- Hi, Bobbies.
- Oh, God, (laughs)
Hello, lovely people.
For some reason, Claudia has decided
that you should be called Bobbies.
- Oh, it's 'cause we call each other Bobby
and then we call Rupert Bob sometimes
and sometimes I call the dogs, sometimes, you know what?
We just call each other Bobby in our family.
I was like, we should call up extended family Bobbies.
- And I said, we can't do that
because we actually know people whose surname is Bobby.
So wouldn't it be a bit odd
if we just decided to co-opt their surname?
- I guess so.
- So Stevie and Josie Bobby, we're now like,(chuckling)
"Oh, sorry guys, we stole your surname."
- All right, we'll just stick to lovely people.
- This video, we're going to be talking
all about what not to say to lesbian parents
because that's what we are now.
(Rupert whines) - Oh, he's woken up.
- Oh, that didn't last long.
- Well, no, 'cause he's been asleep for 40 minutes.
- Yes he has. (laughs)
That's how long it took us to get ready for this video.
- No, it didn't, I've been ready the whole time.
- You were just eating a sandwich.
And we're back.
- Sorry-- - He's a delight.
- Sorry about Walter. Just--
- Dogs are still walking around,
- tip tappling around. (Jessica murmurs)
- So, ask away. - Okay, so.
So what we've done is collecting the statements
and questions
thanks to Evelina and Clara who you can follow on Instagram
by the way, @evelinaandclara,
who are about to become lesbian parents.
- Yay. - Yay, go them.
Who are some of our bestest pals.
- Damn, Walter wants to come up. (laughs)
That was all the--
- Oh, gosh, Walter, you smell. - I know, he kind of smells.
- Oh, I'm so pleased he's really close to us now.
So we're going to pull out statements, react to them
and say perhaps what would have been better to be said.
- Okay.
- Okay, let's find out.
- Do you know who the father is?
Are they tall?
That's two things.
- We get asked this a lot (chuckling).
- Yeah.
- Yeah. - Rupert is really long.
We say long 'cause he can't stand yet
so he's not really tall. - (laughs) He's not tall.
- He's long when he's laid out.
He's like in his six to nine month clothing.
I mean, he was when he was four months old.
He's now five and a bit months.
- Yeah. - He's massive.
We met one of our friend,
who has a nine-and-a-half-month old
and Rupert was bigger than her.
- Yeah.
I think the issue is here
that they've asked about the father.
- Yes.
Oh yeah, I was getting stuck on the tall thing.
(both laughing) First of all, father,
we always immediately correct with donor.
- I have been to family members
Who've done it 10 times in the same conversation.
- And do you know much about the father?
- [Both] donor
- And they're like, what? You got that right, donor.
- So you don't know the father. Donor
- Yeah
We say donor, not father,
father implies some kind of like relation involvement
in some way or like it implies a relationship.
I think the father knows who Rupert is
or knows of his existence.
- Stick with donor first, and don't ask after.
- I don't see him with genes that are attributed to men.
Stereotypically are therefore only from that side.
- If Rupert is tall, its because of Claudia,
she will take full responsibility. Who is the real mum?
- I think it would be nice. That would be nice.
Like I know we went to a Chinese restaurant, didn't we for
Din sum
and they just kept going, ah
your baby is our baby. Oh your baby.
- Your baby - Our baby
Oh your baby, your baby.
- Your baby is your baby.
- We just like, we're married.
It's our baby. And they were like, yeah,
but your baby doesn't like, doesn't matter (mumbles).
- Oh they could not work out. Which of us had given birth
to this baby.
( Claudia murmurs)
- Oh its biologically related (murmurs)
- I liked it.
It wasn't like obvious.
- It was just like, let it go.
I just thought,
why do people need this info. What can they do with it?
You can take it home. Discuss it with your friends.
- If you really wanted to ask, you know,
it's a little bit nosy. You could say who gave birth,
but I still don't ask.
- I still don't ask either.
- Hey, but it's better than who's the real mom.
What's that implying?
(Jessica breathes heavily)
- Yeah (mumbles)
- It's just not.
- People are asking more about the donor than how
the non-caring mom is feeling.
- Yeah
that's true.
People do ask more about genes when they do about like, Hey,
how, how are you doing?
- Yeah.
They asked the pregnant person and then they ask about
the donor.
- No one asks about--
- And then even when you answer with like, oh,
we chose characteristics that are similar to Jessica.
Let's go.
Does it have any brothers or sisters? Was like, what?
Where are from?
- Look, we just tried characteristics similar to Jessica.
They need not to know any more than that.
- Yeah. Yeah.
How did that happen?
See now,
this is someone who is either incredibly awkward
and trying to just play it off with humor
or someone who just genuinely
has never come across a same-sex couple before.
And just really confused.
- Again. It's why do people need to know
(mumbling) (lauhter)
Where did that happen?
When and where?
- Exactly.
In which, which, which location?
- Yes. Well I was doing-- - On the map
- Missionary in the car
Yes. When our car was quite longer, actually.
It was possible. You will feel like,
because you've had to go through fertility services,
they can ask you these things,
Like what clinic did you go to? Who was the donor?
Who was your doctor?
Do you have a female doctor or male doctor?
How many times did they like look in your, like, you know.
- How many times did you try? You know it's really strange.
I expect this question to come from LGBT couples because I'm
like, you know, maybe they want to,
to try and then want more information about it.
So obviously they're going to ask other couples who've been
successful and would like that kind of info and just kind of
gathering stories.
However,
those are the people who are so respectful and we'll kind of
wait five conversations before they'd bring up the topic of,
so was it, was it?
Are you why or I fear.
Whereas often it seems to be it's it's more the,
the people who are a little more.
- Well, I think it's (mumbling)
You've chosen as alternative lifestyle.
So clearly you want to talk about
all the alternative things you have to do
- To Strangers in the park?
Tell me everything about your uterus.
And you're like, hello.
He woke up, we're back it's much later.
- He's now playing on the floor.
So if you hear rattling noises, that's what is.
- Before we jump right in, back into it though,
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Now back to the awkwardness.
Do you think your child is missing out with no dad?
- I mean, if that was like tumbled noise...
(laughter) (mumbling)
But I'm mostly trying to think of (Rupert whines)
what you said that they're missing out on...
Like what is it that their father brings?
- What does the father provide specifically?
- Yeah, that's what I mean, woman cannot--
- Cannot be provided for.
- Yeah. They would be (murmurs) missing out John?
- He has men in his life though
(Rupert whining)
- All right.
- And he's just vehement in disagreeing.
- Adopt his rattle.
- No.
I really don't think our son is missing out on
anything in life by not having a father.
He has two very loving parents who are going to provide him
with all of the love.
- We meant to like, be sort of saying like,
what's the better way to say this statement
or is it more just like--
- I think it's a blanket statement.
(laughter and chatter)
No way, good way to phrase it
because there's no nothing good behind it.
Is that IVF sounds hard.
Couldn't you just adopt?
- I think adoption's not like easy.
- It's also not right to have the blanket statement
that all same-sex couples should adopt
when that's not held as the case for heterosexual couples.
- Yes. That's true.
- Every family has their own journey to come into being
and that's perfectly fine.
- If it has recently decided that he wants to sit up more,
(Rupert whining)
but he's not quite able to do it
without a little bit of support. (giggles)
- Aren't you worried your child might be gay?
(laughter)
- No. - No
- They think like, because we gay
our child is going to grow gay.
- Well, who knows? - Unless, why are we gay.
We both from heterosexual parents.
- Yeah, here we are. But awesome.
So what, even if my child was gay,
why would that be a big deal? Clearly,
that is not something we're worried about.
(giggles at Rupert)
Because whoever you turn out to be, we will love you.
And that's the end of this video.
Things not to say to lesbian mom.
Kind of got derailed bear at the end.
We got this day (mumbling to Rupert)
Yes we did.
Thank you so much for watching
and we will see you in our next video.
If you like more of from us,
you can follow us on Instagram @JesseandClaud.
And find out more about KiwiCo down in the link
in the description below
- Bye (both waving)
(Soft Latin music)