- Something has to change.
And I think they need a new check and balance system.
You can't partner a potentially racist cop,
with another potentially racist cop.
No, we need check and balance.
So for every potentially racist cop, well partner him
with a strong black female officer.
(peppy music)
Yes, because sisters are firm and they are there.
They ain't gonna let no injustice happen.
That white cop get out of hand,
oh sister gonna check his ass.
(audience laughing)
And she gonna check the crook too, if he get out of hand.
White cop like get the fuck out the car!
Get the fuck out the car!
Hold on, back up.
(audience laughing)
You ain't got to talk to him that way.
He is a human bein'.
I think you met being.
Motherfucker I said bein', the g is silent.
(audience laughing)
So goddamn sick, come on baby, get your ass up out the car.
You see he turnin' all red in the face, that means he upset.
Come on, get up out the car.
Put your fucking hands,
put your fucking hands where I can see them!
See now hold up, I 'pecifically told you,
(audience laughing)
I 'pecifically told you, don't speak to that boy like that.
I think you meant specifically.
Motherfucker I said 'pecifically, the s is silent!
(audience laughing)
Now come on baby, get your ass up out the car,
put your hands in the air,
but don't wave them like you just don't care.
(audience laughing)
Oh my God, look it, he has a gun, I think,
look at that thing in his pants.
I think he has fucking gun, it's a 12 gauge, it's huge!
Motherfucker don't shoot!
That's not a gun, it's his dick motherfucker!
(audience laughing)
Now move, I got this.
Baby, what's your fucking problem?
You know why we pulled your ass over?
Look at you, you got fucking saggy jeans,
you got tattoos on your face, gold teeth in your mouth.
Where the fuck you think you're going?
I know you ain't going to work motherfucker,
that's for goddamn sure.
(audience laughing)
And what's that weed smell, give me that shit.
Oh that's that raspberry yum yum,
we gonna have to keep that.
(audience laughing)
Confiscate this for evidence, okay everything's good here.
No, I wanna ask him some questions.
Motherfucker don't aks him shit, I'll aks the questions
Oh my God, Lakquisha, it's not aks, it's ask.
Motherfucker I said aks, the s is silent!
(audience laughing)
Now get your ass up in the car, and my name ain't Lakquisha,
it's Lakquisha, the q is silent.
(audience laughing)
Now come on, let's go get some breakfast.
- It's weird man, it's weird.
You know this whole thing with the cops, man.
'Cause, you know, as a black man you have a,
you know, especially a grown black man,
I have a weird relationship with the cops, man.
Like on one hand, I'm a black man.
So I'm like fuck the police.
And on the other hand, I own property.
(audience laughing)
You know, somebody comes and breaks into my house,
I'm not calling the Crips.
(audience laughing)
Uh yo Crips.
(audience laughing)
Can you send Lil Jay Jay down?
(audience laughing)
Oh he's here already?
(audience laughing)
My bad, my bad.
I mean here's the thing with the cops though,
I mean being a cop's a hard job, man.
It's a hard fucking job man.
I mean, honestly, I don't think they pay cops enough.
I don't think they pay police enough.
(audience clapping)
And you get what you pay for.
(audience laughing)
Well, well, here's the thing man,
whenever cops gun down an innocent black man,
they always say the same things, man.
They always say the same things, it's like,
well it's not most cops, it's just a few bad apples.
It's just a few bad apples.
Bad apple?
That's a lovely name for murderer.
(audience laughing)
That's like how'd they get that one, bad apple?
That almost sounds nice.
I mean, I've had a bad apple.
(audience laughing)
It was tart.
(audience laughing)
But it didn't choke me out.
(audience laughing)
Here's the thing, here's the thing, I know it's hard
being a cop, I know it's hard.
I know that shit's dangerous, I know it is okay?
But some jobs can't have bad apples.
'kay?
Some jobs, everybody gotta be good.
Like, pilots.
(audience clapping)
You know?
American Airlines can't be like, you know most
of our pilots like to land.
(audience laughing)
We just got a few bad apples
that like to crash in the mountains.
Please bear with us.
(audience laughing)
(techno music)