It's time for one of the most called-for segments ever
on a show.
And that's Sound Effects Theater.
Oh no. [Matt] And we have...
We're gonna do Sound Effects Theater, now?
Yes, this is where Sona and I typically will act out
a scene and you will provide the sound effects
but using only spoken word.
Yes.
This is an innovation I came up with that I'm very proud of.
Oh. You're proud of it.
Very proud of it. [Sona] Mm-hmm.
Where instead of going through all the time and trouble
on a podcast of recreating sound effect,
why not just say what the sound is?
Oh, that sounds cool.
Yeah, and let me also explain...
Yeah, this is a special episode.
Flula, guests never hang around for this part.
(Sona laughs) Oh!
[Conan] And I don't know why you're still here.
(Matt laughs)
I walked downstairs during the break
and someone has stolen my mountain bike, so...
(Sona laughs)
We are here,
and we had this wonderful interview with Flula.
Yeah.
And then (laughs) he leaves (laughs)
and then we start doing this part of the show (laughs)
and I notice he's back in the recording room again.
Yeah.
(Conan continues to laugh hysterically)
There's a chair in here and...
(Conan laughs) It's air conditioned.
Do you not own a chair at home?
Well, not outside on the pavement, so.
Okay (laughs).
I just ordered another bicycle on Prime, so.
Okay (cracks up laughing).
All right, well, Flula, well, we've never done this before.
Oh, okay.
We've never had the guest (laughs) hang out like this.
But I know you, I know that you will be very unobtrusive-
Correct.
While we do Sound Effects Theater, and,
just try not to touch any of the buttons here.
Okay. Any of the knobs.
Like this one?
No, no, don't touch that one.
Sorry.
Okay, I just fired a missile.
All right- (Sona laughs)
We're gonna do Sound Effects Theater now,
where I create my version of sound effects,
and this is my gift to the podcast world.
It's a gift.
Radio, you know, anything where you only have the audio.
It's my gift. Wow! Nice!
Movies could use this too. Yes!
Yeah, okay, so, let's do we're at a zoo this time.
How about that?
Mmm.
[Matt] Okay, all right.
(cheerful music plays)
[Sona] Borg.
[Matt] As the new hires here at the Cincinnati Zoo,
we have a lotta work to do
to get to cleaning up these cages.
First of all, how are you two today?
[Sona] I'm doing great, I'm really excited about animals.
[Flula] Thank you, Matt, for hiring me.
I hope to save enough money
to purchase another mountain bike soon.
Smart!
I like you kid, you got a good head on your shoulders.
Thank you, adult.
(Sona laughs)
[Matt] Uh-oh, looks like the baboons are acting up.
[Conan] (shrieking) Acting up! Acting up!
Acting up! Acting up! Acting up!
The monkeys are speaking?
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to sedate them.
They get a little too excited sometimes.
[Conan] (shrieking) Acting up! Acting up! Acting up!
[Flula] Great.
[Sona] Shoot 'em with a tranquilizer dart.
[Flula] Here, stop moving, baboon.
[Conan] Poom. Trigger. Choo, air. Sss.
(rasps) Skin secrete.
[Flula] Gotchyou, baboon. Don't die.
Oh no...
(squealing) Heart rate dropping. Heart rate dropping.
Heart rate dropping...
Borg, you killed our showcase baboon.
[Sona] (laughs) Oh no.
[Conan] Not dead yet. Not dead yet.
[Matt] Well, he's dying.
Let me apply CP, CP...
[Conan] Feeling better. Feeling better.
[Sona] Oh, okay.
I was going to make out with him and pump his rumpus.
What's that magical...?
Fingers interlock. Yeah.
Compressor. Compressor. Compressor. Compressor.
Heartuhbeatuh. Heartuhbeatuh. Heartuhbeatuh. Heartuhbeatuh.
Hey, you did it.
[Conan] (screeching) Acting up! Acting up!
[Flula] Oh, perfect. [Conan] Acting up!
[Sona] Oh no, shoot him again. Shoot him again.
[Flula] Okay, I will shoot you again.
You are annoying, yet still alive, baboon.
[Conan] Pull trigger. Shoot real gun, accidentally. Bullet!
Buhdish.
[Flula] Oh no! I've accidentally murdered the baboon.
[Conan] Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed.
Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed. Bleed.
[Flula] Please, help me Sona, uh, employee.
Oh my god! Why did we give a trainee a real gun?
I don't understand why that happened.
I've never learned how to do it.
I figured he's as good as anyone else.
And now listen, we've excited the elephants.
[Conan] Trunk. Blow. Noise.
[Matt] Jesus. (Sona laughs)
[Conan] Trunk. Blow. Noise.
Stop running at me big, big one.
[Conan] Footfall. Footfall. Footfall. Footfall.
Rattle, fumble, rattle, fumble.
Footfall. Footfall.
Trunk blow noise.
[Flula] Sona, quick, jump on this one.
[Sona] All right, I'm jumping on him, to tame him?
[Conan] Jump. Boingngng. (Sona laughs)
Land back.
The only way to do it is
for one of us to do a very accurate Tarzan yell.
Okay, ahem, ahem...
[Conan] (shrieks) Jungle yeeeell!
(Sona laughs) (Matt laughs)
Is that accurate?
No, not at all, we're gonna have to try again.
Oh, sorry. Ahem, ahem.
[Conan] (shrieks) Jungle yeeeelll!
(Sona laughs)
I'm looking for that kind of pitch-shifting, you know,
Tarzan yell.
Yeah, when he's swinging on the vines.
[Conan] Jungle yell-ell-ell-ell-ell-ell.
[Matt] There you go!
[Sona] There it is! There it is!
[Conan] Ell-ell-ell-ell-ell. Swing on a vine.
Yeah.
I knew my yodeling would come in handy.
You're welcome everyone.
(Sona laughs)
All right, well, that's taken care of.
Now, we just need to go over here to the Lion Den.
[Sona] Ooohh!
[Conan] Walkuh. Walkuh. Walkuh. Walkuh.
[Sona] Oh, we're walking. [Conan] Walkuh. Walkuh.
We're loud walkers.
Are the Muppets here?
(Sona laughs) [Matt] Fozzy Bear!
Fozzy, what are you doing here?
[Conan] Key insert. Twist. Gate open.
Why are we opening the lion area?
You know, honestly, I did not intend to, but...
(Sona laughs)
Just happened.
And here we are inside the Lion Den, so,
and here comes Leo.
[Conan] (squeaks) Lion.
[Matt] He's not well.
(Sona laughs)
The lion is just saying "Lion."
[Conan] (growling) Lion. Lion. Lion.
[Sona] What is this?
[Conan] (growling) Lion. Lion.
[Matt] Oh, he seems kinda turned on.
I think he likes the look of you, Borg.
[Flula] Wow, he looks like a descendant of Chewbacca,
a little bit.
Speak some more you hot, hot feline.
(Conan and Sona laugh)
[Conan] (yawns) Lick lip. Mmmm, hungry.
[Flula] Oh, here,
let me get my ChapStick out of my fanny and-
[Conan] Zip.
[Flula] Moisturize you.
[Conan] Hand over. Rub, rub. Rub, rub.
(growls) Satisfied.
Wow, you've been a real good Leo, here,
here's a big T-bone steak.
[Conan] Hand... steak. (Sona laughs)
Chew, chew, chew, chew. Salivate.
[Flula] Mmm, nice!
I want to eat some of that as well, Leo.
[Conan] Chew, chew, chew. Masticate. Swallow.
Digest. (Flula gasps)
Oh. Wow.
Delicious. (Sona laughs)
I love you.
[Sona] I love you?
I love you?
He loves you.
[Conan] Meow. Feelings not reciprocated.
Ohhhh.
Oh no, rejection has a sound effect.
Ugh. Count me out.
I quit this terrible job, Matt.
[Matt] I don't blame you, I quit as well.
This place is full of hate. Sona?
[Sona] Oh, I'll quit, too.
[Matt] Oh, okay, yeah, I was gonna say.
[Sona] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm quitting, too.
'Cause I don't want to do this alone.
The end?
[Sona] Oh my God!