Do you want your kids to listen to you the first time? Well I'm Nicholeen Peck and in this video I'm
going to be talking with a child and her mommy about how to get kids to listen the first time.
In this video we're going to meet Berlin who just turned four years old and her mommy Candace
and we're going to help Berlin learn the skill following instructions today
and see how easy it is for her to do.
I would like to introduce you to my friend, Berlin. Hi Berlin. Can you say hi to everybody?
Berlin just turned four, just barely, right, and how old are you gonna be on your next birthday, Berlin?
Maybe she's not gonna tell us. Okay Berlin told me just a moment ago she is gonna be five on
her next birthday and this is her mom, Candace so thank you for joining us today and for bringing
Berlin to come and and hang out with us and to talk about skills. So, today we're going to talk
about how to help children listen to what we have to say the first time and I know that
that is something that as a busy mom with three girls who are always doing so many things,
you need the ship to you know run pretty well, right? Yes, definitely. Yeah so how is- how
important do you think it is for you to know that they're listening to you and that they can follow
through with what you say? Extremely. important. Yeah extremely important and I think it lends itself-
I have a lot of different ages so I think it's important for every age because we have a lot of
things moving and shifting a lot of different ways that we're going and so it's
just important to know that everybody can be on board when we have to leave or we're trying
to get stuff done as a family so, this is a skill that we really are trying to master for sure. Right,
and everybody is just seeing like totally real life right now, right? This is real life. I love it. It
is as real as it gets when you're three and four years old, I mean life is just each minute is just
whatever it is, it's how you feel and I love how you said we want to be making sure that all ages
do this, right? Not just Berlin's age but you've got other children that are much older, right, and
you want them to also listen the first time and it makes a huge difference with them. So yeah anyway
we're going to meet some of those other children in some other videos which will be a lot of fun.
So in this video I'm going to teach Berlin and her mommy the skill following instructions. So I teach
all about self-government and self-government means that a person is able to determine the cause
and effect of any given situation and possesses a knowledge of their own behaviors so that they can
control them, which means that a person learns to analyze themselves, learns to set a plan for
themselves and follow through with it. And even somebody as young as Berlin can learn these skills.
In fact Berlin has learned many skills and this is going to be something that you'll be able to see
in this video. I started learning these skills when I was actually about 14 years old
and trying to repair relationships with my parents. So a neighbor suggested to me that I choose to say
okay and be okay one time when I was expressing to her how I didn't get along with my parents
and how we were having a lot of conflict at our house. So then I went home because I was
challenged by my neighbor and decided to say okay and be okay and this started me on the pathway to
following instructions and I never looked back because I realized it was such a powerful skill.
So then years later when I started taking in treatment foster children who were all between
the ages of 12 and 18, I realized that one of the best things I could teach them was the skill
following instructions. If a child will not follow the instructions from their parents,
then the parent actually can't parent. It makes everything become frustrated
and dysfunctional and that's when everything starts falling apart. So let's just show you
how simple it is to learn to follow instructions and we'll get Berlin to help us. Berlin, I know that
your mommy told you today that we're going to be doing something called following instructions, huh?
Yeah, she did and I think that's probably easy for you to learn how to do because you're a really
good little girl and you do things that your mom tells you to do, huh? Even though we're not perfect
all the time probably, right? So I'm gonna teach you five steps, okay? So if we look at our hand, we can
remember the five steps. I have a little book about five steps and it's called London Larae Says Okay,
do you know that book? Yeah, it's a red book, yeah. So London Larae in the book she looks at her hand,
right? So I saw you held your hand up five, right, yes, okay. So step number one is to look at the
person, okay, that's number one. So we're gonna pretend just for a minute that I'm your mommy
and you're gonna look at me like you're looking at the person. Can you look at me, look at the person?
Good job, Berlin. Okay, high five. Can you high five me? Yes. All right you did it. Okay step number two
Berlin is oh look at me, look at me. Here we go, step number two is to keep a calm face, voice and body,
right, that's step number two so what does your face look like when it's calm?
This is a pretty calm face that you have right now, right? Yeah. What does your face
maybe look like if you're not calm? Have you seen somebody have a face that's not calm? Like angry,
yeah that's not a calm face, huh, or what about sad like crying sad? Do you ever-
do you ever cry? No, never. Okay, that's good, you're a strong girl. Mom says well maybe.
Anyway okay so let's keep a calm face and what about our body right now, Berlin? Let's keep our
body calm. Can you put your hands on your lap? Good, that's a calm body. Good job, okay, high five.
All right so calm face, voice and body then step number three, can you hold up three fingers?
Step number three, oop- three's hard, yeah you got it, you got it. Okay three is to say okay.
Can you say okay? Okay. Good job, you said okay. All right, okay then step number four is we go do it,
whatever the task is, we go and do it that's step four good job cause you're four. High five,
okay and then step number five is to check back. Check back, yep that's step five.
So step five you just come and you say I did my chore or I did whatever you were
told to do and then you say is there anything else and then every time your mom's gonna say
wow, Berlin you did a great job, right? She's gonna praise you on all of this. Okay, so mama Candace we
are doing something right here called pre-teaching and I know that you know what pre-teaching is. Yes.
Yes, so when we're talking about all ages of children, pre-teaching is important
but like for this age, it's super important, right? Definitely you can help all the time. Okay Berlin,
are you ready to do the actual practice? Are you ready to do all five steps? What do you think? All
five? Okay, so I'm gonna mess something up, I'm gonna mess this up, I'm gonna put that right there. Okay
so that I can give you an instruction. Okay are you ready to follow instructions? We're
gonna do all five things. Ready? So I've got an instruction for you. We're gonna look at the person,
let's look at the person, good. Okay step number two is to keep a calm what? Face, yep and voice,
voice, yep and what's our other thing body, body, that's right. Good job. Okay so you've got it. Calm
face, voice and body, now I'm gonna tell you what the instruction is. Berlin, I need you to pick up
this pillow and put it back on the couch, okay? So this is step number three, what do you say?
You say okay. Okay, say Okay, Berlin okay good so then you already did step four,
you already put it on the couch so then what's step five? Do you remember that you check
back? So you come back and you say I put the pillow on the couch. Is there anything else?
No, can you try that one say? I did it, is there anything else?
Good job. You did do it, high five, Berlin. You did a great job at following instructions. You have been
a super big helper. It is hard to sit still for all of this time when you are learning
skills like this. Thank you so much say, thank you. You're welcome. All right we see Berlin has learned
the steps but now we need to see if she can practice them so before we get to Berlin's
practice, hit that subscribe button. There are so many great videos on this channel, we teach so
many skills here at the teaching self-government YouTube channel, you're not going to want to miss
them. Alright Candace, so let's talk following instructions. I'd love to. Yes so Berlin was
not used to being in front of the camera, right? She did a great job for being in front of the camera,
being totally on the spot with somebody who has never told her anything before but
when you think of Berlin and following instructions like how do you think this is
going to help her? Well it's just huge. If you think about a normal day in family life, there
are so many moving parts. There's so many places to be, I have other children of different ages.
Following instruction is key to help the spirit of our home, to help how we interact with one another,
to help where our energy is being focused. I mean it's just huge, it really is everything. Yeah, it is.
There's so many just little things like oh, wake up in the morning or go get your shoes or I mean
anything and that all comes back to following instructions. So here's the thing and I know that
you've been working on pre-teaching and some of the teaching self-government stuff at your house
and so you know we're speaking kind of a common language here but there's this thing called
pre-teaching that we work on with teaching self-government and pre-teaching is when you tell
someone ahead of time what is required. So with Berlin, with someone her age, this is going to be
vital to be pre-teaching all the time. So just even something so simple like hey Berlin, I'm
going to give you an instruction. Do you remember the five steps you know just so that she can go
oh and maybe even just telling her again and again. In fact even with your older children
you know that pre-teaching is so powerful. Have you seen pre-teaching help you in your
interactions with them already? Absolutely because I feel like if you set you know the precedence of
what you're thinking prior to, it's not a surprise on the spot. You know if you're like hey this is
our family culture, this is what we're hoping to achieve you know the mutual respect that we love
and listen to one another, that we can look at one another when we're speaking and really focus
on the things that matter but yeah pre-teaching I think is everything because if the kids know
what the expectation is or what you're trying to achieve, it's a lot easier to say do you remember
like we've talked about this before versus surprise! Guess what's happening right now?
Yeah because that actually shocks their senses, right? So when you just all of a sudden throw at
them like maybe they're in the middle of playing with their stuffed animals or something and all
of a sudden you say okay go get your shoes and go do this and they're like wait a second. I wasn't
ready for that but the pre-teach just gives you that little extra second and I think it's
very comforting to them. Kids I think love structure, they love to know what's coming
so if you have a family language around do you remember the five steps, I'm about to you know
give you an instruction, I think that's comforting for a child to know oh okay, I actually know how
to do this and get you know positive results. All kids want attention and they'll get it one
way or the other, positive or negative and so I think if you have pre-teaching set up,
it's a win-win for the parents and for the kids to have a lot more positive interactions
which is what we're all wanting the kids and the parents. Totally. I mean we want to have the
bond with the children which comes from making sure that there's more positive interactions
and that the negative interactions don't overtake and hopefully there actually aren't negative
interactions, right. Hopefully I mean if we talked at another time about correcting, we would know
that correcting behaviors doesn't have to be negative either,, that's a video for another day.
Yes, but I love hearing you know how grounded you are in all of this and how patient.
I wish we could take the camera into your home without Berlin ever seeing. Yes
just because in your home she's gonna be like okay and do this and do this and there's
not gonna be the everyone's watching me, there's lights and cameras on me you know and I
think we would se- in fact I know we would see because I've been to so many homes and
I've seen your sweet children in action that there's not gonna be like this problem
where- I mean she's just gonna just do and it's gonna give her that security that she needs, right?
Absolutely, to follow through. Ah, I love that. Thank you so much for joining us today and for bringing
Berlin and for her you know putting up with all of this that comes with it. She did a fantastic
job. Barely four years old and I think a lot of people wonder can they really even do it and
we see oh yeah, I mean they're still a squirrely you know four-year-old but oh yeah, they can do it,
absolutely. In fact she just could not wait to get to that oh, I'm gonna put it up there. I'm gonna
do it. Hey, we're like wait, don't forget the okay and she's like oh okay afterward but you know what?
With a little one, that's okay. It's just teaching them and training them that we go through all
these five things, let's make sure we hit all five and there might be some little reminders along the
way but they can nail it. Absolutely, super easy. It's blasted our life a ton. I just can't say
enough about it and teaching self-government and honestly I think one of the biggest life changers
for me is when you explain the power of calm and like the power struggles and sometimes how
when you don't stay calm as a parent, how that changes the environment for everybody for the
children and for everyone and I think a lot of times when parents are in stressful situations
you know it's easy to be snappy or to get out of rhythm and be like do that now please. You know I
need this to happen like immediately but when you have again that pre-teach and you have it set
up and that foundational structure, I just think you're setting yourself up for a lot more success
in your family relationships and have it be a very you know just a safe space where a lot of
positive things can happen so thank you. Yeah. oh my pleasure. Honestly that makes it all worth it
and the calmness is key so I'm really glad that you brought that up. So calmness, we absolutely need
to work on our calmness. In fact because you said that Candace, I'm going to give everybody a gift.
I'm going to give everybody a gift. Everybody who has watched this video, go down in the
description below the video and there is going to be a link to that it's like teachselfgov.com/
toolkit I'm pretty sure is what it is and it is going to be for the free
calm parenting toolkit. So my calm parenting toolkit is going to be
for you for free because just like Candace said, it's a game changer, calmness absolutely
and being able to be okay and understand what's going on and what to do next makes
all the difference and I want to help you out so click on the link below and we'll see you there.