- If I was a kid today and I grew up
in the house I grew up in,
you better (snaps) believe I'm over at school like,
"We live in a tiny home."
And they'd be like, "Your tiny home's a trailer."
(woman laughs)
- You poor (beeps).
- Really expensive tiny homes
are often made from the shipping containers.
You know, I'm like, that's a trailer.
They took my poor person home and rebranded it.
Now they sell it to the rich. (shushing)
Hi I'm Trixie Mattel.
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two Queens who like to watch.
- Then today we have the very distinct pleasure
of watching an incredible holiday film.
Dolly Parton's "Christmas on the Square,"
directed by the incomparable, Debbie Allen.
♪ Christmas on the square ♪
Do you do Christmas in the circle?
No (laughs).
On the square.
- Let's get into it.
Let's get into the Debbie Allen.
(energetic music)
And spoiler alert.
If you haven't figured out,
we actually watch the show
on the show we watch the show.
So don't ruin it for yourselves. (chuckles)
So we have Dolly Parton portraying a person
in between living situations,
but I'm sure she's going to do it very flawlessly.
And we have other gay icon, Christine Baranski
playing sort of a Scrooge McDuck character
who wants to evict people around Christmas.
- Get outta here.
- I love Christine Baranski.
- Me too.
- Icon.
Oh my God.
Let me get my Dolly Parton heartstrings tissues,
just in case something happens.
- Let me get mine. I'm going to get mine too.
Hold on.
- Got it.
- [Katya] Me too. - Dolly Parton sent me these
after the heartstrings episode
and they're tissues that say Dolly things.
This says, "When I'm feeling a little low,
"I put on my high heels."
- I think that's so beautiful.
- And look, I got my Dolly Parton doll
for this moment.
- Oh, wow.
- I mean, she doesn't look exactly like her,
but it's pretty good, right?
- It's beautiful.
- It's so beautiful.
♪ Love and compassion ♪
(women gasp)
- Oh my God.
♪ Better to give than receive ♪
- I love Dolly.
I mean, she looks great.
- I'm obsessed.
♪ Gotta get out of this town ♪
♪ There's no reason to wait around ♪
♪ Gotta get out of this town. ♪ ♪ Santa's comin' around. ♪
- We are watching a Christmas musical film.
- Absolutely.
♪ Christmas lights and snowball fights ♪
(woman claps)
- Oh my eye.
(woman exclaims)
♪ Christmas on the square ♪
- This town is being sold.
So let's avoid disaster.
It's in my jurisdiction
to hand you this eviction,
you'll also get out.
- Oh she's serving evictions
to the entire town right before Christmas.
You better work, (beeps).
I know that's evil.
It's also very chic.
- Juicy, energetic.
- Of what will be the biggest mall in middle America.
- It's very small-town vibes and the malls are evil.
- Malls yeah. Mom and pop. - 'Cause they kill
the small businesses.
- They killed mom and pop.
Yeah.
- Change?
♪ Christmas on the square ♪
- Me (chuckles).
- Give credit where it's due.
Dolly's in her '70s, I believe.
- 74 I think yeah.
- I'm 31 and I literally look like a dead person.
(woman chuckles)
So she's doing good.
- I'm guessing right now
that Dolly Parton is an angle.
- Oh God. She is going to be an angle.
Isn't she?
- Yeah.
- She's going to be an angle on
and later on she's gonna save somebody in the town.
So she's pretending to be a homeless person.
Who's pretending
to be homeless person.
- See it's a test.
She's testing the town.
(upbeat music)
Gay, gay.
This is (beeps) gay.
- Oh they're doing this.
♪ Christmas is the time for beauty ♪
- Regina's childhood best friend.
The incredible showstopping Ms. Jennifer Lewis.
- But even though we're friends
who have grown up here together,
it's time for that change.
- Regina I'm the only friend you got
and you never even told me?
- Oh she's such a bless her heart.
- Dolly Parton's great because it's the only place
in the world a Dolly Parton thing
is where you can find zealous homophobes
and the gayest people alive holding hands singing.
- Utopian fantasy.
- Even with a show like this where they're not going to even
say the word (beeps), I'll say it (beeps).
(car beeps)
- Jennifer Lewis comes to do Regina's hair.
And we find out the ins and outs
of her relationship with Carl'.
- You don't give them the eviction notice and then say,
"Can you cut bags?"
You know what I mean?
- Exactly.
- You want to get the hair done
and then tip them with the eviction notice.
- Classic white lady behavior.
- Gonna break that man's heart all over again.
- Oh please.
- What hair do you think is under there?
She's going to pull that towel off.
What do you think?
- A black aggressive mullet.
- I think it's just a fully shaved.
It's a shaved head to the skin.
- Sticks and stones may break my bones.
- But words and deeds can slay.
(upbeat music)
♪ Hey oh ♪
♪ You just crumble and scoff ♪
- I don't need exfoliant for this face off.
♪ You oughta know ♪
(woman laughs)
- We find ourselves in all different places in life.
Sometimes you find yourself trying to run from your hometown
and run from your problems
and put everyone out of their house and home in the process.
And then losing your way a little bit. (laughs)
- I do find this relatable though,
because nothing in life, more than hardship,
calls for passionate singing for a resolution.
Don't you find that?
- Well some people hate musical theater
because they will never get past the fact
that people break into song. Do you know what I mean?
Oh really?
- Oh yeah.
- When you go see a musical and they start singing,
are you like,
"That's not realistic"? - Well see that's the problem.
I don't go see them, I don't go.
'Cause I know that's gonna happen.
I go (gags).
- Okay so Regina figures out that pastor Christian,
which is his name. - What was his name again?
What was his name again?
- Pastor Christian.
Pastor Christian.
(woman laughs)
And they're about to have like an anti-Regina meeting
and Regina finds out about it.
Pastor Evan G. Elical.
- Greed ahead of their fellow man
would trudge a rocky road ahead.
- Note to self, buy more comfortable shoes.
(woman laughs)
- She's a (beeps).
- So Regina is going to visit her old lover, Carl,
but he gets mad because she's evicting him.
Nothing says I'm over it like a full eviction.
- Oh yeah, Treat Williams.
Legendary Hollywood star.
- Mama you're lookin' like a real treat.
I'm a thick woke tree. (laughs)
- Regina. - I want her to be like,
"It's been awhile and it's Regina now,"
and then slam her bag down on the counter.
"I go by Regina."
- You know how many unanswered letters I sent to you?
- Letters?
- A hundred percent me.
I'm like, "I wrote you for two years."
The guy's like, "We've met twice."
(woman laughs)
I'm like, "Oh."
- Is that my dad's lamp?
- Yeah I bought a lot
of his old stuff over the years.
- Is that a Yankee candle he's workin'?
- [Trixie] Oh it looks like an antique store.
- I love antique stores.
- This isn't even a general store anymore.
It's just a...
It's a second-hand shop filled
with broken dolls and broken dreams.
(music box plays) - Somebody came to my house.
They go, "You need to get out of here.
"This isn't even a condo anymore.
"It's just old Barbie dolls
"and pee jars next to the bed."
(woman laughs)
- It's just a cemetery filled with cat (beeps).
- And by the way,
Dolly Parton in red. - Sparkling.
- Is still so glam.
- I am so into it.
- I'm gonna get change out
of you one way or the other. (chuckles)
- [Trixie] Oh I get it she's asking for change.
Personal change.
- Yeah.
- She's begging for change within.
- Dr. Marshall, I'm so sorry.
- Perhaps you'd like to drop by my office.
I don't think it's proper to have-
- The doctor is worried about
a shadow on her brain scan.
Brush with death.
She's going to find out the true meaning of life.
- She said, "If you don't give me a dollar,
"I'm going to give you a brain cancer."
Guess what Dolly's angel name is?
- Paula?
- Her name is Angel.
Angel the Angle.
(woman laughs)
Angel the Angle.
- So Pastor Christian, an angel angel. (laughs)
- By that logic, Christine Baranski's character name
should be like rich (beeps).
- Felicity can you flip the switch
in the power box?
- You need some light?
(lights twinkle)
(woman gasp)
- What are you doing here? - Skinny floating. (claps)
So skinny. - Skinny. (laughs)
So skinny.
♪ Everybody needs an angel ♪
- I do have a brain tumor.
- I don't even need Dolly to be floating.
If I saw her, I would say, "I have a brain tumor."
- What do you want from me?
- Change.
(woman chuckles)
- I want (claps) 75 cents.
- For a $50 bill.
- I need a roll of quarters.
I've got a two loads down
the street at the laundry.
- If we put our heads together, we can-
- Take it off, baby.
I would (beeps) that priest.
- Maybe we'll singe her hair.
- Or we'll trap her like a bear.
- Maybe we'll just rough her up a little.
♪ Wicked witch of the middle ♪
♪ She steals our homes and fiddles ♪
- So the townspeople are displaying
a wonderful mob mentality
and highlighting the hypocrisy of church-going folk.
- I mean religious people saying that they want
to identify someone they don't like and string them up.
This isn't necessarily a fantasy anymore.
(woman laughs)
- Those people don't wanna see your face.
- [Katya] They're going to burn you at the stake.
- Tacky.
- Oh, those shoes are fierce.
- I wonder if booze is good for brain tumors.
- Me.
A brain tumor?
Well yeah we'll switch to gin.
- Clear alcohol only.
- Whiskey?
- Aren't you a little young to be bartending?
- My name is Violet
and I'm old enough to accept tips.
- (laughs) Fierce.
(woman hums)
- (gasps) Oh good Heavens.
- Yes they are.
(women laugh)
And what exactly are you doing
this morning and why? - Plot twist.
Regina's assistant is actually an angel in training.
Under the mentorship of Dolly Parton.
Incredible.
- She's not a full angle.
- She's a right angle. - She's an acute angle.
- Regina, I am always here for you.
- Of course you are.
That's what I pay you for.
- I'm just gonna say this
I'm not unlike her as a boss.
- I was (chuckles) just gonna say that.
- I'm not.
- Now get me my coffee.
- That is so you. - Me girl.
Me but it's not coffee. - That is so you.
- It's a green goddess juice.
I'm like (claps).
- Regina, I'm just tryin' - Felicity
if you want a friend, get a dog.
- Fair play. - Girl, that is me
when somebody on Grindr's like, "No but
"I'm not interested in having sex or anything,
"but like we could hang out."
I said, "Mama,
"let me get something very clear to you right now.
"I'm not here to make friends."
(woman laughs)
I guess what I'm saying is...
- You're a monster.
- People are prickly
and our friend Christine Baranski here needs
to lighten up a little bit. - Yeah.
♪ Everybody needs a angel ♪
♪ Everybody needs a friend ♪
♪ Everybody needs an angel ♪
- Did you just take your pants off?
- (laughs) No.
- I thought you stood up and pulled pants down
and sat back down.
I say you better work.
- Oh no, not again.
- Brain tumor or not I still haven't gotten my change yet.
(women laugh)
(woman claps)
- For an angel, she's not very compassionate.
She's like, "I don't care if you have a brain tumor,
"I'm looking for you to become
"a slightly better person."
Okay so we're gonna find out exactly
what happened to Regina.
And it was around high school.
It was around her school dance
and she had a pregnancy
and had the baby snatched away.
So that's what all this trauma is about.
- It's also where I went in my first and only dance.
- She was in "Fame" (chuckles).
- Well, funny you mentioned it
because the woman who directed this choreographed fame,
the musical. - Oh my God, Debbie Allen.
- Debbie Allen.
♪ It's happy town ♪
♪ We're a gettin' down ♪
- Wow.
- Fierce.
Not to be gay,
but I go to dance concerts for the women.
- I was stunned.
- (gasps) It's a misunderstanding.
He's showin' her the ring. - He's showing her the ring.
- That he's gonna propose
to her with. - Yes.
- And she's like, "Oh my God, I love it congratulations."
- Teenagers jumped to conclusions hormones.
You know.
- When my father found out that I was going
to have a baby, he was devastated.
And by the time I had the baby,
the father had moved on
to another girl and another town.
- Daddy please.
Please don't take my baby.
- Regina, I'm doing what's best.
- This reminds me of when I went
to one of those haunted houses
that's put on by churches.
- Oh no. (chuckles)
It's just abortion and hell.
- This is exactly what that is.
I love Christians in small towns
because you can't have the baby,
but if you're going to have it, it has to be a bartender.
Okay I gotta update you.
Stop.
I gotta update you on the child bartender.
Now we're not going to laugh.
It's very sad.
But you guessed it.
The young bartender,
the precocious young girl was hit by a car.
(woman laughs)
- We were on our way
to the cemetery so she could leave flowers
on her mother's grave like every Christmas.
- [Katya] Wow was that her blood?
That's a lot of blood.
- My baby girl.
- [Katya] Who hit her with the car?
That's what I want to know.
- Regina's cars has blood all over the hood.
She's trying to wipe it off.
I can't believe, who's done this?
- I do believe in you and I'm asking you.
I am begging you.
- [Trixie] I love it when Christians call
it the big guy upstairs.
- Who is it, George Foreman?
- I'm so country.
I'm like my unemployed uncle who lives in my bedroom.
(woman chuckles)
By the way, I love that these adults are like,
"If she dies, who's gonna make our drinks?"
- How will I pour myself a whiskey neat?
♪ You need to swoop down ♪
♪ When an angel knows your dreams ♪
♪ We know how to make 'em come true ♪
- That kid is so cute.
I would never luck out like that.
My kid would never be that cute.
- I know.
I want to give birth to a precocious bartender.
- The kid would be like, "I think I'm pulling through."
I'd be like, "We lost her too soon."
(woman laughs)
Oh no.
The kid's like, "I'm fine."
I'm like, "(shushes) Don't fight it."
It's funny that like different levels
of cheese hit different
to different types of people.
Someone's scrap booking Mom is going
to (beeps) be inconsolable from this.
She's gonna be cutting up paper.
Like (cries).
Like just wrecked.
If I was a parent and it was Christmas time,
I'd be like, "Now this is
"a really important Christmas movie.
"Okay this is 'Die Hard.'"
"And if you pause it right here,
"when Bruce Willis is naked."
Look, I know.
- Well I found something inside.
It's my father's family Bible,
our family Bible.
It has the history of our family
and it's written in a Bible.
So it must be true.
- Oh gag. - Wow.
I'm gonna stop
you right there. - Gag.
- And then we had our first Christmas miracle.
I was that baby.
- I'm baby.
- And tonight- - I'm baby.
- On the holiest of nights. - I'm baby (chuckles).
- I had the privilege.
(woman laugh)
Of meeting- - Amen.
I'm baby.
- Please welcome.
My mother Regina Fuller.
(all gasp)
- Wow.
- Regina.
- It's Regina.
- If they pan left
and you've entered the town
and you're literally in red nasty lingerie.
And it's like (clicking tongue).
And they're like, "What?
"Who let that in?"
And you're like, "And I'm her dad."
(women laugh)
Whoa.
(woman cries)
This movie makes me think believing in God
could be a little fun.
Like a fun little weekend.
Dolly should make tree toppers of Dolly
with wings 'cause (beeps) people would pop off.
- Totally.
- You are a shining star.
And one of these days you'll be running this town.
- And pour me a drink.
- Bring it home, Dolly.
♪ Christmas is a time for angels ♪
- Okay it turns out becoming an angel very worth it
'cause the fashions, they look great.
- That dress is so cute.
(upbeat music)
(woman cries)
(woman claps)
- Well to be honest, I love Christmas,
but my boyfriend's Jewish
and I get better Hanukkah presents.
- Eight of them.
- You get presents every day.
It's amazing. - Yeah (chuckles).
- Well, this show had everything.
Rich people.
- Precocious bartenders getting hit by cars.
- Antiques.
- A trap door, lamp posts, secret babies.
- A midnight mass for
the earnest proclamation that I'm baby.
(woman laughs)
This movie has Jennifer Lewis, Christine Baranski,
the hot guy from "AJ and the Queen."
- Economic justice.
- And on top of everything,
this movie has Dolly Parton.
- So go ahead and check out Dolly Parton's
"Christmas on the Square," on Netflix. (cries)
- [Trixie] Don't forget to shine your light.
(mid-tempo classical music)