hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so this week let's
dive into codependency I think we're kind of on a little kick here with
codependency and I want to keep riding on that train because I think that it
does take some time some practice to be able to really heal from that kind of
stuff you know you one of the reasons why I created my nightly course was
because you have to know your own emotional wounds you have to know what
happened in my past that caused me to have this wound that allows me to have
these triggers so the triggers could be you know a woman could be a fear of
abandonment a shame mooned violation wound I mean I go on and on and on in
this program on each type of emotional wounds so as you learn about each one
you will definitely recognize is that me but codependency has a lot of different
wounds within it and so let's start really focusing on why are we still
stuck why are we not healing from codependency now before we get started
like always don't forget to click the subscribe button down below and also
comment down below if you yourself have worked on codependency and have healed
and what really works for you I would love to know your feedback so I think
the first thing is you kind of have to understand codependency and how it
really pertains to you every codependent person is completely different and what
is your drink of choice so to speak so what are the things within codependency
that you tend to do the most now if you are also an empath and codependent or
possibly highly sensitive then again that's gonna play a factor on what kind
of a codependent are you are you a codependent who sometimes will mistaken
feeling sorry for people for loving people and this is something that I know
I struggled with a lot in the past was almost like having pity for someone and
feeling bad for them because of what they're going through and not wanting to
see them suffer that I would just take it upon myself to come in and try to
like save the day so if that is kind of your drink of choice or your flavor that
you like to indulge in chances are you like to rescue people
you like to find the lost little puppy and just take it home and your problems
are my problems and I'm going to help you overcome what it is that you're
going through and helping others especially people that we really love
and care for is normal it's what makes you a human being that you have that
amount of empathy that you see someone suffering and you want to help them
where it becomes unhealthy is when you're doing too much for someone that
number one didn't ask for the help and number two doesn't value the help and
even if they really valued your help there still has to come a point where
you ask yourself should I be doing this right now is it good for me
and what I mean by that is you can't constantly be giving and giving to
someone else when you're not giving to yourself so when you know I really want
to help you but right now is not a good time because I need to do something for
myself in order to take care of myself that's you loving yourself that's you
putting yourself before someone else are there going to be times when you don't
do that absolutely if you're a parent chances are you're going to put your
child's needs ahead of your own that's a different example then you
putting someone else's needs your girlfriend your partner always before
yourself if you are still struggling with codependency then what happens is
maybe you are the person that goes above and beyond in terms of helping someone
you know not only are your problems my problems but I want to go so above and
beyond to help you because if I do then in my mind that's going to secure your
love for me you're never going to leave me because you're going to need me
because I do all of this for you and not only do I do it for you but I do it
really well or maybe I'm going above and beyond because I want to get a
validation I want to get praised I want to get love I want to get that
admiration from you and again a lot of these things are done unconsciously the
only way that you can really start healing is if you know number one when
you do certain things so you have to know you know understand what code
tendency is for you and what you do often and why do you do those things
once you really know that then you can kind of stop yourself before you begin
indulging in those habitual things and hey look at the end of the day if you
don't stop yourself and you were you know just going on autopilot and you do
something if after the fact you can recognize it then that's great you're
still gonna learn the lesson because not every single time you're gonna be
mindful 24 hours a day seven days a week for the rest of your life there's going
to be times where that old programming is gonna want to come forward and it's
going to and you're not going to be mindful and you're gonna do something
that the old you would have done the old codependent person would have done and
that's totally fine as long as after the fact you can recognize it not beat
yourself up because you didn't do something the way you wanted to do it
but just acknowledge okay I did that and next time I'm gonna be mindful and I'm
gonna ask myself questions before I just start doing things and the next thing
and this is something that I think I struggled with for a lot probably in my
childhood her teen years was feeling responsible for other people's moods and
how they felt so because of an empath it would always affect me more deeply if
someone was going through something so if they were upset if they were sad they
were frustrated whatever it was I felt uncomfortable with those feelings and I
wasn't taught how to just allow people to feel what they wanted to feel I no
one taught me how to be an empath and how to be able to deal with those things
no one also taught me how to just honestly remove myself from a situation
if something was overwhelming for me but that maybe impact maybe even
possibly ego of wanting to control others to get them out of a space was
something that I really struggled with and not is something that is definitely
a sign of codependency and so you kind of have to learn what are your triggers
what causes you to feel codependent and why are you codependent are you is it
fear of abandonment is wanting to be loved isn't wanting to
control everything a lot of the times codependence have really poor boundaries
so you feel guilty sometimes for speaking up for yourself or you almost
feel obligated just to do things for others when they don't ask they don't
value you they don't respect you they don't want help they want to sit in
their own mucky water perhaps so those are also examples of codependency if you
struggle with saying no um that wasn't really something that you spoke with
personally but I know a lot of codependence
really struggle with that they feel guilty for saying no because they feel
that obligation to do things for other people because maybe they fear you know
what are they gonna think of me maybe they'll think I'm not a nice person
maybe they'll abandon me maybe they'll reject me maybe they won't be okay with
me but your only job is sitting in the space of someone not being okay with you
it's not really as uncomfortable as people make it out to be a lot of the
times the stories that you tell yourself if you start breaking down all of these
stories you start to kind of realize that these stories aren't even true and
you don't actually even believe them they're just stories that you've told
yourself for so long that you think you believe them but if you start to break
them down they really have no strength so not saying something because you fear
someone will reject you if you broke that down why is that a bad thing
because someone gets upset with you that's something that maybe you feel or
you've told yourself time and time again that you can't handle you absolutely
can't handle it anyone that really loves you while they might be upset
because maybe they didn't get their way or you're not helping them or you said
no that's totally fine if they feel that way but those are their feelings and
that's their responsibility to move themselves out of those feelings and
understand why are they feeling that that has nothing to do with you that has
to do with the other person so if someone really loves and respects you
and you say no then you're going to really see who someone is so that's why
I always say not feeling guilty for saying no telling people what you think
and how you feel and what you need those are all things that you have to do
so you can see who are really the people that I surround myself with so
boundaries are extremely important and codependency and I mean many things are
important but a lot of the reasons when people get stuck it's because they don't
slow down their life to recognize okay when am i being codependent what type of
codependent am i and let me slow down my life let me slow down my interactions
with people and figuring out who in your life are you the most codependent with
and in what way so that way when you do have interactions with those people you
slow things down to make sure that you're staying very in tune with what
you think and how you feel and what you need and what is just habitually trying
to come up and what are you just naturally wanting to do for someone and
asking yourself should I do this why am I doing this really asking yourself
those questions because the problem is you don't have a real deep connection
with yourself so learning how to have your scent have a sense of self and
really be connected to your thoughts and your heart space and what it is that you
need every single day is where you begin to start to heal codependency and also
breaking down all of the stories that you tell yourself day in and day out as
to why you're doing something and giving yourself justification for going above
and beyond for recognizing okay I'm getting kind of knee deep in someone
else's problems and it doesn't have anything to do with me and I need to
take a step back and let that person figure that out for themselves that's
where you start to really heal is you have to do the day-to-day work you have
to slow down your life you have to slow down your mind you have to start having
that connection with yourself so wanting to know what you think and how you feel
and having that deep connection with yourself I mean that's essential that's
the only way you're gonna start being able to heal from this and really start
feeling better so allow yourself time to really work on this stuff the stuff
takes a while because you're trying to reprogram something so it is just become
habitual or robot like for you to do certain things think a certain way
in order to really heal and change and get better and get healthier you have to
take the time every single day to take those little steps so make it a point to
spend time every day to be more connected to yourself take care of
yourself every single day so what do I need today and that's going to allow me
to take care of myself either mentally emotionally spiritually or physically
you should be taken care of at least at least one part every single day resist
the urge try to fix people to control people to save the little lost puppy
because none of that is your responsibility you can help people but
you have to be able to recognize okay when do I have to stop now because why
why am I feeling the need to keep going and going because you're not being a
good friend a good family member a good partner if you don't allow people to
fall and to do things for themselves the last thing is and I say it all the time
affirmations affirmations affirmations if you don't like affirmations if you
don't want to look in a mirror and say I love myself that's totally fine although
I think you should but guided meditations you need to always be
feeding your mind so you can feed yourself good stuff so you can begin to
really heal yourself and feel good and make yourself a priority that's all
essential work so it's not just like one thing it's a lot of little things that
you're gonna do every single day so you can become more whole and healthy I hope
you have enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to comment down below and
also don't forget to check out any of my coaching options if you are looking for
a one-time session if you want to invest into one of my coaching programs if you
wanted to my online course all that information podcasts everything is
linked down below I will see you next week