One of the most important things for leaders to do is to cultivate positive
supporting communication in a team.
It's especially difficult to do, however, when people disagree.
So, we're going to look at three steps that you can follow to role model positive
communication, especially when people aren't on the same page.
My name is Alex Lyon and I'm here to provide professional development tips
that you can use right away to help increase your skill and help take your
team's to the next level.
So, a lot of times were disagreeing with each other and it can get heated our
blood can boil. We feel like we need to clash and debate and win, like
conversations are some kind of weird chess game. And I want to give you three steps
that you can follow to get out of that pattern, and then we're going to practice.
Because it's one thing to hear three steps.
It's another thing to actually make them a habit.
So the three steps are this number one pause. Might sound a little cheesy but if
you know ahead of time that you're going to pause, it will force you to listen to
that person's without feeling if you need to jump right in and score some
quick points.
It lets them finish. It also shows them a little bit of honor because you're not
cutting them off. And it gives you a few seconds to think about what you're going
to say next and you can frame it in a more positive way.
So even if you just pause for three or four seconds, it might seem like a long
time but it's but it's really not.
And also your brain and just 3 or 4 seconds can process pretty quickly. You can come
up with a more positive comment to make.
So first step is pause. A second step is to directly express honor and respect
for the other person's opinion and at least its express respect for them.
This is becoming like an old-fashioned thing you don't see much anymore but it
sounds like this. First you pause and then you say you know I really respect
your opinion on this, or you say I hear where you're coming from,
or you could just say you know I really feel like you have a lot of
experience in this area.
You show them honor. You hold their opinion up and at least them as a person
up in a place that's prominent.
You're not trying to dismiss them. And if you pause and show them you're listening and
you show them respect
now you've made some room to express your own opinion. The third step is to
express your own opinion cleanly.
In other words, don't set it up in a way that seems to smash their opinion down.
If you say I hear you're coming from BUT. I hear we're coming from
HOWEVER, now you're setting your ideas up as if they have to smash against each
other, as if one idea has to be better than the other. And that's
usually not the case.
Multiple opinions can exist in the same discussion without one having to be
wrong.
We can just discuss your ideas and we can make a decision together in a
supportive way.
So, let's practice a little bit. I'm going to say things that i'm pretty sure
you're going to disagree with because I'm gonna try to push your buttons. And
I'm going to express a couple different opinions so that everybody will have a
turn
feeling their blood boil a little bit. And remember, you're gonna put these
three steps into practice. So here we go. I'm gonna say something disagree with.
Get ready.
Donald Trump is going to be the best president this country has ever seen!
Pause. Now say something respectful about me.
I hear we are coming from. I respect you as a person.
Something. And now just state your own opinion cleanly.
This is one of the hardest parts. It should sound something like this.
Pause. I hear coming from. And then you say something like, Here are the qualities
that I think make a great president.
And then you name them and maybe name even the person that you think would be
a great president.
So you don't have to smash their opinion of their favorite politician down to
express your opinion. That doesn't have to be your job.
Okay. Let's flip let's flip the script. Let's go the other way so everybody else
gets a chance.
I think Hillary Clinton is going to be the best president that this country has
ever seen.
Pause.
Show me a little respect somehow. And then just take your own opinion.
Here's who I think might be the best president.
It's very hard to do this and it takes practice and it takes kind of a change
of heart. You have to change the way you listen.
But it's a powerful way to develop supportive relationships and positive
communication when people disagree. Let me give you one more that I'm sure most
of the nation will disagree with. It's opinion, it's an opinion that I happen to
agree with but we'll see what you think.
Tom Brady is the best quarterback the NFL has ever SEEEEN!
That's hard right especially if you're a a Bills fan.
So you say, I hear where you're coming from. First you pause. I hear where you're
coming from.
I respect your opinion. I think joe Montana is the best quarterback the NFL
has ever seen.
So notice I'm not saying but or however. It's really important to skip over those
conflict, negative kinds of words that try to smash the other person to put
them in their place and you to stick your own opinion. And I think the key
here is that the three steps work.
Absolutely. But the key here is the heart behind them. What we're trying to do is
put a supportive disposition toward other people into practice. And that's
the only way works. This does not work if you feel like this is some sneaky way to
score points.
You actually do have to change the way you listen. And if you know you're going
to put these three steps into practice, it will change the way you listen. You
know you're going to pause so you're not figuring out some clever little response.
You know you're going to listen so that you can show some appreciation for their
point of view. And you know that when you express yourself you can express
yourself cleanly without setting it up as a debate or a conflict it's just a
discussion. And that way you can have a disagreement and still maintain a
supportive connection and this way you can talk all day about things that you
I see differently and still part as friends, still leave that meeting in a
way that you can hold your head high and feel good about the way you handled
yourself.
That's why I created Communication Coach, this channel, to help rising leaders like
yourself
increase your impact and take your teams to the next level. I created the
channel for what I call Rising Leaders, people who are looking to develop their
skills.
Maybe you didn't get all the training you wanted to begin with and you're
looking for an opportunity to take your game to the next level. And I also want to
say this channel is not really about career advancement per say. I have no
problem with you advancing your careers. I want you to do that. But I created this
channel for people like you who believe in the work to believe in the greater
purpose and the greater cause that you're working for. And I think that if
you become that kind of leader then you're not going to have to worry about
career advancement. Those kinds of things will take care of themselves.
So if you're interested in ongoing content on this type of topic
leadership, communication skills, then I encourage you to subscribe to the
channel, start tuning in,
start conversations in the comments section below, and and make some use of
the of the videos. So thanks.
God bless. And I hope you get to use the tips you find here at your very next
opportunity.