-Hi.
In this video,
you're going to learn six powerful compliments
to activate his love.
Hi, ladies.
Mat Shaffer here, your empowerment,
connection, and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life
to supporting you and creating the sort of fun,
fulfilling dynamic connections and relationships with men
that you are so worthy of.
I am super excited about this topic.
We're going to dive back into compliments
and I'm going to share with you six new ones
that are going to make a really big difference
in the way that you connect and communicate with men
in your life.
Before we dive into it, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click that link
in the comments and caption.
I have created some great training
that's going to make a huge difference in your connections
and relationships with men.
Click that out and then we're going to get going.
Let's start off by talking about why complimenting a guy
is so important to you and your relationship.
First off,
compliments are a powerful reinforcement
of his positive behavior and his positive traits
in the relationship.
If you want him to show up as his best self
in the relationship and do the things that you really love,
to you and with you, you're going to want to compliment him.
Secondly,
exchanging compliments is a really unique and effective way
to bring you and your partner closer together.
It's a type of intimate exchange
that he doesn't get anywhere else.
I promise.
It's not like his buddies are saying,
"Bro, you really inspired me with how you handled
that board meeting today.
You're so courageous.
You make me want to be a better man, bro."
Nope.
It doesn't happen.
Men are starved for compliments and you are probably
the only person in his life that can give him
that sort of emotional nourishment
that he's not getting anywhere else.
Enough small talk,
let's dig into these six compliments
and I'm going to give them to you Madlib style.
I'm going to give you the compliment
with a fill in the blank at the end that you can customize
however you want.
Plus, I'll give you a couple of examples
to use with each one.
These first three compliments
are going to be action acknowledgement compliments,
because men are craving being acknowledged
for their actions in the world.
I'm going to give you three specific compliments
and situations where they can be used most effectively.
Number six is, "I adore you for," blank.
In that blank you want to put a small action statement.
For example,
"I adore you for protecting our relationship
by never letting us go to bed angry.
You always make sure we resolve whatever's going on
before we go to sleep."
Or another example,
"I adore you for always playing with the kids
when you get home from work, no matter how tired you are."
Why is this such a good compliment?
Because it demonstrates that you are paying attention
to his small behaviors and daily habits
that he's going out of his way to do that a lot of men
honestly feel like are being taken for granted.
A little bonus regularly using this small action compliment
is that if you're consistently acknowledging him
for the little things he's doing in his day
that make you feel good,
he's going to be more prone to notice and acknowledge you
for those same little things that you're doing for him.
It really becomes a mirroring situation
if you do it on a regular basis.
When do you want to use this small action compliment?
You want to use it whenever he does the activity
either during or immediately after,
so it feels organic and alive to him.
If you do it too far afterwards
he's going to look at you like,
"Well, why didn't you tell me at the time?"
He's going to be like,
"Are you trying to like butter me up
because you want to ask me for something?"
Number five is, "I admire you for," blank.
In that blank, you want to put a large action,
vision or purpose statement.
For example,
"I admire you for building a business around your passions,
even when your mom and dad thought that you were crazy,"
or, "I admire you for always putting this family first,
even when your work is really tough."
Why is this compliment so effective?
Well, it's because men are craving
being seen and acknowledged for the big picture
of what they're trying to do with their lives.
Every man,
no matter what type of career or profession that he has,
he has on some level a vision for his life and legacy
that he's looking to create
through his actions and his efforts.
If you can let him know that you acknowledge and see
and admire him for that pursuit,
for that work he's doing tirelessly day in and day out
to accomplish that legacy and to fulfill his purpose
or his destiny in the world, he's going to feel really seen,
appreciated and fulfilled in his relationship with you.
Especially if his work or the pursuit of his legacy
is something that challenges him on a regular basis.
Your compliments can be the nourishment
that keeps him going when he's feeling totally exhausted
and burnt out otherwise.
The best time to use this compliment is when you notice
that he's had a tough day or he just seems exhausted
or maybe a little lost in the pursuit of his vision.
This can be a really clarifying and empowering thing
that you can give him when he needs it the most.
Compliment number four is, "You really impressed me with,"
blank.
In that blank,
you're going to put a bold action statement
that he's done towards you.
For example,
"You really impressed me with the way you carried me
on your back the whole way back to camp on our hike
after I said that I was tired.
That was so sweet."
Why is this compliment so great?
Well, when men are emotional invested in a woman,
they're often going to go above and beyond
and over the top to try to impress her and win her over.
When you validate and acknowledge
a man's over the top efforts, it's going to really validate
and light him up and fulfill him on a really deep level
and make him want to do more
of those crazy romantic gestures.
You can use this impress me compliment anytime,
but it's most effective in the early courtship stages
of relationship to really validate and reinforce
that a man is being your knight in shining armor,
which is going to continue to build and deepen
that excitement and that pursuit that he's so invested in.
Number three is,
"You make me feel," blank, "when you," blank.
For example,
"You make me feel so safe and cherished
when you hold me in your arms,"
or, "You make me feel so excited when you plan our dates
out way ahead of time,
but won't tell me what we're doing
until you come and pick me up."
Why this is one of the very best compliments
that you can tell a man is because it is hugely empowering
for him to hear and understand
the way that how he's being or what he's doing
is impacting you emotionally.
We are not mind readers, ladies.
When you let us into your heart and you let us know
how we're deeply impacting you through the way
that we're showing up, it is incredibly activating to us.
The best time to use this compliment is any time,
but it's most potent you and your partner are both engaged
or immersed in the experience.
It will really amp up the intensity of it.
I know if I'm dating someone and I'm holding them
and they tell me how safe
and how loved they feel in my arms,
I'm going to want to squeeze them even tighter.
Number two, and I promise you this is a good one,
even though it's going to seem a little random is,
"I love your smell."
Why is this compliment so hot?
Well, it's hard to explain,
but I think it comes down to just evolution and biology.
I think we're privately wired to be attracted
to each other's pheromones.
When a woman says that she loves the way I smell
or that she misses smelling me, it's very attractive to me
and it makes a man feel very magnetic
to the woman that he's with.
For the record,
I'm not really talking about cologne smell.
I'm talking about like the smell of his body,
the smell of his skin.
I actually had a girlfriend
who when I wouldn't be able to hang out with her
for a number of days, say if I was working
or I was away on a trip, she would actually ask
if she could borrow one of my used t-shirts,
one of my old t-shirts so that she could have something
that smells like me to cuddle with at night.
I thought that was sweet.
This was a favorite.
This one says, "Danger, I'm a hugger."
I don't might seem a little weird,
but it was actually pretty hot.
The number one compliment to activate a man's love
is the identity acknowledgement compliment,
and it goes, "You are an amazing," blank.
In that blank,
you want to put whatever his role is that he's playing
that you are absolutely loving.
You can put, "You are an amazing lover.
You are an amazing father.
You are an amazing writer.
You are an amazing chef."
Why is the simple compliment so powerful?
Well it's because that men, even more so than women,
have a tendency to identify themselves
and really create their own innate value through the roles
that they play in their relationships in their life
and the activities that they engage in.
When you use this identity acknowledgement compliment,
and you really validate his activities and his actions
that he's attached himself to, you're really validating
his identity in a sense of self,
which is going to be hugely empowering to him.
When and how to use this compliment best is for a man
who's very busy and who wears a lot of different hats
in his life and maybe doesn't get acknowledgement
or praise for all those different roles he plays
throughout the course of his day.
Feel free to rotate this one on a regular basis.
Say one week you compliment him
for being such a great father.
The next week you compliment him
for being such a masterful chef
for that memorable curry dinner
that he made you the other night.
Ladies,
if you use these six compliments authentically
and consciously with your partner or any guy
that you're looking to get to know,
it is going to activate him and empower him
to want to step up, be more of the man
that you want and deepen his love and attachment to you.
To review, number six is, "I adore you for," blank
and insert a small action statement in there like,
"I adore you for how consistently
you clean the gutters every week,"
or, "I adore you for always holding the door for me
even if it's not date night.
We're at the grocery store and you're doing it,
that just touches my heart so much."
This powerful emotional validation
for small habitual actions that he's doing let him know
that you're not taking them for granted
and that you want him to keep doing them.
Number five is, "I admire you for," blank.
In that blank you'll put a large action statement
or maybe something around his vision or purpose.
When you compliment a man on his vision and purpose,
you're nourishing his soul and you're giving him the fuel
he needs to overcome whatever obstacles he may be facing
as he goes out there to create his legacy.
Number four is, "You really impressed me with," blank.
In that blank, you're going to put a big, bold,
over-the-top action that he's done to try to win your heart.
For example,
"You really impressed me when you called all over town
to find the one Thai restaurant that I haven't been to yet
and got us the last table."
Remember, when you validate a man's over-the-top courting,
it's going to make him feel like a knight in shining armor
and make him want to him want to sweep you onto his steed
and gallop off into the sunset.
Number three is, "You make me feel," blank,
"when you," blank.
You want to tie a positive feeling
to an action that he's doing.
Few things empower a man more than knowing
that what he's doing or how he's showing up
is having a huge impact on your heart
and the way that you feel about him and about yourself.
For example,
"You made me feel so loved when you stood up for me
at the bar when that other lady was being rude."
You want to make sure to use that compliment
in the middle of the experience to rally amp up
the intensity of that moment
that the two of you were sharing.
Number two is, "I love your smell."
I don't necessarily mean cologne smell or deodorant smell
or shampoo smell.
You want to acknowledge just the smell of who he is,
his pheromonal essence.
That is really powerful,
really primal and really hot for a guy to hear.
The number one compliment to activate a man
to love you more is the identity acknowledgement compliment
that, "You are an amazing," blank.
"You are an amazing father, lover, writer, driver,"
whatever it is.
Whatever role that he plays that you know
is really important to him,
you want to acknowledge him for that and let him know
how amazed and in awe of that you are.
That's one of the most empowering and most validating things
you can do to a man is acknowledge him for the roles
that he identifies himself with in his life,
both in his relationship with you and just in the activities
he engages in on a day-to-day basis.
If he's passionate about it
and you acknowledge him for that, he's going to love it.
Get out there and light your man up, ladies,
but before you do take a second,
hit that little subscribe button and don't forget
to click that link in the comments and caption.
I have created some great training
that's going to make a huge difference in your connections
and relationships with men.
You don't want to miss it.
Be sure to click in there and don't forget to sound off
in the comments and let us know
what are the greatest compliments you've ever given a man.
I'd love to hear them.
Let's share.
Let's start a conversation in the comments.
That's a lot of times where the best ideas
get thrown around and cross-pollinated
between members of our tribe.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
I'll see you in my next video.
Bye-bye.
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