[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo! Wake up! You have to stop him!
PICCOLO: (Incoherent mumbling)
KRILLIN: Don’t worry, Gohan! Goku's never let us down!
I’m sure he’ll be here any second!
GOKU: (Chomping)
GOKU: [mouth full] Mmmph... thanks for the food again, Princess Snake!
GOKU: (Chomping) PRINCESS SNAKE: Well, it’s the least I could do for trying to eat you like that.
GOKU: ... PRINCESS SNAKE: But I thought there was... something else you had to do?
GOKU: Mmm, bacon. (Chomping) PRINCESS SNAKE: But I thought there was... something else you had to do?
PRINCESS SNAKE: Something about Saiyans...?
And the Earth?
{GULP}
GOKU: Crap crap CRAP CRAP!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, get up!
Please get up!
Seriously, he’s gonna kill us!
NAPPA: Well, the green guy’s out. Too bad.
Guess I’ll have to find someone ELSE to play with!
KRILLIN: 'Please not me'
KRILLIN: 'Please not me please not me'
KRILLIN: 'Please not me please not me' 'please not me'
KRILLIN: 'Please not me please not me' 'please not me please not me'
KRILLIN: 'Please not me please not me 'please not me please not me' 'PLEASE NOT ME!'
NAPPA: Eenie meenie minie
you!
GOHAN: Wh-what--?
Augh!
Uuh-huuh!
KRILLIN: WHOO! Not me!
...Gohan?
Oh! Thought that would have lasted longer!
NAPPA: Midget’s next! RHAAAA!
KRILLIN: Wait! My-turn-my-turn-MY-TURN!
NAPPA: Oh!
VEGETA: Wha-- ...Nappa, what are you doing?
NAPPA: It’s his turn, Vegeta; I have to wait for him.
VEGETA: Uh, owwwwwhhhhh, uh, ohhh…
NAPPA: You okay, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Yes, just... just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity...
NAPPA: Wow!
Didn’t think you were that stupid, Vegeta.
VEGETA: WAAAAUUUUUGH!!
Nine minutes, eighteen seconds. Nine minutes, eighteen seconds…
NAPPA: What’s that, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Happiest... moment... of... my life...!
KRILLIN: Hey! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A JOKE, DAMMIT!
I’ve got a new technique!
Which I probably could have used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends’ lives...
but that’s besides the point!
Get ready for my...
DESTRUCTO DISK!
PICCOLO: [groaning] Laaaaaaame…
KRILLIN: Now… take THIS!
NAPPA: Oooooooh! A frisbee, Vegeta!
VEGETA: Nappa! No! It’s a trick!
NAPPA: But Vegeta…
Trix are for kiiids~
VEGETA …You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it.
Catch it with your teeth.
NAPPA: Yaaay! Like a doggie!
Ow ow OWHOWH!
RICOLA GUY: Riiicolaa--
ohhh GODDAMMIT!!
NAPPA: AAH, NO, MY FACE! My precious modeling career!
[Shutter snaps] ♪♪
♪♪
You know, I was trying to be a team player.
Trying to be a nice guy!
KRILLIN: You killed half our friends!
NAPPA: I said, *trying*!
KRILLIN: Well you’re failing--oh God!
{DING}
NAPPA: And so are you!
PICCOLO: I’m back!
NAPPA: AAAAAAAHHH!
I-see-what-you-did-there!
PICCOLO: Now - it’s you and me, big guy!
And I’m gonna kick your a--!
GOHAN: YAH! NAPPA: AHH--! PICCOLO: Whoa!
GOHAN: Take that, you insufferable f***ing simpleton!
PICCOLO: WHOA, Gohan! What the hell?!
GOHAN: Oh!
Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Piccolo. I didn’t mean to snap like that!
PICCOLO: No; stay snapped! STAY SNAPPED!
Ahhhhh... Goddammit(!)
NAPPA: Hrrrrrgh you-a-make-a-me-so-mad!
(Growling)
GOHAN: (Whimpering)
NAPPA: Vegeta, look. I’ma firing my
BLARRRGH!
GOHAN: (More whimpering)
PICCOLO: 'Alright...'
'It’s time to redeem myself, through one final act of redemption.'
'I’ll save Gohan, and--'
'Wait a second... Why didn’t I just grab him?'
'I can probably still do that now, actually!'
'Yeah, that's it. I’ll grab him, and throw him out of the way--!'
GAAAAAAAAAA!!
KRILLIN: WAAHAA!
PICCOLO: Yeah...
That's right...
I can take anything you can dish o--
'Oh God, there go my organs...'
[Hard thud]
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Ghh...
Gohan... come closer...
There’s... something... I have to tell you...
GOHAN: Is-is it that you always pictured me as a son,
because you can never make your own, considering you
lack the reproductive organs to produce your own legitimate offspring--?
PICCOLO: Nnnerrrrrrrrrrd…
GOHAN: Wh... what?
PICCOLO: Just... shut up and... listen...
GOHAN: What is it, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO: Why... didn't... you...
DOOOOOOOOODGE?!?!
Bleh
GOHAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
[Scream fades into echoes]
KAMI: Eehh-oghh!
Well, Mr. Popo... it seems my time has come.
But don’t worry, my friend...
...you will go to Namek and wish myself and the others back with their Dragon Balls.
It will be a long and arduous journey... but I’m sure you can--
MR. POPO: Bitch, I ain't goin' nowhere.
KAMI: But Mr. Popo! The fate of the entire universe is--
MR. POPO: Pecking order!
KAMI: But, I...
Well then... [fading out] goodbye, my friend!
MR. POPO: Byyyyyee~!
[Wind howling]
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you see me kill the green guy?
VEGETA: Yes, Nappa; that was a very good kick.
NAPPA: D'aww, Vegeta! You weren’t watching!
Can you at least watch me kill the toddler?
VEGETA: Ughh, fine...
GOHAN: NNNAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!
*I’m gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract*
*as a condom while I fornicate with your skull*!
NAPPA: ...What?
GOHAN: I'M GONNA SKULLF*** YOU!!
MASENKO...
MASENKO...HAAAAA!
MASENKO...HAAAAA! NAPPA: YAARGH!
Aaagh, bitch, please!
GOHAN: I'm... (Pant) sorry... Mr. Piccolo...
I... (Pant) I failed you.
KRILLIN: You sure did!
I, uh, I mean...
sorry for your loss.
NAAPA: Well, it’s been fun, kid. I mean, for me; not for you.
As for you, everyone important to you is dead.
KRILLIN: Hey, I'm still alive--!
NAPPA: Everyone important.
KRILLIN: ...Dammit.
NAPPA: Now... NAPPA SMASH!
GOHAN: Uhhh...!
KRILLIN: Gahh...!
NAPPA: ARRRGH!
[Impact]
Oo wa wa?
Hey, where'd he go!?
Did he disappear?
Or was he never there to begin with?
[Dramatic music]
Oh, wait, there he is.
Oh, wait, there he is. GOHAN: (Gasp) Huh?
GOHAN: (Gasp) Huh?
♪♪
GOKU: Hey, guys! What'd I miss?
I, oh...
Are they all...
Tenshinhan...
Piccolo?
Yamcha? Oh wow, especially Yamcha.
Wait, where’s Chiaotzu?
KRILLIN: Oh, he’s here...
and there...
a-- GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
GOHAN: Too soon!
GOKU: I'm sorry I'm late, you guys.
But I brought some Senzu beans for ya!
KRILLIN: Woohoo! Legume ex machina!
GOKU: Hey! Which one of you did all this?
NAPPA: That was me! Totally calling it! I killed every single one of them!
'Cept the Chiaotzu; he blew *himself* up!
GOKU: (Grunting)
HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Ughh!
[Rocks crumbling] [Wind blows]
NAPPA: Vegeta! What does the Scouter say about his power level?
VEGETA: It's...!
[calmly] One thousand and six.
NAPPA: Wha-- really?
VEGETA: Yeah! Kick his ass, Nappa!
[Scouter beeps]
NAPPA: YAAAYYY!
HaaaAAAA--
HaaaAAAA--D'OUH!
HaaaAAAA--D'OUH! OWF!
HaaaAAAA--D'OUH! OWF! AH!
HaaaAAAA--D'OUH! OWF! AH! ARGH!
HaaaAAAA--D'OUH! OWF! AH! ARGH! OW!
[Sounds of beating and pain]
D'ah!
D'ah! D'oh!
D'ah! D'oh! D'ah!
D'ah! D'oh! D'ah! D'oh!
D'ah! D'oh! D'ah! D'oh! D'oh!
D'ah! D'oh! D'ah! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
D'ah! D'oh! D'ah! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
NAPPA: Ah, that doesn’t bend that way. [Beeping] VEGETA: Hmmm...
My arm doesn’t bend that way! [Beeping] that doesn’t seem right.
{THWACK} AH, NOW IT DOES!! [Beeping] Wait, wait wait wait!
Nappa!
NAPPA: Augh-ha! Whaaaaaat??
VEGETA: I had the Scouter upside-down.
It’s over nine thousand.
Rah.
NAPPA: Why do you sound so bored??
VEGETA: Because it’s still not a threat...
NAPPA: But-- VEGETA: ...to me!
Besides, once we get the Dragon Balls we’ll just wish for immortality!
Then no one will be able to stop us!
GOKU: Wait, what? But, you killed Piccolo.
VEGETA: And your point is...?
GOKU: Well, if he’s dead, the Dragon Balls don’t work.
VEGETA: Wh-- ...What?!
NAPPA: Ohhh, and I totally killed that guy.
Oh well; at least we still had fun getting here; right, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Hurrgh... NAPPA: Vegeta?
VEGETA: Hurrgh... *urrrgh*... NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet?
VEGETA: Hurrgh... *urrrgh*... NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta?
VEGETA: Hurrgh... *urrrgh*... *hurrrgh*...! NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta?
VEGETA: Hurrgh... *urrrgh*... *hurrrgh*...! NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
NAPPA: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege--?
AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]