Footballers Play FIFA 22
Who will win the 442oons eSports club world cup?
Not Spurs…
Getting trolled by Timo Werner… This is a new low...
THE LAST 16
PSG VS MAN CITY
Hey guys, you do realise this is the eSports equivalent of the Champions League?
- Yeah, a... - Leave the talking to me Jack!
Yeah, and?
Well should we both just quit now and save us all the heartache?
No!
REAL MADRID VS ATLÉTICO MADRID
- Hey Luis… - Yes?
Do not pass to Vincius. On my mother’s life. He is literally playing against us.
Leave the jokes to me Antoine. The only thing that is funny about you is your hair.
- Let’s go! - Wait a minute…
- Wait a minute? - What for?
Sorry I’m late Let’s go!
It’s 0-0. Messi is still looking for a goal here…
So realistic…
It’s not that realistic, they’ve added fans inside the Etihad
Oh, that’s original...
- Hey Neymar, need another player? - No thanks Richarlison, you can only play 2v2
I mean in January. In real-life…
Oh, definitely. The more the merrier. That’s the new PSG club motto.
- Real Madrid are through on goal… - Shoot Kylian!
- Hey! - Hahahaha!
He runs it out for a goal kick...
- Here come City… - Shoot Jack! Shoot!
- Jesus blazes it wide... - Damn...
- Jack! - I’d have scored that… Piece of piss...
What do you mean I’m disqualified for cheating!
- Here comes Messi… - Come back Jack! Come back!
Calm down, Kate Winslet…
- Goal! - Yes!
It’s all over!
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh oh oh yeah!
BAYERN VS BARÇA
- Goal! 4-0! - JA!
- I think my controller is broken - I think your club is broken...
DORTMUND VS ATLETICO MINEIRO
- Hey Jude, don’t be scared. I’ll protect you - Hey Hulk, isn’t that your wife?
- Niece? - What?
Hulk smash! Hulk smash!
Now that is what you call a rage quit...
- He’s through… - Yes!
- Over the bar! - No!
It remains 24-0...
JUVENTUS VS AC MILAN
Ha! Dybala playing one-handed and Alvaro playing cack-handed, this will be a breeze...
Oui, urgh!
Bring it on, OAP Milan!
Dear god...
We love you Bayern, we do, oh Bayern we love you!
- It’s over! - Yes! - 63-0!
Maybe we should have played Gerard Pique up-front after all…
- They’re in again! - No!
- Goal! - No!
- 64-0! - Stick to Pong, old-timers...
TOTTENHAM VS CHELSEA
One second, just sorting our tactics…
Harry, why are you moving yourself to defensive midfield?
A five year contract for Tundra eSports team?
We stand a better chance of winning something with them then Juve…
- Deal! We quit! - Yes! Urgh...
Do you prefer that Heung-Min?
- You’ve sold yourself to City? - Yes
I can’t bring myself to play for Spurs on computer games too. Real-life is hard enough...
I’m out too… I can’t stand FIFA. But I’ll stay to cheer on my boy Timo...
Thanks Romelu
And the final whistle goes! Spurs 0 Chelsea 5
- Timo Werner makes it look easy! - For once! Hahaha!
MAN UNITED VS ARSENAL
- Loading... - Bruno and Cristiano managing Manchester United…
- Just like real-life... - Oh, it’a message from Ryan Giggs.
It says “I hope you batter them!” I hope he’s talking about Arsenal and not our wives.
LIVERPOOL VS EVERTON
- The Merseyside Derby, let’s hope it’s not 0-0... - By the way Mo, X is pass
- I know that, Sadio. Btw, I’ve put you on assisted shooting - What? How rude
- Sancho shoots… he’s blazed it wide! - Jesus Christ, Sancho is so bad I would rather have bebe...
He’s worse than that! He’s so bad, I’d rather have Pepe!
What?
- Okay, let’s go! - Where’s your teammate?
- Qatar... - Hahahaha!
I’ll beat you even without James! I’m the best footballer in the world, in real life and on FIFA!
- What a liar - That explains why he has such a big nose...
Let’s go!
Ronaldo has it… stepover! Another stepover! He’s done a stepover!
- Pass it! - Ha! I’m humiliating you
- Ronaldo does a stepover. It’s a stepover... - Pass it! There’s only one minute left
- Wait for it… - Stepover!
- Wait for it... - Screw this!
- Penalty! - Sii! - Yes!
- It’s all over! - Yes!
- Liverpool win 5-0! - You haven’t won a trophy! Since 1995!
- Good luck, Cristiano… - Would you like to take it, Bruno?
- Really? Yes please! Thanks Cristiano! - Wrong answer…
- Goal! - Sii!
- Yes! - I scored, Martin...
- It’s all over! Manchester United win! - Sii!
THE QUARTER FINALS
PSG VS REAL MADRID
Judas!
- Great tackle Kylian… - Merci...
Oh, friend. French friend…
AC MILAN VS CHELSEA
Oh look, it’s the guy who said he was staying at Inter...
Oh yes. And the guy who Chelsea fans wished had stayed at Leipzig…
Oh it’s on! Nobody talks about my boy Timo like that!
- Back-post! Back-post! - Finish it!
- 1-0! - No!
- Where was the defence? - Typical PSG
- You were totally free Kylian, it’s poetic - Oh shut up!
- Come on! - Do you have to watch all the replays?
- We don’t watch all the replays! - Just the ones with us in them…
- Sexy bastards…. - Urgh!
- What do you mean we’re disqualified? - You don’t play for Real Madrid…
- You English pig-dog! - Oh, too far Kylian. Too far...
- And the final whistle goes… 10-0! - Yes!
It’s like we were playing with the wrong buttons…
- You were playing with the wrong buttons - What?
- I changed them before kick off - What?
I’m a master of the dark arts...
Not the face! Not the face!
My sac de billes!
BAYERN VS DORTMUND
Oh, come on Erling...
I thought by now you’d have learnt that there’s no point showing up for Der Klassiker games…
- Why not? - You never win!
There’s more chance of you winning a Beyonce Lookalike Competition…
- Goal! - No! - Told you...
MAN UNITED VS LIVERPOOL
- Cream suits? - You not watch the 1996 FA Cup Final?
- You’re in your home kit - Our second kit is sold out, so we had to wear this or our 3rd kit
- The yellow and red McDonalds one? - Yes
You made the right choice...
- Haaland is through… Goal! That’s his treble hat-trick! - Yes..
- Wow, two more hat-tricks and you’ll have as many as me... - 15-9!
Neither side looks like scoring today...
Oh, sorry guys. I set an alarm. Sadio and I have to go and pray
- No problem, It’s paused - Thanks!
And now it isn’t pause… let’s do this Bruno
- Goal! Lewandowski scores again! - Ja!
This is bullshit! There’s so much scripting…
Just like the Bundesliga… they’ve used the same script for the last 9 seasons
That’s why I’ll be leaving the Bundesliga at the end of the season…
No! Please stay Erling! You and Lewy are the only players that keep our league relevant…
Ooops… I’ve said too much.
- The final whistle goes! - Bullshit!
- We’re back! - Thanks for that guys
- No problem - You can unpause it now.
Let’s do this…
And the final whistle goes… Man United 116 Liverpool 0!
What?
Join us next Sunday for the semi-finals and the final of The 442oons eSport Club World Cup!
Who will be crowned champion?
Not Spurs!