When a man pulls away
it can be a very frustrating
and hurtful experience
but if you're not mindful of how to handle it,
there are some mistakes that
you may do or have done.
And so, I'm going to now tell you
the five mistakes women make
when men pull away.
I'm Stephan Labossiere
your certified life and relationship coach
here to give you dating and relationship advice.
Today is going to be
dating advice for women, all right.
And as always before we get into the topic
be sure to like this video,
subscribe to this channel,
share this video, and as always
comment below have you experienced
a man just pulling away?
What has been your story
share with us or just say yes or no if it happened to you,
but again, let's get into these
five mistakes women make.
Now listen, when I say
five mistakes women make
that doesn't mean I'm trying to make it your fault
or put the responsibility on you
with the... In regards to him pulling away.
However, I've seen these situations
go left or go more left, all right,
because clearly they already took a wrong turn.
And not knowing how to handle it
cannot only just make things worse
as far as the potential of that specific situation,
but how you move forward from there
and how you're able to bounce back
and now receive a better opportunity
for it to come your way, all right.
So, with that said, let's get into it.
Number one mistake
women make when men pull away.
Oh, and real quick,
there's various reasons why men will pull away.
There's a video I have
about five reasons why men pull away.
The link you'll see it flash on the screen,
click that if you want to watch that,
but be sure to watch this first, all right.
So, you understand the mistakes and then go understand
the reasons why the man even pulls away,
but let's just focus on the mistakes.
So, number one mistake
that women make when a man pulls away,
not expressing how you feel.
Now, this was very important for me to say
because I saw a few videos
on this topic
that mention
the mistake being telling him how you feel
that it is wrong, all right.
Or a bad decision to make
to express how you feel to him.
And some of you may agree,
but I'm here to tell you that is wrong.
You should express how you feel.
Understand this,
from the position of a coach me, all right.
One of the biggest issues
in relationships and dating
is lack of communication.
There are so many individuals
who are making assumptions of what happened,
what's going on and reacting off of that
rather than gaining clarity
or giving clarity in the situation.
And it's that lack of communication
that creates confusion,
the confusion creates chaos,
and then the whole thing blows up.
So, you have some situations where
two people could have easily resolved the problem
by simply talking about it
or by simply having known
how the other person felt.
But because that did not occur
there is no resolution,
but not only is there not a resolution
or the forwarding of that relationship,
the individual who has not expressed themselves
is more than likely now going to
carry damage,
emotional baggage with them.
Because you have now suppressed your emotions,
suppressed your feelings,
and you're carrying that with you
to the next situation.
That's extremely unhealthy.
So, not simply for the sake of
can we fix this current situation
with the guy pulling away?
No, for the sake of your emotional health
you should express yourself.
It is always great to get things off your chest
in a calm loving manner
as best as possible,
calm and loving, all right.
Therefore, you can walk away
knowing I spoke my piece
they know where I stand,
they know how I feel.
Now again, some situations
that man may
discover something that he was not aware about
that can now create reconciliation
or it may simply expose
even more that he was not serious,
he's not the one for you, whatever.
Either way,
you're going to have much better closure,
a greater ability to move forward,
and you won't risk carrying
emotional baggage with you.
So, do not make the mistake
of not expressing how you feel.
Second mistake women make when men pull away
is internalizing the issue, all right.
So,
in my other video,
the reasons why men pull away,
one of the things I mention is that
you don't always know what happened, all right.
And it could be various reasons
and sometimes the man pulling away
has nothing to do with the woman herself.
It could be something
tragic happened in his life
or something that he does not know
how to handle properly.
It could be...
Again, he could have been...
He could have met somebody new, all right.
There's various things that can happen
that could be completely out of your control,
but one of the mistakes that women make
is that they internalize
why he pulled away.
They immediately make it about
what was wrong with me?
What did I do wrong?
And listen, you should not be
beating yourself up like that.
Now granted, there are going to be situations,
if we're going to be completely honest
where our behavior
could be the catalyst
to somebody walking away from us.
That's the reality,
but if you don't know what the reason is
there's no reason for you to beat yourself up
trying to over analyze something
that you're not going to get a clear answer from.
Now, if you know deep inside
there were some things that you handled improperly,
that's different,
but I don't want you to beat yourself up about it.
I simply want you to reflect on it,
understand it, make the corrections,
that's it, all right.
But if you don't have any clue,
any idea what went wrong
don't start trying to grasp at different straws.
Don't start trying to ask
10 different people what's their opinions.
Now, you have all these different scenarios
playing in your head
because all that's doing is driving you crazy.
You're not getting any peace from this
and again, if he's not giving you the clarity
then you're not going to be able to get it
by trying to guess.
You can't come up with the answer yourself.
So, there's going to be times
when we just have to accept
they just weren't for us
and that's the reality.
Sometimes, you can be an amazing woman
an amazing human being.
You can be someone that he actually views
as a good woman,
but that doesn't mean he view you
as the woman for him.
So, him walking away doesn't mean
there's something wrong with you per Se,
it just means that the connection wasn't there
or the fit isn't right, you know what I'm saying?
And better that we acknowledge that early on
than to force a relationship or in many scenarios
force some marriage
with two people who don't really belong together, all right.
So, again, do not internalize when he walks away,
but always be willing
to hold yourself accountable for where
you know and that's like the key,
the key is you know
when you've behaved
or you done things
that were unhealthy
or may have caused problems in any relationship.
The number three mistake
that women make when men pull away
is acting like you don't care,
key word acting, all right.
Trying to fake this interest
and act like it doesn't bother you
because you don't want to give him
that satisfaction
or that power over you
or whatever the case may be.
It may make sense to you
and I'm sure there's some of you right now that's questioning
well, why would that be a mistake?
It's a mistake because it's unhealthy,
it's a mistake because again,
one, connecting back to the number one reason
when you have not fully expressed yourself
or how you feel.
Let's just say there's a scenario where
guy is dating you,
guy is making effort,
but he doesn't feel like
you're giving the effort back,
he doesn't feel like you're reciprocating
the interest and desire.
So, now he pulls away
not because he did not like you
or wasn't serious about you
but he didn't feel like you were serious about him.
So, now in that scenario
if you act like you don't care, if you fake this interest
you've only killed the situation even more
without realizing that had you simply let him know
hey, this is how I feel,
I do like you.
Maybe you were holding back because you were scared.
Maybe you're holding back because you just feel like
you want to be extra cautious
because you've jumped too far ahead in your past.
Whatever it is
simply saying that may have solved the issue,
but instead you go into faking like, you don't care
and you may kill
the potential of that relationship if it could go somewhere.
Or going back to what I mentioned earlier,
you acting disinterested is unhealthy
because you're suppressing your real feelings and desires.
And so, now,
that acting like you don't care
becomes a toxic cycle.
It also becomes a suppression of emotions,
becomes a lack of healing
that you will now carry with you
into other relationships.
So, one way or another,
don't play the game
and that's the other thing it's a game.
When you act,
key word again, act like, you don't care
you're playing a game
and if you watch any of my videos you know
I'm not about those games.
And I'm not going to encourage
any of you to be playing any games.
So, check that at the door,
leave that alone,
be true to who you are,
express yourself,
if you do care it's okay.
It's okay to accept and acknowledge
that you care about something that hurts you,
that is bothering you.
That's how you work through those emotions,
that's how you get to your healing.
To heal you must face the pain.
So, don't act like it doesn't bother you when it does.
And that way, you can address it properly
and resolve it
whether it turns into reconciliation with that individual
or you being able to properly move on from that man.
The number four mistake
women make when a man pull away
and quick mention
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I forgot to bring it in this video
that's my fault, but listen,
if you follow me you've probably seen the cover already.
Either way, you can go to amazon
or click the link
in the description or in the comment section
or go to www.themanGodhasforyou.com, all right.
Best-selling book women are loving it,
let's get back to number four.
So, number four mistake that women make
when men pull away
is compromising your true desires
to get him back.
So, let me just give a scenario,
you meet a man, you like him,
you guys are dating everything's going well, all right.
You want a relationship,
he seems to be leaning towards
just wanting to go with the flow
and be casual, all right.
So, now he pulls away
and you sense that he's pulling away because maybe
you are putting on the pressure too much
about this whole relationship thing.
And so, in order to get him back
you now go back to him saying
okay, well, let's just try this casual thing
or you know I want to give it a chance.
You try to find some way
to compromise your true desires
to appease him
and get him back in your life.
That is a huge mistake
and it's a huge mistake for so many different reasons.
One, you will never be truly happy and at peace
if you're not being true to yourself
and what you desire in that situation.
You want a relationship,
stand strong on that.
You want to get married one day,
stand strong in that.
Do not waver from that
because you want so badly
to get this specific man in your life.
Ain't no man worth
you compromising your true values and desires,
plain and simple.
Not to mention now
that you're bringing him back
on false pretenses.
So, if you bring him back
hoping that I'll play this game
of the casual dating for now
hoping I can change his mind later, all right.
You're only setting yourself up for
bigger disappointment
and to have him mad and frustrated at you
because he was real with you from day one
and said I only wanted a casual situation.
This is just a disaster waiting to happen
there's nothing good that's going to come out of that stuff
and all you're now doing is
setting yourself up to be more attached
to this individual
rather than working on
moving on from this individual.
So, never compromise
what your true desires are.
You know what you want
if he's not on the same page as you so be it,
let him move on.
I'm just going to mention this real quick,
there's a, there was a study that was done
that tried to find the key things
that increases a woman's chances of being married.
And one of those things was
not settling for dead end relationships
and not wavering from the fact
that they wanted to be married.
So, those women who were able to
receive that great man and marriage in their life
were women who recognized quickly
when a man was wasting their time
and cut him loose.
Recognize quickly when they weren't on the same page
and wanted two different things and cut him loose.
Those women did not drag along these situations
hoping for things to change,
so do not make that mistake.
And now number five,
the last reason
or the last mistake
women make when men pull away
is moving on to cope
rather than healing, all right.
So, I'm sure some of you have heard the saying
the quickest way to get over somebody
is to get under somebody.
Horrible advice,
horrible advice, all right,
and I'll do another video
to explain why that's so bad
because there's a lot to speak on
rebound relationships, okay.
However, when you are moving on to cope,
you're not resolving the real issue
and you're not realizing that you are now
dragging that pain and that damage,
that emotional baggage with you.
And so, now, what this sets you up for
in almost all cases is
number one, you are not likely
to get with the right person
if you try to move on
and date when you haven't healed.
Most people are going to engage
with other unhealthy individuals,
other people who may feel
emotionally safer to deal with
because they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way
and they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way
because you're not into them like that.
You don't have that connection with them.
So, you're going to settle for that because it feels safe,
but that's going to be the wrong choice,
the wrong person.
So, you're guaranteed
to have an unhealthy,
unhealthy relationship, a relationship that's not going to last
in the long term.
And it's not going to be fulfilling at all
not to mention
you now risk damaging someone else
because you're dragging them into your web of
unhealthiness and lack of healing
and that creates another cycle with them
and who they move on to.
It's just a huge freaking mess.
So, listen if a man pulls away from you
and you are hurt, heal.
Heal focus on resolving that properly.
Now, the things I've mentioned one through four
are going to help you with that
or help make sure you stay on the right track
so that you can focus on healing rather than coping.
Coping does not cure anything,
it just shows you how to
manage it in the moment,
but it's just...
It's just something that's waiting to explode any day.
You're going to get triggered and it's going to all come out.
Don't set yourself up for that kind of disaster
heal, do what's necessary
if you need help with healing
check out the book Love After Heartbreak,
but again, you've got to heal.
So, those are the five mistakes
women make when men pull away.
Again, comment below
let me know has this happened to you.
Maybe you share your story,
share whatever feedback you have,
but again, always like the video, share the video,
subscribe to this channel,
I love you all, and I will see you in the next video.