-Why -- Why -- Why do you say these things?
-Why do I do -- Why do I do what?
-These superlatives -- you never use superlatives
when you're introducing a comedian.
-Wait. What do you mean? -Never.
-You said -- Whatever you said at the beginning,
the greatest something or other. -Yeah.
-There's no greatest anything, first of all.
-Well, I don't know. It's --
-And there's no greatest comedian.
-No, I was hinting at it. -Yeah, and I know, but --
-The idea of -- of maybe you being one of the greats.
-No.
-Doesn't that make you feel good?
-No, no. -Yeah, you're up there --
you're on the top 200 list. -I don't --
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, that would be better --
"This guy is definitely in the top 200."
[ Laughter ]
That -- that's a nice -- -You want me to --
that would be the intro for you?
-You always undersell a comedian.
-Yeah, don't -- Yeah, 'cause if you say, like,
"You're going to be blown away with this magic trick."
-Right. Right. -And the guy doesn't -- Yeah.
-First of all, nobody is really that funny.
We're all -- comedy is just like food.
It's like, I like this -- you like that.
Nobody -- there's no one comedian that everybody likes.
There is no such thing.
-I think tonight you are the person that everyone likes.
-Okay, stop it. Stop it. -That's right.
-Please. [ Cheers and applause ]
-You got to know to do it. That's how you do it.
-They're not gonna like me now. Now they won't like me --
-Jerry -- Jerry, they are gonna like you.
They're gonna -- First of all, happy Thanksgiving.
-Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Can we start that? Happy Thanksgiving.
-I love Thanksgiving. [ Cheers and applause ]
-No, do you really? -I do. I love it.
-You love Thanksgiving? -I love --
well, first of all, the idea of it is nice.
You know, it's just a general -- [ Laughter ]
What is funny about that? -Well --
-Maybe I am one of the greatest of all time.
I can't believe that got a laugh.
-Got a laugh already. [ Laughter ]
No, but it is, I guess --
-I love the idea of giving thanks.
It's like that should be your life.
Gratitude should be the attitude.
[ Laughter ]
-Now you're, like, in, like, the bumper-sticker business.
[ Laughter ]
You go -- You sit around -- You're like --
How's the family doing?
-Oh, they're great. They're great.
-You have three teenagers, right, now?
-Well, not really. -Oh, the boys --
I have two teens and one younger than that.
-Yeah. -But it's great, three kids.
-And they like Thanksgiving, too?
-Oh, yeah, everybody loves Thanks--
who doesn't love Thanksgiving?
You eat. You get together.
You know, you kind of pretend you all like each other.
[ Light laughter ] It's fun. It's nice.
-But do they still like you as teenagers?
Do they still like Dad? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven't had that teenage experience
that everybody talks about. -Yeah, everyone tells me that.
-No, no, I have not had that.
What they do is, they have their words that they use,
you know, little weapon words.
"Chill" is a weapon word that kids --
[ Laughter ] Have you experienced this?
You say to your kid, "How you doing?"
And they go, "Chill, Dad. Chill."
[ Laughter ] I just said, "How you doing?"
-Yeah. -"Just chill."
-"Just chill, man." -"Chill."
-You came in a little too hot.
-They're very condescending -- yeah, coming in too hot.
[ Laughter ]
-Coming in too hot with that, "How you doing?"
-Yeah. -"Just chill. Take it --"
It's so embarrassing. -"Just chill," yeah.
-"Oh, I'm sorry I was so --" -"Come down. I'm cool.
Come down to my level." [ Laughter ]
-Do you watch the same things they watch on TV?
Like, do you -- do you relate to those things?
-No, I don't watch the shows.
I know everybody got -- has their show.
You know what I mean? You got your show.
[ Laughter ] Do you have a show?
Are you watching a show?
-Yeah, I watch -- Yeah, I watch the -- Yeah,
I watch a show. "The Challenge" on MTV is my show.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, right. -Yeah, I love --
-I don't have a show. I don't -- I don't have a show.
I know you love your show. -You don't watch a show on TV?
You don't have a show?
-No, I don't know how people watch these shows.
It's so -- too long. -"Stranger Things 2?"
-No. [ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, I know, I know. -It's a show. That's a show!
-I know that's a show. I know it's a great show.
-You got to get a show. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] I know people -- they --
they wander around their workplaces, trying to --
-You don't have one show? -No.
-You never did, like, "Game of Thrones" --
nothing, you never got into them?
-I -- I'm sure it's great. -I know.
-I don't -- I don't have 90 hours with nothing to do.
I don't know how people do it.
-You don't have one thing you go,
"You know what? That kind of interests me."
Okay, you know what? I'll tell you my favorite show.
The Flex Seal infomercial late at night.
[ Laughter ] -What?
-Flex Seal. -This is so --
-If you don't know what Flex Seal is,
it is a can of black goo for $14.99.
If you have a leak, if you have a drip,
if you have a hole in your roof, you -- just get it, okay?
[ Laughter ] Just get Flex Seal.
There is nothing that this product cannot do.
They have a spokesman... -I think it --
-...Phil Swift, who is so -- has so much energy.
-How do you know Phil Swift?
-I wish I knew him.
I just watch him on TV. [ Laughter ]
-I know this guy's crazy. -No.
-He's like -- has like a bowie knife and a bucket --
-Yeah, yeah, he attacks the bucket, yeah.
-Attacking the bucket! And he's like --
He's -- He's grunting, and he's laughing about it.
-Yeah, yeah. He's got a weight problem,
so he's very believable and relatable.
[ Laughter ]
And he comes on, and...it's the greatest.
Now, there's two -- there's two different Flex Seals.
There's a 30 second in prime,
and then there's a 30 -- there's a half-hour one late at night,
which is way better.
[ Laughter and applause ] 'Cause that one --
-Oh, my -- You're not gonna get me to watch your show.
-No, that's the one. -You're trying to get --
That's the one? It's, like, the best?
-Yeah, a lot more demonstrations,
a lot more depth in the Flex Seal.
[ Laughter ] So my problem --
-I love that your show is "Flex Seal."
-Here's my Flex Seal problem --
I don't have anything leaking, anywhere.
-You don't have a leak? -So, no, I have no leak,
and I've looked everywhere,
under everything, behind everything --
'cause I want to be part of what they're doing.
-Yeah, you want to be able to seal something.
-I want to get it. I want to seal something.
-Yeah. -And so I daydream --
I daydream that -- you know, I fantasize that
I accidentally bought a boat
that has a screen door in the bottom.
I don't know why. [ Laughter ]
I don't know why I bought it. -The whole thing --
This is a nightmare. -This is my dream.
-What would you do?
-I don't know why they built a boat like that.
I don't know how I didn't notice it.
-How did you end -- -I bought it.
I bought this boat. It's got a screen door.
-That would be one of the first things they would bring up.
-You would think. -Yeah.
And then what do you do? -But I got Flex Seal.
Then I get Flex Seal. -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And then I seal it. -And then keep applying --
-And then I'm zipping across the Everglades...
[ Laughter ]
...where I'm gonna hang out... -In a swamp --
-...with Phil Swift later on that day.
-With Swift, yeah. [ Laughter ]