Vanilla Ice as a character was interesting. Because while you have all of these other "enemy
stand users" who have to be a bit more cunning to get it over the Crusaders, you have this
powerhouse of a man.
"Cream" is easily one of the strongest stands in JoJo,
but it would take one small change to ensure its greatness against fiction entirely.
So, let's use the jojowiki to explain this because, why not, like, it's good.
"Cream can become a portal to a void-like dimension, which Vanilla Ice mainly uses to
disintegrate everything in its path and hide in. When entering its void state,
Cream is invulnerable and almost undetectable as it exists in another dimension."
In an even lesser explanation, Cream is a big ball of nothing that you can't find that will
also take you to nowhere. The only significant problem is the biggest, and that's the fact that
"Vanilla Ice" cannot sense his surroundings and has to get a good look around to be able to see
first. Now you may be asking, "Kaleb, is that the one small change you're making?" And then I'd say,
"Yes, viewer, because what else would I want to do with Vanilla Ice besides making better Cream."
[Pause]
THE STAND! THAT'S THE NAME OF THE STAND! FOCUS! YOU'RE LOSING THE PLOT!
So, let's think about this! With the ability to see,
Vanilla Ice could wrap up Stardust Crusaders at the very beginning!
"Hoho- Vanilla Ice, I need you to go to Japan and take care of these blasted Joestars."
"I did it"
"Oh... Wait, what the f-"
Because what do you do after that? That's like sending in Itachi to take out team
7 at the beginning of Naruto. Or maybe not because after the existence of the war arc,
Zabuza and Haku got points on the board, so how strong is early Naruto now? Anyways.
Let's just continue from the arc where we meet the Iceman. So, Avdol, Iggy,
and Polnareff are dead now. Vanilla Ice is alive,
and he meets up with Dio. The remaining Crusaders come up in their dramatic way, posing and all.
"DIO, YOU WILL BE STOPPED." And then Dio's like, "Ello governor,
I'm going to destroy you Joestars!" Because he's British, and we forget that a lot. "But
before I do! Vanilla Ice! Do what you will!" And then the Iceman takes them all out.
Dio being successful means he's achieving "Heaven," but Vanilla Ice still being alive
means that there's a love triangle for Dio. But regardless, Dio wins in the end.
Now, we can drop this version of Cream into any part, and unless they get the drop on
Vanilla Ice before activating his "stand," it might be scary hours. And don't forget
that Dio turned him into a vampire before going after the Crusaders. By this point,
he'd be a complete vampire, which means he has access to regeneration when there's blood nearby.
Drop him in Morioh! Italy! Florida! Where else, man? There's no check or counter for this ability
now. The only way you're getting it over him is effectively destroying him in one go. Now,
you may be thinking, wait! We can use Kira! The only way that Kira is taking Vanilla Ice is if
he somehow knows about him, his ability, and where he's going to be. And that's completely
impractical. An actual interaction between the two would be Kira trying to strike first,
Vanilla Ice blocking it, and then demolishing him. Kira's track record is getting embarrassed
by Koichi, smacked by Jotaro, exposed by Hayato, smacked by Josuke, and dying to an ambulance!
Do you think a blonde American Psycho is going to take out an
elite mercenary hired by the god of the underworld? Come on, man, be real.
Now, as for comparisons, with parts 1 through 6, this version of Vanilla Ice should still lose to
"Gold Experience Requiem" and "Made in Heaven." After that, I think it is legitimately up in the
air whose next. Dio could stop time before Vanilla Ice gets into his stand, but by this point,
he wouldn't be an incomplete vampire. So, whatever single hit Dio is capable of,
Vanilla Ice can most likely survive and then hide in Cream after. That goes the same for Diavolo,
too, because while he can predict his attack, he doesn't have enough
to one-shot Vanilla Ice. Meanwhile, Ice needs to activate his stand, and the game is over.
The best thing you can do against the Iceman now is to prevent him from activating his stand. Blitz
him, reverse time and blip him, maybe throw an illusion in the mix, but I don't see why
he'd come out of the safety of his stand to investigate an illusion. Now obviously,
more grand abilities exist across fiction, like acausal beings and stuff like that, but you should
know that doesn't apply here because I've already established who he doesn't beat in the franchise.
Cream with the ability to see the real world
might just solo your favorite characters. Godspeed everyone!