Failing With Women In 2022 [0:00:00]
So, when it comes to dating, things are bad out there.
Seriously, some of you guys have reached out to saying, “Antonio, I’ve never seen it
this bad.”
And the research, it sort of backs up this opinion.
In fact, I just finished an article talking about how there have never been more single
lonely people out there.
That being said, there are rays of hope.
I just found this great thread over at Reddit.
It started a few days ago.
A guy simply asked the question, “For guys that were previously not having any luck with
women, what did you change that made all the difference?”
And there were thousands and thousands of comments.
And these were the best.
[Music] So, first up, I absolutely loved this question
because what it talked about are things that you can adjust, things that you can change
to all of a sudden start seeing positive results.
A lot of us we fall into this mindset of we want other people to change.
We want the women of the world to change and all of a sudden start approaching us, start
talking with us, start returning our calls when sometimes, you know, that’s just out
of our control.
But, what can you do?
And that’s what I loved about all these comments about these suggestions is they were
things actions that you can take as a guy right now in 2022.
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One of the top comments on this thread, one I one hundred percent agree with is the gentleman
said, “Start to take more risks, instead of overanalyzing everything.”
Seriously, anyone that’s been in the situation of having a crush of liking someone, wanting
to ask somebody out, somebody you just thought was cute at the coffee shop.
How many times have we over analyze this?
I know I’ve done this multiple times when I was out there single just dating.
You think of all these worst case scenarios.
You fall into this analysis paralysis and before you know it, the opportunity is gone.
Now, there was another top comment that basically said is there a process a way that you get
your brain to shut up and stop doubting you?
My favorite response to this was to stop counting them as failures and instead, count them as
practice.
View yourself like an archer, you’re simply just taking aim letting loose your shot and,
yes, hey, I was a little bit off to the left, I was little bit off to the right.
I completely missed on that one.
What do you do?
You don’t give up.
You keep practicing.
Now, one of the beautiful things about Reddit is that people really have some deep discussions.
Another gentleman said jumped in and said, “Hey, what if all your friends are archers
and you notice they are hitting the target right on that first shot?
They’re shooting and, boom, they are getting lucky, you’re getting nothing.”
Now, I definitely see this point of view.
We like to compare ourselves to others because it gives us an idea of where we stand.
But, the problem with comparison is it the death of happiness.
Some things are going to be easier for others, some things are going to be harder.
Sometimes it’s natural ability, sometimes it’s the situation.
Sometimes, yeah, they’re just things out of your control.
The next comment I found really useful, dude came in and said, “You know what?
I stopped listening to what people were saying and I started watching what they were doing.
I paid attention and started understanding non-verbal cues.”
Now, what are non-verbal cues?
Basically, this is body language.
This is everything, except for the fact that the things that we’re saying.
What’s interesting, you’ve had this happened.
Somebody said something, but they do something else.
Now, if you just listen to their words, well, obviously you’d be confused.
But, if you look at what they did, remember their mannerisms.
Have you ever had somebody just seem really nervous, they didn’t want to seem to be
around you.
And, yeah, I’ll see you later, but, of course, you don’t see them later.
What – I mean, you’ve got that feeling and this is one of those things that when
you start to look for, you start to pay attention to body language non-verbal cues, all of a
sudden, you can’t unsee it.
So, where to see body language, how to actually pick this up?
I do recommend reading books on the subject.
There’s some great YouTube channels out that they talk about body language, non-verbal
cues, how to actually understand that.
[0:04:59] But, one of the best things you can do is
simply go to an event where other people are at and just observe, watch.
Be that guy that’s hanging out in the corner just watching people and watch how they’re
interacting with others.
Notice how some people just seem back up from others.
Other people seem to draw other people and look at the body language, the way they cross
their hands, the way they’re feet are placed.
Does it look like this person wants to escape, that this person is open and they are very
much receiving information and talking to this other person?
Another comment I thought was powerful on how a guy started having better luck with
women, he learned to be able to carry a conversation.
Now, the art of being a good conversationalist can take years to master.
But, one of the easiest hacks to be able to simply get people to talk more and to like
you more therefore is to be curious about what they’re talking about.
You listen and you ask detailed questions based off of what that person just said.
Most people when they’re talking, they’re waiting for their turn to speak.
They’re not really listening or paying attention.
You can set yourself apart by listening to the other person and asking them to expand
on things they’re talking about.
Now, eventually hopefully, they turn over to you, but even if they don’t, they’ll
come away from that conversation really liking you wanting to feel better about this guy
that actually listened to them.
Now, they don’t realize they stalked 90-95% of the conversation, you just asked them great
questions, but this person just feels closer to you because you now know more about them.
Now, this next gentleman was a man after my own heart and he said basically changing my
fashion and haircut was helpful.
I used to wear huge tickets, too big a jeans, too large a suits, too large a shirts.
If you’ve got a regular body build, wear clothing that fits you.
Don’t trust your mom.
And that last part about trusting your mom was funny because there are so many guys that
jumped in who apparently were getting fashion advice from their moms and they’re like,
yeah, don’t listen, go in and talk to somebody actually that understands style the best dressed
person you know, ask them to evaluate your look.
And that solid advice to get input from somebody that knows what they’re talking about and
knows what they’re looking for.
Just because she’s a woman does not mean that she’s going to be able to give you
good style advice.
My tips on this would be actually to seek out the best looking guy at your office and
get tips from him because he’s also going to know where you should shop.
He’s also going to know where you should shop.
He’s going to maybe be able to recommend you go see a particular barber.
The guy talked about a haircut.
I always recommend make an appointment with the best barber or stylist in your area.
Cheat on your existing barber.
Yeah, you’ve gone to the same guy since you were 12, let’s change it up a bit.
Let’s go to a stylist, let’s go to somebody that is going to maybe want to do some highlights,
do something different.
And, when you get that really nice haircut that was maybe two to three times more expensive
than what you normally spend, ask them how to replicate the look that you so much like
when you’re looking in the mirror.
Did they use heat?
What products did they use?
Could you buy those products?
These small things do make a difference.
Now, this next comment, absolutely love it.
It was deep philosophical and it’s not something a lot of people think about, it’s all about
timing.
So, the one guy said, “You know what?
You could be the best person in the world, but it’s just not a right fit for her, not
a right time.
She could be the most amazing girl in the world, but you just simply aren’t into her.
And guess what?
Both of those situations are fine.”
Another person summed it up by saying, “You could be the sweetest peach on the tree, but
if they’re not into peaches, you’re out of luck.”
And perhaps my favorite comment down this path is that you could be the whole package.
You could be the whole shebang.
You could be perfect, but delivered to the wrong address.
When you think about that it’s about timing, it’s about chemistry.
There’s so much that goes into a relationship and if it’s off, it’s off.
And most importantly, if it’s off, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Now, this next comment seems obvious, but it needs to be said because that entire post
was littered with comments about people that had improved the look of their body, going
to the gym changing their diet.
One guy is like, “You know, I’m 130.
I was 135 lbs, I started going to the gym, put on 20 lbs of muscle.
Went from skinny to fit muscular and all of a sudden, it’s like people noticed me for
the first time.”
Tons of other guys are jumping in there saying, I lost 20 lbs, I lost 50 lbs.
I stopped drinking Coca Cola every single day with a mean, all of a sudden, I was able
to lose some of that weight.
They’re not saying they have to have six pack abs, they’re saying all of a sudden
losing that bit of weight gave them more confidence.
They stood by it, they were going to the gym.
I talked about this before.
Simply going to the gym in the morning even with one workout, your shoulders are going
to roll back.
You’re going to feel better about yourself.
Yeah, you may be a little bit sore, but people are going to notice, there’s something.
You’re going to have more blood rush to your skin.
You’re going to look more alive.
Guys, make it a habit take care of yourself, take care of this one body you got.
And I know we talked about confidence earlier, but I wanted to bring up this great comment.
A gentleman said, “I redefined confidence.
It used to be I was confident that I wouldn’t get rejected.
And then, I realized confidence was knowing that if I got rejected, I could pick myself
up and be fine.”
[0:09:55] Now, this next comment, I didn’t expect
to go in the direction it did.
A gentleman said, “I calmed down.”
And he talked about how all of a sudden women started coming to him more, just life was
easier.
And a lot of people said, “Well, what do you mean by calm down?
How do you calm down?”
The guy responds back, “I stopped doing drugs.
I stopped drinking.
I stopped smoking.
Porn, sugar, using electronics, coffee, all those things that were over stimulating me,
I cut back on.”
He said he started exercising, eating right, reading books before going to bed, spending
more time with people just having conversations.
I mean, it seems pretty obvious and I’m, you know, I’m not saying that you got to
– this was a big change and there were so many points packed into this.
But, I like how he called this calming down because he pointed out that there are so many
things in our lives that are over stimulating us and to be able to pull back on that stimulation,
a big deal.
The next comment, a lot of these guys made, they stopped viewing women as objects as things
to be won and started just simply treating them like they would treat anyone else.
One guy said in particular, “I plugged myself into female dominated school, club, and work
and I started to get to know and treat them just like my bros.”
Another gentleman chimed in and said, “The single best thing is to treat women like regular
people, rather than trying to put them on a pedestal.”
Now, I know some of you guys are thinking this is obvious, but how many women friends
do you actually have?
I know in my early 20s throughout my mid-20s, I had almost none.
My sisters were my only friends, but I don’t know if you count sisters because when I was
in a male dominated environment, the United States Marine Corps infantry in particular,
I mean, there were just no female marines is what we call them.
I mean, it’s just the way we would treat women was very – I would say very sexist
in the Marine Corps.
Even in college, I didn’t have any female friends.
I’m referring to women still as females.
Point being is it wasn’t until I started my business journey and started mastermind
groups and purposely sought out to bring in women who are smarter than me in many different
areas in business that I realized I can actually have platonic friendships with women and not,
you know, I always felt that I couldn’t have friendships with women because there
will always be that sexual attraction.
And, well, you know, even if there is, it doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
It doesn’t mean that you need to – and starting to realize that I could actually
enjoy these friendships, these relationships opened up a whole another world to me and
I’m sure I’m not alone.
And this comment I absolutely love.
The gentleman said, “You know what?
I was boring.
I made myself more interesting.”
And, of course, there are follow up questions specifically how did you make yourself more
interesting?
Hobbies kept popping up.
Being able to talk about things that you love doing with passion.
And I know from other research I’ve read, women doesn’t really matter what you talk
about, but if you talk about it with passion, if you can go into details, if they see that
you’re into something, they are attracted to that type of guy.
Now, this next one may sound counterintuitive, but stay with me and that is to lower your
standards.
So, I got a good friend, he has such high standards for women.
He feels they have to be under certain age, they’ve got to have a certain body type,
certain build, certain look and, yeah, he’s going for nines out of tens.
And he has had no luck for years.
You may say, okay, well, I don’t want to lower my standards.
But, here’s where you don’t understand is you’ve casting a wider net because who
is in her networks?
Who all of a sudden could she introduce you to?
And just a quick story about my wife.
I met my wife because I was with another person.
No, I wasn’t dating that other person, but I was hanging out with her.
And she was cool, she was very attractive and all of a sudden, I met another one of
her attractive friends.
Because here’s the deal is, yes, that woman you’re talking with hanging out with doing
stuff, yeah, she may not be just simple friendship.
But, what’s her sister like?
What is her best friend or a friend of her friend?
Now, this could end up – I, you – you may lose that relationship, but you build
and you find another one, find actually what you’re looking for, guys.
So, don’t be afraid, again, just to simply cast that wider net by engaging and doing
things with more people, putting yourself out there.
All right, gents.
So now, I want to hear from you.
What change did you make that all of a sudden improved your dating life?
Was it going to the gym?
Was it dressing better?
Was it simply working on yourself to become a better person?
What was it?
Let me know in the comments below.
So, what video to watch next?
How about why men are giving up on modern dating?
Honestly, there’s a lot of pitfalls a lot of problems out there.
And in this video, I discuss – we actually bring in, again, if you enjoy today’s video,
you’re going to love this one.
Solid video, guys.
Go check it out.
I’ll link to it down in the comments below.
[0:14:22] End of audio