- Hi, everyone.
In today's video, we are going to be talking
about what a break from reality actually feels like.
- No, not that kind of break from reality. (laughing)
(light music)
Hi, everyone and welcome back
to the Living Well With Schizophrenia channel.
My name is Lauren and I make videos about what it's like
to live with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder,
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Okay, so, schizophrenia is kind of defined
as split mind.
What this means kind of is like the mind is breaking
from reality, and that's often a common definition
of what schizophrenia or what psychosis is.
I think it's important to kinda differentiate, though,
that this can include things like hallucinations
and symptoms like that,
where you are seeing things or hearing things
or feeling or smelling or tasting or what not
things that aren't really there
and you're experiencing hallucinations like that.
But I think there is a difference, for me, anyway,
between experiencing hallucinations
and experiencing a bigger break from reality.
When I'm talking about having
this bigger break from reality,
that is typically what I'm referring to
when I say that I am in the throes of psychosis.
Hopefully this video will shed a bit more light
on what I mean when I say that in our other videos.
I suppose, getting right into it,
what this kinda feels like is,
you are experiencing the same world,
but it almost feels like it's a parallel universe
of some kind, or that's what it feels like for me.
Where you are experiencing the same stimuli,
mostly, you might be experiencing hallucinations as well,
but you're experiencing the same world,
but it's something has shifted
in how you are experiencing it.
And it feels almost like a different narrative
is being woven or just something is different
about the way you are experiencing life.
And when I am in this altered state of reality,
it's very hard to remember
the way I used to experience reality
and it feels like this is just the way it has always been,
this is the way it always will be.
And it can feel a little unnerving and scary
because I know that something is off
and I know that something is not quite fitting right
within how I'm experiencing the world,
which is maybe why it's a little bit scary
and often more negative delusions are woven
into this experience.
So perhaps a helpful analogy to kind of
help you understand what this might feel like
for someone who is experiencing a break from reality is
the state of dreaming.
Where you are in the dream
and on some level, you know that it can't be real,
but you are so enmeshed in the experience of your dream
that you just take it as it is
and it must be the way it is.
It must be real if you are all of a sudden an astronaut.
You don't really question,
"Well, did I train to become an astronaut
or does this make sense?
Is this feasible?"
You're just like, "Okay, yeah, I'm an astronaut."
And I think that similar kind of delusion
comes into play when someone is experiencing
a psychotic break from reality.
Also, when you're dreaming,
you kind of take reference points that make sense to you
in your life and it's often populated
by people you know and places you know.
And it feels like you're experiencing
your normal reality, even though it is altered in some way.
That is kind of the root
of how breaks from reality feel for me.
Where I am experiencing the world,
well, I'm not experiencing the world,
I am perceiving regular things in the world
that I typically perceive,
but it almost feels like it's a parallel universe
version of it.
Where different things are just kind of altered
or I am experiencing regular stimuli in a different way.
So, when I am in this altered state of reality,
it can take on different forms.
It can take on different kind of experiences,
but a common one that I experience
is kinda like the persecutory delusions
enmeshing in that altered state of reality.
Where I feel like everyone is kind of out to get me
or following me or the police are following me
to bring me, I don't know, to the hospital,
I don't know, to harm me in some way.
And that is the altered state of reality
that I'm experiencing where everyone is kind of against me.
And I'm still seeing everyone and interacting with everyone,
but there's this different tinge to our interactions.
Because it's like this like blanket of delusion
has been lowered over my experience of the world.
So you can imagine that this experience, for me, is scary,
in that everyone you're interacting with
has this kind of like ulterior motive
and they're out to get you and trying to harm you,
but they're covering it up in the way
they're interacting with you.
And that is how I perceive the world often
when I'm in this altered state of reality,
this break from reality.
And it can be very scary and isolating.
I think, to bring it back to the dream analogy,
when you're in the dream,
you don't really question the ridiculousness
of aspects of the dream.
You just kinda go with it and you take it as it is,
until you wake up, and then you're like,
"Wow, that was ridiculous.
I don't know why I went along with that
and believed that was real.
What was I thinking?"
And it's kind of the same when you come out
of the break from reality,
when you come out of psychosis.
Where it's like, "What was I thinking?
Did that really happen?
Is that, was that, could that have happened?
Did I really think like that?"
And you know, oftentimes, for me anyway,
it's not a stark beginning point and end point
of this break from reality.
It's kind of a gradual phase into this altered state
of reality where just little things keep changing
until it gets bigger and bigger and bigger
and it just feels like a completely different experience
of the world.
And likewise, coming out of it is also a gradual process
where usually, it's initiated by changing medication
or going back on medication.
Where things kind of start shifting
to be a little bit more back to the way they were,
but this is a very confusing period
where it's like,
"Well, this is what the reality that I was holding onto,
but now I'm experiencing a reality
that I think I experienced before."
And it's a very disorienting period of time.
Something that has also happened for me
when I am in this state of broken reality
or altered reality is,
I kind of forget
who I identified as before.
And my understanding of who I am becomes affected.
And I think that's a disorienting
and kind of scary experience too to all of a sudden
not know who you are and how you fit into the world.
So, for me, it's not like a break from reality
means I'm in this kaleidoscopic alternate universe world.
It's just that I'm in kind of a parallel universe
where everything is as it typically is,
but the way I'm experiencing it is altered.
And perhaps there's different narratives woven in
or delusions kind of woven in to how I'm experiencing
the world around me.
For me, personally, this has led me
to question reality a lot more
and to, I guess, broaden my understanding,
maybe not understanding, I don't know, speculation
about what reality is, if there is reality.
And I think that this kind of train of thought
and these experiences are why people with schizophrenia
often question reality.
So again, what I've shared in this video
are my own experiences with breaking from reality
and with psychosis.
If you have other experiences or experiences
to add to this, we would love to hear about them
in the comments below.
So I hope this video helped to increase your understanding
about what a break from reality can look like
or what it can actually mean.
If you wanna see more videos from us,
make sure to subscribe and also just a quick reminder
to check out the link to our Patreon page
if you'd like to help support us
in creating these videos.
Thank you so much for watching and as always,
wishing you and your loved ones good health.
See you in the next video, bye.