about it.
- When my partner cheated broke my little heart
and now I'm here.
- Are you saying commitment phobia is contagious?
- Yeah.
- Sounds like an excuse.
- No and the cat agrees.
- Don't project your feelings onto Meredith.
Describe your mom in three words.
- Loving,
tough,
emotional.
- I think the cat.
- Likes me.
- Likes you. - Yeah.
- [Mary] If this cat texted you hi
would you block him on all your social media?
- Yes.
- You would block the cat?
And why is that?
- It's getting too attached already.
- Texting you hi?
- Meow.
- Texting you meow?
- Do you see this?
This is what I deal with.
Everybody latches onto me like immediately.
- Let someone in.
- Okay.
- Yaya, eventually,
you're gonna let yourself fall for someone
and you're gonna need to be able to communicate with them
how you feel.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna practice with you some key phrases
you're gonna say to Meredith.
So repeat after me.
I would like to be in a relationship with you.
- I would like to be in a relationship with you.
- Say I fancy you, just in case it's a British person.
- I fancy you.
- Say, I wanna know everything about you.
- I want to know everything about you.
- I love you.
(cat meows)
(Mary gasps)
- We've done a lot of great work here today.
Before we let you back out into the world
we're gonna have to have you commit to change your ways
via a binding agreement.
Please place your right hand on Meredith respectfully.
Repeat after me.
I Yaya.
- I Yaya.
- Will stop plowing my way
through the gay singles of New York.
- Plowing my way through the gay singles in New York.
- I will stop ghosting people.
- I will stop relying on my adorable hair.
- I will stop relying on my adorable hair
to endear me to people that I will eventually wrong.
- I will stop letting the fear of getting hurt-
- Hold me back from true happiness.
- Amen.
(upbeat music)
- This is your first test of commitment
this cat belongs to you now.
I forged your signature on the adoption papers.
- Wait you what?
- All right, I have a 10:00 AM.
Five-year-old was attachment issue so good luck.
We reached out to Yaya
to find out his current relationship status.
This is what he sent back.
(Mary groaning)
(cat meows)