This is what I bought.
It's a Rover SD1, styled to look like a Ferrari Daytona... and it does.
This particular model has the 3.5 litre V8 engine
and inside, you will find plum-coloured, Vulgalour upholstery.
It's got a stereo radio/cassette that doesn't work,
It's got cruise control...
that doesn't work. An electric sunshine roof that...
doesn't work.
But as a result of these small, niggly little faults,
I was able to get this bucket of magnificence
for just 1,100 of my pounds.
The next contender arrived.
Wait, there's a car arriving here with no one behind the wheel.
It must be Hammond and it's a Dolly Sprint!
-What do you think? -Yeah, look at that!
First ever production car to have 16 valves, four per cylinder.
Wow!
And the first British saloon car to have alloy wheels as standard.
-Wow! -It's up there.
-I seem to recall... Very sporty! -Yes, but hang on.
-Real wood. -I know.
The only thing is they forgot to sand it. You get splinters off it.
It's made out of floorboards! It's unbelievable!
So, how much did you pay of your own money?
-£1,250. -So you've gone over?
Because it's a classic! It's desirable. People want these things.
-Morning! -And he's brought a piece of cheese.
-You brought a Princess, James. -I have.
James, we're trying to prove that British Leyland occasionally made good cars.
You're not helping our case here.
Most interesting car they ever made and most radical and most modern.
Oh, look at the brown interior!
Brown, brown, brown.
It's brown and browner.
Brown was a '70s colour. This is a 1978 car.
-It's very interesting, in good condition. -Why is it interesting?
This was the first car in the world
to obscure its wiper spindles under the bonnet.
Obscured windscreen wiper spindles, there's a reason to own one!
At the time, it was important.
-What's the suspension in this? Hydragas. -Hydragas.
-It's very, very... -James, it's very low.
-It should be. -It's collapsed.
It's very low on that side and very high...
-It's actually broken, James. -It's leaked.
This car, the Dolly Sprint, was driven in The Professionals.
This featured in the video of "Don't You Want Me, Baby?" by the Human League.
This was driven by Terry Scott in Terry and June.
-I know. -Enough said.
Now, at this point, we'd normally receive our challenge,
but spitefully, the production team said we had to drive 40 miles to go and get it.
Forty miles? No problem at all!
-To horse. -Come on!
Yeah!
This is it, an automotive torture chamber,
an endless series of twists, bumps and corners,
designed to find weaknesses in cars.
Here it comes.
"As you can see, the Stig's Datsun is now parked on a one-in-three hill..."
Yes.
"It is being held, no problem at all, by its handbrake.
You will now park your cars there, put them in neutral,
apply the handbrake, get out. You get £100 if it stays where it is."
-Well, it's a simple test. -Yours is pointing in the right direction.
You go first.
-It is steeper than you think. -It is very steep.
Actually, it is a bit steeper than it looks.
Right, stopped on the footbrake.
-Oh, would you get out of that now? -No.
His foot's still on the brake. Look.
I'm not sure.
What's he doing?
That's the quickest I've ever seen him move.
-How's that? -You're there!
-£100! -Thank you.
What a machine! The mighty Princess, yeah. Genuinely pleased about that.
-Watch this. -Yeah, I'm going to.
I was feeling confident about this test.
All I had to do was get to the stopping point.
God, it is steep.
I've never seen that before.
Happily, the wheel spin generated so much smoke,
the car was hidden from view.
I therefore claimed I'd done it and then it was Hammond's turn.
-There he is, parked. -Oh, no, that's not working for me at all.
His foot's out. His arm's out...
Okay.
Ah, that's not gone well!
Sorry!
Sorry, that's gone badly wrong!
It's going to come... Oh!
Sorry. Sorry!
Having failed the handbrake test,
he's knocked down the sign warning him how steep the hill is!
Still, every cloud and all that...
Good test of how fast it goes backwards... with the handbrake on.
We were given the challenge.
What?
"Your cars will now be filled to the brim with water
and then you will drive round the track."
-That explains it. -But how will you breathe?
It doesn't say.
The cars would be filled by fire trucks and to make sure they didn't leak so badly
that they couldn't be brimmed with water, the doors were sealed with gaffer tape.
You could have used warm water! It's freezing!
There's 30-odd years' worth of fag ends and fluff coming up on top!
Look at it going up the window. It's fantastic.
Oh, I can hear him!
Yeah, go, go, go!
The extra weight did blunt the Dolly's performance.
-And he's leaving a big trail... -That's a big trail of water.
Fortunately, because the water came out so quickly,
I was soon able to pick up some speed.
One thing they were saying is that the weight of the water is so immense
that as you go round the corner, it could slosh over to one side and roll over.
Imagine filling the insurance form in on that!
"Well, how did he drown?"
-This is going to take more than... -That little box.
Despite the Dolly's leakiness, I made it past Hammerhead.
Oh, me... That's fallen out.
I'd better be honest. That's just dipped below the steering wheel now.
He's stopped.
He's stopped just before the follow-through.
-More than half a lap. -More than half a lap.
-You think you can beat that? -Let's see.
Here we go.
Oh, look at this...
One of the issues with the Austin Princess we're able to determine now,
very badly-fitted door handles.
It should have been called the Austin Colander!
Even so, it was filling quite well.
This is a great sport.
And I checked to make sure James's snorkel was working.
And go!
Wow! Look at the speed!
The other great thing is James still has no idea how to drive round this track.
He never does power tests.
He's doing it right. About at the same speed Terry Wogan went round it.
Nevertheless, James was doing brilliantly.
I'm going to pass Hammond! There it is! Yes!
In fact, the Princess could hold its drink so well, he did a full lap!'
-He's not cheating! -It's still there!
I can't believe it!
And then he passed Hammond again!
Yes! Yes!
And I've just lost it.
-You've been lapped. -That doesn't happen every day.
-Lapped by Captain Slow. -In an Austin Princess full of water.
-Right, bring on the Rover! -Yeah!
The water thundered in...
It is quite cold now.
...and came straight out again.
We're having to use two hoses,
-because your Rover leaks so badly. -Rubbish!
Jeremy, it's not filling up.
-Yes, it is. -No, it isn't!
Eventually, we became bored and the tankers became empty.
So we sent him on his way.
Go!
Yeah, feel the power!
It's looking good!
Oh, no!
The damn door's come off!
-That's quite a big panel gap. -That is quite a gap.
You lost that badly.