A performer needs to feel the part to be the part.
Oh, somebody fell down on the wrong side of the parking lot.
So where's my present?
I'm a woman in Chicago, who's scared.
[honking] Shut up!
[honks]
Why was your head in your bag?
It's cool in there.
What is this?
I don't know. Pudding?
Aw, it's got fur on it.
OK, these are Pooka Fish from Puerto Iguazu,
and they love the taste of dead human skin.
Man, get me out of this house.
Come on, Trina, you gotta give me some help here.
Now, let's just get you on the couch.
No, I gotta get my wisdom teeth taken out.
That's right.
Felony jeans, and they're not knockoffs.
These are real felony jeans, the realio dealio.
Welcome to the Green Meadow Mall.
A good place to shop.
Eat slower.
Wha?
Smell my arm.
- [sniffs] - No perfume.
That's my natural scent.
I have to live with her.
When Trina was six our family went
to the mall just before Christmas.
- Don't say it! - And she peed.
- Tori! - On Santa Claus.
Ooh
Thank you, Tori.
In all fairness, I did have a bladder infection.
Go!
- Tori's not here. - Oh, I know.
Trina's not here either.
Well, good, 'cause she doesn't like me anyway, so
I just got these jeans and I got to stretch 'em out.
Mm, mm
You know, we eat on that table.
Sorry, my butt's gotta breathe.
Tissue.
[blowing her nose]
[coughs] Check the color.
Like this?
[imitates retching]
Yeah, that's not good.
And Hollywood Arts' first ever prom queen is
- Jade West! - What?!
- What?! - What?
Hi, I'm Tori's sister
and I can promise you she is a good girl.
I mean, is she a perfect sister? No.
Is she the prettiest, the most talented girl in the world?
Not by a long shot.
- Is she-- - How is this helping anything?
♪ You haven't seen The best of me ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey ♪
Well, how come you never told me--
[gasping]
[screaming]
Help!
Get her down! Stop the play! Hurry!
Well, I guess someone should get this on video.
Shawn, right?
Yeah. Uh, Tarnie?
Trina.
Or Tarnie.
Trina, Tarnie I answer to both.
So people do call you Tarnie.
No, no one calls me Tarnie.
[gasps]
Who's gonna be on national TV?
We're performing in the Parade Parade.
I'll do it.
Trina
No, seriously, I'll sing or dance.
I could just stand on the floor
like right in front and just be the pretty girl.
I could totally just be the pretty girl.
How do I make it stop?
Just press the red button right on top.
Sorry.
[groans]
Where have you been?
Jogging.
On your face?
It's not funny.
Hello, Sinjin.
You're not supposed to talk.
I'll talk if I want to talk.
I'm a singer and a dancer,
and if you give me half a chance,
I swear I will blow your mind with my talent.
Oh! Oh!
Yeah, no, maybe this isn't the best time,
but just text me after the party.
♪ No, please Don't carry me away! ♪
Oh, yes!
[muffled talking]
[sighs]
You bit my lip.
I tried to bite both.
[screams]
[smashing and breaking]
[screams]
Oh, your stupid card brought us to this scene!
You cost me 5,000 dollars!
But I want an Oompa-Loompa now!
[yelling] Waah
Waah!
Your singing's not getting better.
I'm doing vocal warm-ups. It's what real singers do.
Oh, look! Now she's a hot dog!
I love hot dogs!
Oh, sing it, hot dog!
[dance music playing]
They say mustard retards pimples.
Oh
[blowing her nose]
[sighing]
Oh, my God!
- Look what just came out of me! - Let's go.
You've been blowing your nose in my underwear?
Yeah, they're like a giant soft hankie.
Giant?
Hey, what are we talking about?
- Trina was just telling me-- - [screams]
Ah!
It's a secret!
Ow! Why are you wearing so many rings?!
Oh, darn. Looks like there's no place for me to sit.
Oh, well.
Ah
Oh, my God! I am so exhausted!
[groans]
I am going to go get in my bed and sleep for at least
Holy cheese, who's this hunka dude?
This is Moose.
We're taking him to Karaoke-Dokie.
I'm in, let's go.
Yay, André!
- Yay, André! - Will you quit screaming?!
What did you say to me?
Quit screaming!
Are you trying to scream louder than me?!
I
- Oh, no you don't! - Oh, yeah I do!
No!
- Oh, don't you even try! - Oh, you want to scream at me?
[screaming]
Why are you looking at yourself in the mirror?
Why wouldn't I?
What is that?
My trophy.
For what?
For the shelf in my bedroom.
But how'd you get it?
I took mom's credit card,
went online to Trophiocity.com and bought it.
Trina Vega. First place. Go me!
How many laces on a football?
The answer: Who cares?
[buzzer]
Wrong!
The points go to the yellow team!
And for Trina that's a Doink!
No, no, no! Not in my face! I mean it! Not in my face!
Nuts and Bolts!
What? What nuts and bolts?
[screams]
You have 977 followers?
How do you have so many?
Because I'm amazing, I'm pretty, I'm smart,
I'm pretty
Yay, Tori!
I don't know why they didn't ask me to sing the national anthem.
- I do. - Me too.
- I get it. - You're a terrible singer.
Oh, shut up!
♪ Ella es el almuerzo ♪
And cut!
Everyone take cinco!
Really nice work. Good job.
Gracias.
That was a great scene, Trina.
Really high-quality television.
Mwah!
Top-notch acting.