President Trump's trip to the West Coast.
Yesterday, the president popped into California
to host some fundraisers, talk about housing issues
and stock up on edibles.
But easily the highlight of his trip was getting
to visit his favorite child-- the border wall.
WOMAN: President Trump took time from a fundraising trip
to visit a chunk of border wall in Otay Mesa, California.
He met with
several construction workers
and was invited to sign the wall,
which he did, with a Sharpie.
He boasted about the wall calling it,
the "Rolls-Royce" of border barriers.
It's designed to absorb heat, so it's extremely hot.
The wall is, uh... You won't be able to touch it.
So if they're gonna climb it, they're gonna have
to bring hoses and waters, uh, water.
And we don't know where they're gonna hook it up,
because there's not a lot of water out here.
If you think you're gonna cut it with a blowtorch,
that doesn't work, because you hit concrete.
This wall can't be climbed. This is very, very hard.
We had 20 mountain climbers.
That's all they do. They love to climb mountains.
And this was the one that was hardest to climb.
And so begins season one of Mexican Ninja Warrior.
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
I will say, if you forget the xenophobia
and all of the racism, it's pretty cute
how excited Trump gets about his wall, right?
He reminds me of little kids bragging
about what they've built out of Lego.
Have you ever seen them?
You know, they'd be like, "It's super strong.
"And this is for the policemen, and they can't break it.
"And this one shooted the lasers.
And there's a booby trap for when the Mexicans come."
(laughter)
It's also funny how Trump signed the wall with a Sharpie,
like he's worried we're not gonna know who built it. Like...
This man is so insecure.
No other president physically signs their accomplishments.
Like-like, Abraham Lincoln didn't go up to the slaves like,
"You're free! Now hold still!
Hold still. There you go."
Now, the problem for Trump is that sometimes
his enthusiasm actually gets him in trouble,
because he gets carried away
and he says secrets that he's not supposed to.
One thing we haven't mentioned is technology.
They're wired so that we will know
if somebody's trying to break through.
And you may want to discuss that a little bit, General.
Sir, there could be some merit in not discussing it.
Okay. I like that.
-That was a great answer. -Yeah.
I'll just tell you, they're wired.
Okay? They're wired.
Again.
Tell me that's not adorable.
Trump is so excited about the wall
that people have to stop him from explaining its weaknesses.
He's like, "There's a door that opens.
"If you cut the wire right here, you cut the right one,
"but we won't tell them it's the red one.
We won't tell them."
And kudos. Kudos to that guard.
He's just so slick.
"Uh, there could be some merit in not discussing that, sir."
That is the nicest way
I've ever heard someone say, "Shut the (bleep) up."
(laughter, applause)
That's what that was.
(applause and cheering)
We should... we should all start using that, right?
Yeah, next time you tell your boss
that your missed work for a funeral,
and your co-worker's like, "But you said you were at the beach,"
you could be like,
"There could be some merit in not discussing that, Bob."
(laughter)
All right, let's move on
to an alarming new report about air travel.
If you have a flight coming up, you may want to be careful
about what you drink, 'cause a new study looked
at the water safety from a dozen major airlines.
And those airlines with the cleanest water
are Alaska Airlines, Allegiant, Hawaiian Air,
Frontier and Southwest,
while the dirtiest water is found on board Delta,
American, United, JetBlue and Spirit Airlines.
That might surprise you, right?
The study suggests sticking with bottled water on planes
and avoiding the coffee and tea.
You can also use hand sanitizer
instead of washing your hands in the bathroom.
Yes. Turns out if you've been drinking water on a plane,
your bowels may be in danger.
And honestly, this was surprising to me,
'cause I always knew that the water
in the bathroom wasn't for drinking, right?
-You use that to wash your feet, but... -(laughter)
I didn't know that the water
they serve you can also be dirty.
Like, how does it get that bad?
Like, do they take the hot towels from business class
and squeeze the water into cups for economy?
Is that what they do?
You're just like, "Hmm. What-what is that taste?"
"Sir, that is the taste of success."
(laughter)
And that list was pretty interesting as well.
You've got Alaskan at the top,
and then all the way at the bottom
is Spirit Airlines.
And I know, I know some people think Spirit should be ashamed
that they're number ten, but to be honest,
I was impressed that they have water on their flights.
Yeah, normally, the only refreshments on Spirit
-are your own tears of regret. -(laughter)
Spirit Airlines. Our water is the least of your problems.
(laughter, applause)
And finally...
tomorrow is September 20,
the big day when everyone is supposed to raid Area 51.
-(whooping) -And although this thing
just started out as a joke, it turns out
they might actually find something.
NEWSWOMAN: The U.S. Navy now confirms UFO videos
made public by The New York Times
and a UFO research group back in 2017
are the real deal.
Images of that rotating thing captured by U.S. Navy aircraft.
Sensors locking in on the target.
Commander David Fravor saw it firsthand
during a training mission, describing it:
like a 40-foot-long Tic Tac.
The ability to hover over the water
and then start a vertical climb from basically zero
up towards about 12,000 feet
and then accelerate in less than two seconds and disappear
is... something I had never seen in my life.
The Navy says it still doesn't know what the objects are,
and officials aren't speculating.
Holy shit.
I hope that's a UFO, because if it's a giant Tic Tac,
-that's even creepier. -(laughter)
What, a giant Tic Tac just flying around in the sky?
But do you guys understand what's happening here?
The U.S. government is officially confirming--
officially-- that in 2017 the Navy saw a UFO.
And I hope, I really hope it isn't aliens,
because it would be a really bad time for them to visit Earth.
Yeah. Can you imagine? They'll land and be like,
"Take us to your leader," and we'll be like,
"Uh, sorry, he's signing a wall right now."