[Heart & Soul intro music]
LP: Hi everyone, you're listening to Heart and Soul on incmedia.org
Do you have questions on love or relationships? Listen up! You might just find your answer here.
This segment of #askheartandsoul
was recorded during our episode on Courting: Keeping it Simple.
Joining us today, we have some special guests MARTIN: Absolutely, from around the world.
LP: All the way from the United Kingdom, from London
we have Cheyenne Cunanan, hi Cheyenne!
Chey: Hello!
LP: Cheyenne is a successful law student and law professional
in London. She has been born and raised in London and
she's not only successful in her career but she's been able to do that and upkeep her duties.
I believe you're also in the choir, you do everything! How do you do this Cheyenne?
Chey: Yeah, I must say, it's not particularly easy to
find that balance. But,
the way that I am able to do it is, of course,
through the help of God.
But, it's to do with prioritization.
Martin: Sounds...pretty sound advice. Ok, let's wrap up. Thank you so much for listening. [laughter]
But, we actually have another guest today, it's Mack Balecano who is
originally from my hometown in the greater Toronto area, but he now lives all the way in Winnepeg.
LP: Central Canada, correct? Martin: Central Canada, that's correct. A very brand new district this year.
He is very successful working in the telecom industry, I believe in the environmental department. Mack, am I correct?
Mack: Yup, that's correct.
Martin: And he just recently moved in to his own home so just like Cheyenne,
young, successful, single, not like we're trying to play matchmaker here.
But Mack, thank you so much for joining us. How are you?
Mack: I'm good. Thank you for inviting me to join today.
Martin: Ok, so real quick. People who are listening are anxious to hear.
They've sent in a LOT of questions and tips from around the world.
We have a question now from Lucy from Toronto. Here's her question:
Lucy: How do you know if a relationship is taking a turn to end up into the friend zone?
Martin: Alright, who wants to take that one?
LP: I think Mack does. Martin: Mack, go!
Mack: Umm...
You know, I...
We can talk a long time about different signs.
But I honestly just think...
my personal preference would be to just cut through all of that and
to just have an open and honest conversation with the other person. LP: Thank you.
LP: Mack, we agree! We agree! Martin: Yay!
Mack: I think that....but...
Martin: Uh oh...here's the 'but'... [LP laughs]
Mack: The little asterisk beside that is, I think that also,
it obviously depends on the level of maturity of the other individual and
recognizing, for some people,
that might be the first instance that they've come across that situation, right?
Or...a very different situation for them.
And I guess, just kind of bring in that level of understanding. So, it's...
I do think that
having that conversation is the best and I think that is
in my opinion, the right and proper thing to do.
But you know, certainly, you can talk about some very obvious things like
"Ok, they suddenly don't respond to my messages or talk to me as often" or those types of things
or you know, if you try to do something very
I don't know, maybe like...
bringing flowers for a guy for example.
And she is just totally not ok with that.
Martin: [narrating] "Why would you bring this?" She's like, "I work at a flower shop."
[Mack laughs] Mack: Or like, "Ahh! You brought these for my mom, that's so nice of you!"
Martin: You know what's super easy though? Like, to cut through the awkwardness?
Like, if you're talking to somebody, say Mack, you're talking to a girl
and you're not really feeling it and she keeps talking to you
and you start talking about a different girl? Boom. There you go.
Mack: ooooooh.... Martin: Switch it up
like the girl is talking to a guy and she starts talking about another guy...
LP: You'll crush her heart...
Mack: That's Martin's key move there.
Martin: Cuz it's not rude but it's also like... Chey: That's when you can see though that
I mean, the question was "How can you tell?" LP: Gauge her level of...
Chey: [cont.]...just another girl's name and you'll be able to see what direction it goes in.
Mack: Yeah, and she's like, freaking out like, "But I thought we're exclusive. I met you two hours ago!"
Martin: Ok, moving on.
We have Raj from Bakersfield asking this question:
Raj: "Is it ok to date your best friend?"
Mack: oooh.... Martin: So you're in a really good platonic relationship
but you start feeling like, "Maybe this could be somethin." Do you risk it?
Mack: My heart....
[everyone laughs]
Martin: Hahaha...I don't even have a joke ready, I'm just laughing.
LP: But just like you guys have said, if you're mature at the end of it,
you'll be mature at the end of it and you'll still love each other no matter what.
And it'll hurt forever.
Mack: Have you actually been in that situation though?
Martin: Anybody?
Mack: Cuz I think it's easier said than done.
Chey: I think it depends on person to person, doesn't it?
And it really depends on your relationship as best friends.
You know, if you truly are best friends,
that...if you do take that chance,
and you do go there and
start seeing each other differently and dating and what not,
I guess it's the way that, if it doesn't work out,
how you deal with it as best friends.
Yes and no there's gonna be that fear of, "Oh my gosh. It's going to ruin
how we are as best friends."
But then again, like Mack said,
it's to do with the maturity level. Like...
if you're gonna let it ruin a friendship that you once had that was
really, you know, you were best friends, then clearly
LP:...it wasn't strong enough to begin with. Chey: Exactly.
Martin: Ok, let's do a quick lightning round. Yes or no. Mack, would you do it?
Mack: Umm...speaking from experience, no.
Martin: Ok, Cheyenne?
Chey: Don't actually have a guy best friend but, you know, there are friends
that, guy friends that I've grown with and like I've said earlier on in the show, if it happens
organically, and you see signs that
he's treating you differently than he would normally, then...definitely.
Martin: So, yes? How about you LP?
LP: I would 100% take the chance. Martin: Look at at that.
Martin: So Mack said no. LP: And Martin, you say?
Chey: heh heh...it's a guy/girl... Mack: Don't leave me hanging Martin!
[Chey laughs] Martin: You know, I'mma say no.
LP & Chey: ohhhhhhh.....
Martin: ...because... LP: So you're praying for the one to be in your life.
You're praying to God to show you the one and to give you the one.
And He has this great blessing in your life that you're just gonna turn away.
Martin: But, if I'm blessed with a best friend, then I'm gonna appreciate her as that blessing.
LP: But, she's your best friend because you've put her in that category.
Martin: As a friend, for sure. As THE best friend. LP: What's to say that she can't be more if you've never--
Martin: For sure. Technically, the girl, Erica, who I'm dating right now is
my best friend as in she's my closest friend but I didn't start off like,
"Man, we should be really good best friends" at the beginning of it to see if this is gonna go somewhere.
Like, there was an initial attraction.
We started dating, I courted her, became her boyfriend & girlfriend and I'm like,
"You know what? Now that we're in this relationship and we're so close,
you're my best friend."
But not like....ya know.....
...does that make sense?
Mack: Can I...you know, my analogy on this is...
it's kinda like...roommates.
You know, when I was in a university, it's like you're really good friends with someone,
and then you live with them.
You know? And I'm like, "Dude! I thought you were really cool. But now you're just totally on my nerves."
[laughs] Martin: You're talkin' about a guy, right?
Mack: Yeah, yeah. [laughter]
Mack: Yeah, as a roommate right? You know, you're really good friends, and then it changes.
All that I'm getting at is it changes the dynamic.
Martin: If it's a working dynamic, then why mess with it?
Mack: Yeahhh! Thank you. That's exactly what I'm getting at.
Martin: Ok, moving on!
Jonah: Hey, I'm Jonah Salve from Sunderland, United Kingdom and I wanted to ask:
At the end of the day, who should pay?
Or should they split the bill?
Chey: Hehheheh....umm, with that one,
unless of course, Bro. Mack wants to jump in on that.
Martin: Mack will always pay.
Mack pays for everything. [Chey laughs]
Chey: Umm, I think for me, I know there's sort of the traditional 'old school' way would be
would be for the guy to pay.
However, girls do like that they're allowed to
show that they also are independent and also able to do it.
Sometimes, give them a chance, give us a chance to
...I know that you're tryin to be a gentleman and all,
but sometimes, we like to...you know.
Because..."thank you for taking us on this date" kinda-thing, it's a way that
we wanna express that. Or, again, if you wanna do it easy, then split the bill. [laughs]
Martin: Bro. Ritchie, is there a Biblical answer or is it just like
"Are you a man? Are you gonna pay for this or not?" How does this work?
Bro. Ritchie: Again, it really goes back to...
There's a lot of...
etiquette rules that, "the one that invites is the one that pays".
But...you're really trying to show....
that's why I said, if you get so caught up in certain rules created,
just think, "Ok, what's my intention here?"
If I want to show I'm a provider?
Now, I understand maybe you're not at that point yet.
Maybe the girl's saying, "Hey. Don't worry. I'm not expecting you to provide for me."
Then, you should be able to feel that out
that you're not yet at that point.
So, if she insists, no one wants to offend anyone, then
you can split the bill if you'd like.
But then, if you're trying to show...that's the word, if you're trying to court,
then, that's part of it.
You want to show that you're ready for this. You are established.
That's why if you can't, if you're not able to do that, well then just wait until you're established.
LP: Thank you for listening to this segment of #AskHeartandSoul.
So join the conversation by sending us your questions
by Tweeting @incmedianews or comment on Instagram
under one of our posts using #askheartandsoul.
You just might hear it answered in our future episodes.
I'm LP, and remember, we're just people talkin' love. Talkin' love and relationships on INC Heart & Soul.
[Heart & Soul theme song]
[End]