Robert: I do not believe monogamy is natural for the human species.
I don't think it's what Mother Nature most wants.
Now, there's exceptions, but Mother Nature likes lots of - and lots of -.
Matt: Welcome to the Attractive Man podcast.
I'm your host, Matt Artisan. What's up, guys?
Today im with you Josiah Prise,
one of our top trainers here
at The Attractive Man, as well as author of No More Mr.
Nice Guy, Mr.
Robert Glover.
And I'm really excited to talk to him today because we're going to dive deep
into monogamous versus non monogamous relationships.
That's right.
Polyamory versus monogamy, open versus traditional.
And which one is better?
The pros and cons of each so that you can decide which one is best for you.
And it might not be the one that you think.
So make sure to pay attention to the entire episode.
Let's dive right in.
Josiah: So throughout your history, you were in a monogamous relationship
with your first wife, second wife, and I assume now your third wife. What are
your thoughts and ideas behind non monogamous relationships?
Robert: I do not believe monogamy is natural for the human species.
I don't think is what Mother Nature most wants.
Now, there's exceptions nowadays.
Since we don't live in a tribe,
it is probably the best way to parent children unless you live in a commune.
But, you know, aren't too many of those
out there and most of us aren't living in a commune.
But Mother Nature likes lots of - and lots of -.
And for most of human existence, we were tribal and therefore communal.
We shared everything food, protection, shelter,
and every man had access to - and every - has had access to -.
Mother Nature loves that, OK?
Around ten thousand years ago, we became less wanderer's hunters gatherers.
We started settling down and we started staking a claim.
Men started saying, "This is my land.
This is my cow, this is my tree. This is my corn.
This is my woman. This is my children."
And so this is where the ownership or what
feminism is called, the "patriarchal model" begin to come in.
And so the monogamy part comes out of that.
It comes out of this ownership model.
That's what we've had for ten thousand years.
Religion showed up about six thousand years ago and for a few reasons,
one to kind of help men protect their claims, including
their women and paternity and things like that.
And so what what we've done for about
the last ten thousand years is limit both men and women.
We've limited men's access to - and women's - access to -.
We said, nope, you've got
to get into a relationship, be married, live together forever,
and then you're going to have lifelong blissful sex. It's never worked,
its never worked. The whole idea of romantic love didn't even come around to about two
hundred years ago. For about, you know, about the last ten thousand years.
It's all economic, you know. We're going to marry - you know,
marriages were either arranged or we married somebody on the farm next door
that we knew from church or that we grew up with in the town.
And we had this idea that was supposed to work.
But monogamy has never worked.
If it did work, nobody would ever cheat, nobody to ever be unfaithful.
Religion wouldn't have to try to manage
people's sexuality if monogamy actually worked.
And when, you know, we started saying this, you know,
lifelong, you know, man, woman forever, you know, one man, one woman for life,
you know, people lived till seventeen, twenty four, you know, maybe thirty five.
That was a long life.
And so we're now in a situation that we've
romanticized this whole thing about, about, "Oh, we found, you know,
my my my one and only, you know, my split apart, my soul mate."
And we've romanticized it for about two
hundred years and written songs and books and stories and movies about it.
And romantic love is actually also
another terrible way to try to build a long term relationship.
I don't know if it was Mark Manson or who I read that said that the theory is
Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet to show the utter fallacy of romantic love.
"Oh, we love each other so much.
Let's off ourselves."
Yeah, that's really logical?
So with all of that said,
even though society has this, you know, bundled us into this, you've got to
find someone, marry them, and then you get to have sex,
which unfortunately, that means dating and courtship has never
been part of human experience, you know, but now that now it is because we don't
live on farms and we don't have our families arranging.
So now we actually have to get good
at dating and courting in order to even get access to -.
So, I mean, it's a mess.
So to try to answer your question,
I'm a big believer that if you do anything consciously, it's going to be a powerful
growth experience. If you date consciously,
and that's what I preach, conscious dating, if you date consciously,
is going to be a powerful personal growth machine.
I've been telling men and women for years
as a relationship therapist, I believe conscious relationships are
probably the most powerful personal growth machine there is.
Getting into any kind of intimate
relationship with another human being is going to challenge us.
It's going to grow us. Why?
Because it's not natural.
Now we wanted to connect.
Wanting to be sexual
is natural, but trying to do that in a pair bonded relationship is not.
So we're trying to do something natural using unmanned, unnatural techniques.
So if you decide to be monogamous, as my wife and I have,
and decided to keep all of our sexual energy within the container of our
relationship, and we do, she doesn't flirt.
She doesn't have a bunch of guys on Facebook.
I got nobody on Facebook.
I have no friends on Facebook. That's by choice.
No women. I don't flirt.
I don't I don't look at porn.
I don't masturbate.
I regularly rarely ejaculate.
I, I found that our sex life is more exciting if I don't very often.
And so all of that sexual energy stays
within our relationship and that really heats it up.
Our sex is never boring.
It's always exciting.
And within that we tell each other lots
of stories and we've had some sexual adventures.
But our rule is anything that we invite
into that container is mutually pleasurable and agreeable to both of us.
Right?
And we don't try to go out and make anything happen.
But but but we let whatever wants
to manifest within that sexual container manifest.
But nothing's hidden, nothing secretive.
Nothing's over here on the side for for either one of us.
So that makes our sex life really exciting and its very enjoyable.
Even in sixty four.
I don't have a real high sex drive, but but I love having sex with my wife
because of that monogamous sexual container.
Now, at the same time, I'm also been.. A piece I've been working
on within myself and working with a lot of men is how do you make a decision to be
sexually monogamous with a partner and not give away any other personal freedoms?
How do you - just because you've said "I'm
going to be sexual only with you" how do we not go put a handcuff on one
wrist and give them the other handcuff and say, lock me down and take away all the..
You know? Now you can tell me I can't go spend time with my friends or now you can
say I can't go do this or I can't do that because that's what most of us do.
Once we get monogamous,
we we give them the keys and the handcuffs to control every aspect of our life.
That's called fusion and it's not particularly healthy.
So I think one of the beautiful challenges of monogamy is, number one,
we're driven to want to put our - in other -. Deciding to only put it
one -, but to keep that relationship so exciting that it never gets bored
and never feels like, OK, it's time for a different -,
and to not give up anything of ourselves to do that in the process,
I think that is amazingly powerful way to grow as a human being.
Now, with all that said,
I also think non monogamous relationships can be really powerful.
They require a load of consciousness in general.
They require more rules than monogamy does.
And and they still both require a lot of transparency, a lot of honesty.
So either way, you approach it. Monogamous.
Non monogamous.
If you're willing to show up, be conscious, be present, tell the truth,
be transparent, be willing to do your work of whatever gets brought up.
Either way, both are really powerful.
And I would never say to anybody, "Here's the way you should do it.
Here's the right way to do it."
I see benefits of both.
I see some advantages, some growth opportunities in both.
And, you know, honestly, the only time I really
entertained being in a non monogamous relationship was when I really did enjoy
being sexual with the woman that I was with then being non monogamous,
it seemed a lot more interesting.
But when I'm loving having sex with one woman,
just telling each other dirty stories while we're having sex seems to be good
enough to create that energetic feel of of more of a non monogamous
and my wife, who's extremely jealous, I can just tell me the nastiest,
dirtiest stories that, you know to happen in real life.
She'd shoot me so.
So you can have fun with it if you feel safe.
There's a lot you can do in that that monogamous container.
Matt: Hey, man, I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Make sure to subscribe to this channel so that you can watch the other episodes
from the Robert Glover interview and make sure to hit that Bell notification icon.
And listen, man, if you want to go deep and really get this part of your life
handled, then I highly recommend either one of our live programs.
I'll put a link to our boot camp schedule down below we're traveling
all over the world, and we help you become
the best, most attractive version of yourself.
Student: I got to know the individual points where
I have to work on in order to improve and get better results.
So instead of getting frustrated that I'm not getting results, this does not work.
I know where to work on.
And I have been on almost two instant dates.
I have been on one instant date and that other one could have been
an instant date as well. Matt: The one with the white dress?
Oh, man. And if you'd just gone for it she'd definitely
said yes. She was gorgeous.
Student: Yeah. Matt: So I recommend that you click the link
down in the description to apply for a free breakthrough session where you'll
hop on a phone call with one of our team members and we'll assess your situation.
We'll see where you're at right now, where you want to be and see if we can get
you there in the fastest and easiest way possible.
I'll put a link to it at the end of this video on the right side.
So click that link and let's get this part of your life handled for good.
And if you got questions, feel free to follow me and hit me up on Instagram.
Send me a DM.
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my name is Matt Artisan from The Attractive Man and I'll see you in the next video.