♪ Intro Music ♪
Hello everyone ...
Based on last week's episode,
I've been flooded with questions
about why it is that successful people and unsuccessful people
continue to find each other.
This is the quintessential match.
The match between
the 'Successful Catch' and the 'Absolute Loser'.
*giggles*
One could argue that success and lack of success
is just a matter of perspective,
but if we took on that particular perspective,
we would have nothing to talk about.
So, for the sake of this particular video,
Let's assume 'success' means someone
whose actions and choices
demonstrates a passion about their progression
and, as a result, they have become financially successful,
and have attained both personal and career achievements.
Let's assume that 'unsuccessful' means someone
whose actions and choices
demonstrates apathy about their progression
and, as a result, they have become financially unsuccessful,
and have atrophied on a personal and career level.
So what is it that makes Successful and Unsuccessful People
such a brilliant match for each other?
The answer is 'Super-low Self Worth'.
'Successfuls' are Achievers.
If you are an Achiever,
you're an achiever because you were expected to achieve.
Achievers were raised in circumstances
where they were only praised
for what they did.
They were only praised for success.
As a result, they feel as if they have to
earn the praise they get, and thus earn, Love.
Successful people only got praised
when they were impressing someone.
The rest of the time,
they were either ignored
or were treated like a burden.
Your parents, if you're an Achiever,
often saw you as the difficult, strong-willed child,
and instead of treating you like you were cherished,
your parents treated you like you were something to put up with.
You go on to try and earn
love from your parents and then, from society
by achieving.
You try to accomplish in the hopes
that the accomplishment will make you
worthy of love.
You have a very poor sense of self-worth
and deep down,
you do not believe that you deserve
the love that you want.
You believe that Love is a transaction.
And so, subconsciously, you believe
that if you are not offering enough,
through the way you look,
or the things you do for someone,
or the social status you give them,
or the money you make,
there is no incentive on the other end, to stay.
By securing a partner that has a lot to gain
by being in a relationship,
you can guarantee that you will not be abandoned.
Subconsciously, you believe that if a person
was as successful as you were, or even more successful,
there would be no incentive for them to stay
and be an all-in partner.
Also, if you were to be with a
responsible, successful, attractive partner,
you feel that you would suddenly be demoted
and look bad in comparison.
Being with them
would make you more aware of your shortcomings.
And your self-worth would sink even lower.
To begin with,
when you first get into a relationship,
you feel secure
because you feel as if you can trust
the commitment of your 'lesser' partner.
But after time,
this relationship begins to sour.
It starts to sour
because it puts all of the pressure
on you.
Instead of feeling valued and supported,
you begin to feel like you have caught a parasite.
The apathy of your 'lesser' partner
had saddled you with all the responsibility.
And all it takes
for you to lose interest in this person completely
is for them to settle into the relationship.
When they settle,
and no longer put effort into themselves or you,
you start to feel taken for granted.
As for the 'Unscuccessfuls',
unsuccessfuls are self-sabotagers.
They're self-sabotagers because *they* were sabotaged.
More often than not,
if you are an 'Unsuccessful',
you had parents who only gave you love
when you were meeting their needs and wants.
You were discouraged from finding your own success.
Secretly you resent that your life has to
revolve around other people
and what they want and what they need,
but you don't know any other way to live,
and you don't know any other way to get love.
You have been discouraged so much,
and disappointed so much,
that you figure 'Why try?'.
Deep down,
you don't believe that you have
what it takes to succeed,
and subconsciously,
you'd rather not try.
You'd rather say that you *could* have succeeded
than try to succeed and fail
and instead, thus find out
that you are really incapable,
and actually are, a complete Loser.
Your life is a self-fulfilling prophecy,
where your apathy
is accomplishing the very thing
you are trying to avoid
by not trying.
To you,
Love is a transaction.
Subconsciously,
you believe that if you are not living your life for someone,
you do not serve a purpose to them,
and so, there is no incentive for them to stay with you.
By securing a partner who needs you to cater them,
you can guarantee that you will not be abandoned.
Subconsciously,
you believe that if a person did not need you to support them,
and their success, for any reason,
there would be no incentive for them to stay with you.
To begin with,
when you first get into a relationship,
you feel secure in that relationship
because you feel as if you can trust the fact
that you fulfill a role
and serve a purpose for your 'greater' partner.
You also tend to 'sell' yourself,
as different than you actually are.
You talk a Big Game
about the things that you want to accomplish,
about your ambitions.
But pretty soon,
things start to go south.
When your partner recognizes
that your 'walk' doesn't match your 'talk',
they start to get angry.
They start to criticize you.
And this decreases your self-confidence.
Suddenly,
you feel as if, you actually are ... a parasite.
Deep down you feel guilty.
Deep down you feel bad about yourself.
And all that needs to happen
is for your partner to begin criticizing you
for you to feel as if you're begin taken for granted
and taken advantage of.
If you are a 'Successful' who continues to date
what we would call in society 'Losers',
you need to ask yourself this question:
"What bad thing would happen,
if I were to date someone who is
responsible, successful, and attractive?"
You will find,
that the 'Successful' often feels
that if they were to find a match good for themselves,
one that was equal or greater to themselves,
that there would be absolutely no incentive
for that particular person to stay with them.
'Successfuls' feel as if they are inherently unlovable
for a great many reasons.
Because of this,
it's important for you to ask yourself:
"What is it about me
that is so inherently unacceptable,
that a successful, responsible, attractive person,
wouldn't put up with it?"
You might find
that the very things you think make you unacceptable
are the very things your parents thought
made you unacceptable,
when you were a child.
For example:
If a mother tells her daughter:
"If it weren't for your good-looks
no one would put up with your moods",
she is bound to think a 'good catch'
won't put up with her moodiness
and would therefore leave her,
or not enter into the relationship
in the first place because of it.
If you are an 'Unsuccessful'
who continues to date super-successful people
that make you feel 'lesser',
it's really important to ask yourself this question:
"What bad thing would happen
if I were to become
responsible, successful and attractive?"
You will find that 'Unsuccessfuls' feel
that if they were to become successful,
then other people would have no incentive
for them to be inside their lives.
Unsuccessful people feel this way
for a great many reasons.
That's why, if you're an 'Unsuccessful',
it's super-important to ask yourself this question:
"If I were successful, responsible and attractive,
why would people not want to be with me?"
You can see right here why the 'Successfuls'
and the 'Unsuccessfuls' are
such a perfect match.
A Match-made-in-Heaven in fact.
It's because the difference between them
is only skin-deep.
If you look deeper, you find
that they mirror each other exactly.
They have the exact same Vibration
relative to their view of themselves.
In a Universe bound for expansion,
they perfectly mirror
the Unhealed and Shadow Aspects of each other.
So that they can become aware
of what needs to be integrated.
Self-approval is a must for both parties.
The best exercise for this
is done when you wake up.
What I want you to do
is to be brutally honest
about what you can't stand about yourself.
Physical features ...
emotional features ...
personality quirks.
And every morning,
I want you to pick
one thing from that list
and find approval for it.
The more you can write down on this list,
the better.
It's especially helpful
when these things
come from the list of answers
that you gave
to the previous questions
that were asked in this episode.
Feel free if you don't think that you
can think outside-the-box enough,
to elicit the help of other people
to do it with you.
For example:
Let's say that I've already decided
at some level,
in my core,
if I'm being brutally honest,
that I'm Dark.
And I don't like that about myself.
Your list might read something like this:
- "I have courage"
- "I'm not afraid of the Dark Side"
- "I fear less in life because I'm familiar with Darkness"
- "You must have the darkness of Night ...
to see the light of the stars"
- "I have a better idea about what Happiness is,
because of the Contrast"
- "I break people out of their monotony
and captivate their attention"
- "I'm not surfacey, I'm deep"
- "I can accompny people through
their most diffcult and real issues"
- "I don't have fear about delving
into other people's psyches"
- "Black is Source Energy - it gave birth to the Light"
- "Alchemy: I transform the Dark into Light"
- "Dark is the most Transformative energy"
- "All Frequencies are contained within Dark"
- "I am always peering into the Shadow of Life,
this means - I live a more *real* life than most"
- "If I am Dark, and I live in the Dark,
I have the least Resistance to the Dark,
and so, I'm Light!"
*laughs*
The more you can think of the better.
The point is
I want you to put anything on this list,
(as long a list as you can think of)
that *genuinely* makes you feel better
about whatever trait
you disapprove of
within yourself.
Aside from the lack of self-worth
that is inherent on both sides,
the major issue
when it comes to 'Successfuls' and 'Unsuccessfuls'
is that they feel like Love is a 'transaction'.
A business deal.
Something must be gained,
on both sides.
They don't understand that Love can be given freely,
regardless of whether you get something back or not.
They do not see Love as something
that can be given without incentive.
What these people seek in Love
is not love,
it is, in fact, 'mutualism'.
Mutualism is not Love.
But providing something beneficial for someone
can be a good excuse for them to focus positively towards you.
That's just the problem - it's conditional!
This 'mutualism' is inherently painful
because it makes Unconditional Love impossible.
The second you receive Love for something you do,
you acknowledge subsconsciouly
that you are are Unlovable for your Being.
Love is a unilateral experience.
It is the state of Unconditional Presence.
It is the state of Positive Focus towards something
and that Positive Focus
unites one with their Eternal Self,
and also with the person they focus positively towards.
That Positive Focus does not have to be dependent
upon what the other person
does, or does not, do.
It is possible to focus positively towards,
and have positive feelings for,
an autistic child
who, is in fact, throwing a fit.
Positive Focus is always about the Giver,
not the Receiver.
We did not get Unconditional Presence and Positive Focus
from our parents when we were young
unless we were *doing* something
to achieve,
or attain,
or earn, that Positive Focus.
We, now, do not know how to unconditionally love someone
anymore than our parents knew
how to unconditionally love someone
and I promise you,
they didn't.
'Love' is the word we use
when what we really mean
is Mutualism.
And there is nothing inherently wrong with Mutualism.
After all, it inspires Unity, and supports Oneness.
But Love and Mutualism are two different parts
of a Partnership.
Two different ingredients
to a good relationship.
And if our love
is *based* on
and *dependent* on
'mutualism'
then you can be sure
that the relationship
will never be secure
and never be enjoyable.
Because, Love becomes dependent
upon you having something good to offer,
and upon you keeping up
your end of the bargain.
Have a good week ...
♪ Outtro Music ♪
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