What’s up YouTube, Breakup Brad here… and in this video, I want to help you determine
whether you’re stuck in your ex’s friendzone.
And beyond that, I’ll also explain why the Friend Zone is a bad place to be if you want
a second chance with your ex.
Let’s get into it.
First, let me clarify why being friends with your ex is a bad thing for your chances of
getting them back.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex Hurts Your Chances of Getting Them Back
#1: By being friends with your ex, you act as their “safety net” while they look
for someone new.
Do you want to be your ex’s confidante while they tell you about their new lover(s)?
Do you want to be their backup plan in case things don’t work out with the new relationship
they’re pursuing with someone else?
Probably not.
That’s why you have to make it absolutely clear to your ex that if they choose to break
up with you, they’re on their own... and they can’t come running back to you if they
find the single life less fun than they’d imagined it would be.
I know this sounds completely backwards, but unless you apply some urgency to the situation
for your ex, they’ll be fine to keep you around as a backup option… and that’s
going to make you look somewhat pathetic, and it certainly won’t make them more attracted
to you.
It also gives your ex time to slowly learn to adjust to life without you around.
#2: It won’t give your ex a chance to develop feelings of nostalgia and to miss you as much
as if you aren’t around.
One of the key ingredients to repairing a relationship is allowing enough time to pass
that your ex begins to miss you.
And how do you make someone miss you?
Simple: you disappear from their life.
You shut down all lines of communication, and fall off their radar completely.
By maintaining a friendship with your ex, it’s impossible to really effectively disappear
from their radar, and therefore nearly impossible for them to miss you.
This is one of the reasons it’s so common for an ex to want to be friends after breaking
up, even if they were the one to end things: it helps soften the blow and ensures they
won’t miss you as badly as if you disappear completely.
Now, I’ve mentioned this in some of my past videos, but just to reiterate here: many studies
have found that humans are hard-wired to forget about negative memories more quickly and easily
than positive ones.
That means that, by employing a period of No Contact and leaving your ex alone for at
least a month, you’re allowing him or her time to let go of negative memories and emotions
and fixate on the happier parts of your relationship.
And again, this isn’t going to happen if you’re still regularly hanging out with
your ex after breaking up, like you probably would be if you decided to be friends with
them.
And finally…
#3: It gives complete control of the situation to your ex.
When it comes to winning back your ex, it’s important that you make it known to them that
you’re still “equals”, even if they’re the one who decided to break up with you.
You need to make it clear that you’re not a pushover, and that if your ex isn’t interested
in a romantic relationship, then they’re going to be cut from your life altogether.
You’re not a desperate loser who will wait around until they change their mind.
I know this sounds a bit sleazy, but the reality is that you need to maintain your own “status”
in the eyes of your ex if you’re going to be able to win them back.
By going along with the idea of being “friends” after breaking up, you’re basically shifting
the balance of power in their favour, which will typically hurt your chances of getting
back together.
OK, now you’re aware of the 3 biggest problems that arise from being stuck in your ex’s
friendzone…
now, let me help you determine if you have indeed fallen into the friend zone trap.
Let’s look at some common signs that indicate you’ve been friendzoned…
Signs You’ve Been Friendzoned By Your Ex
Sign #1: Your ex actively suggests being friends after the breakup.
Let’s start with the most obvious one… which is that your ex has actually told you
they want to “stay friends” after the breakup.
No explanation is necessary here… if they’ve actively suggested you remain friends despite
breaking up, you’re almost certainly already in their friend zone, and it’s time to get
out as soon as possible.
Sign #2: Your ex continues to contact you regularly.
Now, this one is a bit of a double-edged sword, because your ex contacting you can be a good
sign for your chances of getting them back… but it can also indicate that they’re just
trying to keep a friendship alive.
If they’re contacting you regularly after the breakup, and it’s usually just to ask
meaningless stuff like, “what’s up,” they’ve probably shifted their perception
of you to “just a friend”.
In particularly, in the first month or so after breaking up, not hearing from your ex
at all is usually a sign that they’re struggling with the breakup and can’t face the emotions
that will result from talking with you.
The more they act like everything is fine, and reach out to you for seemingly unimportant
reasons, the more likely it is that they’ve re-categorized you as a friend in their mind.
I recommend you take 3 or 4 minutes to complete my free quiz at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz to help
you figure out whether your ex has put you into “friendzone” territory, or whether
their attempts to reach out to you might still indicate they’re considering taking you
back.
Again, the quiz is free at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz.
Sign #3: They don’t attempt to incite jealousy or react when you try to make them jealous.
If you’ve used the Covert Jealousy technique that I describe in my Ex Factor program and
it didn’t have the desired affect on your ex, that can often mean you’ve fall into
the friendzone trap.
Similarly, if your ex doesn’t appear to make any effort to incite jealousy on your
part, that can sometimes also suggest that they see you as a friend.
Sign #4: When you see your ex, they don’t flirt or show you any kind of “special attention”.
So, if you’ve met up with your ex since breaking up… and if they didn’t make an
attempt to flirt with you, or show any kind of sexual or romantic chemistry… that’s
typically not a good sign.
A total lack of flirting and sexual chemistry during in-person enconters is often an indication
that you’ve been friendzoned.
Escaping Your Ex’s Friend Zone
So, if you’re at the point now where you can see that you’ve clearly become ‘friends’
since your breakup, then it’s time to begin backing out of that situation.
You can’t rush this, because moving too quickly will set off alarm bells in your ex’s
mind and potentially cause some unwanted conflict.
So instead of suddenly telling your ex you don’t want to talk to them anymore, just
take it slowly… begin by taking longer to reply to their texts, and start being “too
busy” to hang out when your ex wants to get together.
Make sure you “already have plans with a friend” if your ex proposes doing something
together, and don’t be afraid to ignore their calls once in a while.
This slow withdrawal from your ex’s life can lead into a period of No Contact, which
is something I absolutely recommend you employ as soon as possible to maximize your chances
of getting them back.
Another thing you should do to ensure you have the best possible chance of winning them
back is to visit BreakupBrad.com and watch my free full-length tutorial video.
So, head to BreakupBrad.com right now, and watch the video to make sure you’re on the
right track moving forward.
Also don’t forget to take my free quiz at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz to find out where you
currently stand with your ex and what your chances are of ever getting them back.
Hope you found this video helpful…
please like, subscribe, and feel free to leave your questions and feedback in the comments
below.
Thanks so much for watching, talk to you again soon!