Can we just admit that everything bad in the world has come from Twitter?
We can, right?
Literally everything bad that’s happened within the past couple of years can be traced
back to Twitter in some way or another.
It’s full of misinformation, toxic people, and just--
What I’m trying to say here is that it’s my favorite app, okay I love Twitter.
But what I don’t love, are Twitter ads.
Trying to make a list of everything wrong with Twitter is like trying to fit an apology
into a single Tweet.
I’m going to need more space.
[LIL NAS X SCROLL] But, if I had to pick something from the top of the list, promoted tweets
are definitely in the top . . . 500.
People and companies are paying for their tweets to show up in your feed, even if you
don’t follow them.
You know if you listen to a hundred songs on the radio, then maybe 10 or 20 will be
really good.
Well, promoted tweets are a kind of a statistical anomaly.
For every several hundred promoted tweets, all several hundred of them are really bad.
And also I think some of them are illegal?
But we’ll get into that later.
Point is, promoted tweets bad.
So of course I had people send me a bunch of them on Twitter and now we’re going to
look at them anyway.
So this first promoted tweet is from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger.
As you can see, he’s verified on Twitter, and I’m not.
That’s not relevant info, I’m literally just jealous.
“Heart this tweet if you want to live . . . and get Terminator content before anyone else”.
Well jokes on you Mr. Schwarzenegger, I don’t want Terminator content before anyone else,
or to live.
Why would I want Terminator content before anyone else when I don’t even want that
after anyone else?
I don’t want that at any point in time.
Who asked for a 6th Terminator movie.
Probably the same people who didn’t verify me on Twitter.
10 rules if you want to act like an a-hole team member.
Wait, 10 rules if you WANT to act like an a-hole team member?
Why would—okay first of all, I’m pretty sure I can do that without a tutorial, thank
you very much.
Secondly, I’m definitely clicking into this.
1.
Don’t listen to feedback.
2.
Ignore new things.
3.
Make fun of people who make mistakes.
4.
Don’t feel responsible for what you do.
I think we got clickbaited because this is just a YouTuber checklist.
When my dietitian first told me about this trend, I didn’t think it was possible.
Your dietitian is telling you about weight loss trends on the internet . . . and you're
still paying them?
You could do that yourself.
What else did your dietician get from the internet?
Their degree?
Surprisingly, just 4 weeks later I went down a size.
So your pants are no longer loose, meaning you now fit them . . . so you gained weight.
Hmm.
I guess when you didn’t think this trend was possible, you were right.
Okay so this next one, this gentleman just . . . promoted his own profile picture as
an ad.
I mean he does look sharp, let’s be honest.
This would definitely encourage me to purchase a product, like a blindfold.
Wait, his name is Aslan?
Isn’t that the lion’s name from Chronicles of Narnia?
And the lion can shapeshift, right?
How do we know that this isn’t him?
Okay I’m scared.
I was there when it was written.
He’s staring into my soul and I don’t like it.
If I’m completely unwilling to do any soul-searching, I’m definitely not letting someone else
search my soul.
Okay so this nest ad features a whale’s entire . . . I didn’t even know whales had—well
they are mammals.
Not today.
Now this next one, I had three separate Kool-Aid tweets sent to me.
Why is Kool-Aid promoting so many Kool-Aid tweets?
Who’s their social media manager, Jim Jones?
That’s not funny.
All three of these ads say “Oh Yeah”.
Listening to Oh Yeah Anthem for—wait is this a song?
It doesn’t even have a thousand views.
I’m moving to Jonestown.
This next person promoted a Tweet that has a bunch of hashtags but no image or explanation
whatsoever because the image didn’t embed because they tried to promote a Facebook post
. . . on Twitter.
This person is either really bad at social media, or really, really good.
But considering the fact that they’re using Facebook it’s probably the former.
She cheated on her man when he was deployed, so when he got revenge—wait, you expect
me to believe that this person was ever in the military?
Must have been the Coast Guard.
And wait even more, is that Laura Lee?
How do you think she would feel if she knew people were using her images in fake articles
like “Woman Had an Affair”.
That’s tough.
What would you do to win a lifetime supply of Klondike bars?
Nothing.
I don’t want that.
Klondike bars don’t taste good.
The only Klondike I want is dog, Klondike.
Look at him.
I would rather eat him than a Klondike bar.
This next one is from a doctor.
No one, at the end of their career, ever told me “I wish I saw one more client.....”.
Many people have told me...
I wish I didn’t miss so many dinners at home when the kids were growing up...
I wish I saw more little league games...
Spend time with hashtag family...
While you can.
Aww.
Is this a threat?
Like, I can’t read the tone, I can’t tell if he’s like “Spend time with (hashtag)
family while you can” or if he’s like “SPEND TIME WITH HASHTAG FAMILY . . . while
you Can”.
Why is he threatening people?
This man didn’t take the Hippocratic oath, he took the hypocritical oath.
He’s not sending you to the pharmacy, you’re going to the harmacy.
I mean, what’s he going to do, take my brain out?
He’s just a neurosurgeon . . . oh.
Not today.
Here are 50+ life hacks that you’ll wish you knew years ago, for example you can use
a knife . . . to cut food.
Man, I wish I knew that years ago.
Looks like I can finally stop cutting my ham sandwiches with a hand saw.
Finally.
Here we have someone that promoted a tweet that just says “hi”.
And it got 128 likes.
You know what, I’m going to go tweet “hi” by itself and it doesn’t get at least 128
likes . . . I’m going to make you all listen to the Koolaid song.
This person felt the need to promote this in people’s feeds.
You must be breaking up, because I don’t hear broke.
Imagine trying to flex on someone when you’re sitting in the passenger seat.
You know, just put the one dollar bills down and let your mom drive you back from the ATM
in peace.
Tsukasa has to sell her body to her debt collector Reiko to pay off her father’s loans.
I mean at this point, we have to click it.
You know what, we really didn’t have to click that, did we?
This twitter ad was promoted by the mushroom council.
Wait, there’s a whole council?
Why am I not on it?
Wow.
Connect with other mushroom lovers.
Wait, they mean legal mushrooms?
Nevermind, it’s not what I thought it was.
Hysterical School Pictures.
This Is Way Too Much.
You know people who capitalize the first letter of every word, I can’t help but hear their
tweets as if it’s they’re being read by Loki.
I’m Loki, you may have heard of me.
I like how it says “this is way too much” but in the second picture she’s literally
just . . . slightly leaning forward.
Like, what is this, the 1800s?
I can see a quarter of an inch of your leg, that is way too much.
Next you’ll be asking for the right to vote.
Preposterous.
I would click on this link, but seeing as it starts with “IDVJNAVQ . Drivepedia . Com"
. . . Not today.
My office uses, BirdEye and I love it.
It is a great way to get review numbers up.
Ohhhh, review botting, okay.
See now we’re getting into the “I’m not sure if it’s legal but it doesn’t
personally seem legal to me” category.
That’s great.
Is your business bad.
Did you make a bad product that’s getting bad reviews and you should feel bad?
Well . . . don’t.
My office uses Birdeye.
Birdeye: why make a good product when you can just pay for good reviews.
Former Starbucks employees spill the beans on what it’s like to work there.
Ha, get it?
They serve coffee.
And they’re spilling the beans.
What does it mean if your barista has a black apron.
It means they work there.
If they’re wearing a Starbucks apron it’s safe to assume it means they work at Starbucks.
What does it mean if your footlocker employees are dressed like a referee.
It means their law degree didn’t work out.
Don’t leave money on the table!
You could be paying too much for your mortgage and may be able to lower your monthly payment.
Okay so according to this ad, if you have a 30 year mortgage, then you’re going to
be like Donald Trump, and nobody wants to be like Donald Trump.
But if you have a 15 year fixed mortgage, then you’re going to be like . . .
also Donald Trump and who wouldn’t want to be Donald Trump?
Me.
Can I just skip the mortgage and never or not become Donald Trump altogether?
That’s my preference.
Enter now for a chance to win a MacBook Air, iPad Pro, Galaxy S10, or 1 of 100 all-new
PowerPort mini chargers.
See when they were offering me a free $1,000 laptop, and a $1,000 phone, and a $1,000 tablet,
I was like no thank you, I don’t need that garbage.
But when I found that I could possibly win . . . only 1 PowerPort III mini charger, I
had to sign up.
Nevermind, the competition already ended.
And then finally we have this promoted ad from World War Rising.
Download World War Rising Free and earn a $25 Amazon gift card when you reach command
center level 12.
Okay is it just me, or does this . . . not seem like a scam whatsoever.
Who is this?
Riley?
“Time is a luxury we don’t have”.
Yeah I agree, let’s just skip to the part where I reach command center level 12 and
get my giftcard.
Nevermind, the game crashed on five different occasions within fifteen minutes before eventually
freezing my entire phone, so.
That’s reat.
So, what did we learn today.
Promoted tweets are a space that anybody can join, people and companies alike, and therein
lies the problem.
Anyway, looks like I’ve gotten ten minutes of content out this, so leave a like, tell
me what you think, and subscribe if you haven’t already.
Thank you for watching, and a big thank you to my 196,000 subscribers.
Okay bye.