If you've ever felt frustrated saying yourself, "My ex isn't reaching out, what can I do about
it?" then this video is going to help you figure out what could be happening and what
you can do about it.
Now, stay tuned to the end because we're going to get into some specific strategies that
you can use moving forward based off of some possible reasons that your ex might not be
contacting you.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for.
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All right, so the first reason that your ex may not be contacting you is because they're
still upset over something that happened before, during, or after the breakup.
Now, I know that your ex probably has their own reasons for breaking up with you, maybe
that is why they're not contacting you.
Maybe they're still upset or hurt about something that you said or did.
Maybe they're upset about something that happened during the breakup, maybe the two of you got
into some sort of fight.
Maybe you may have done some things that maybe you regret because you were caught up in the
emotion of it or something like that.
It's very common.
I've definitely been there myself when it comes to my own personal breakup stories that
I've gone through in the past, and I've known many, many, many clients that have been in
that damage control mode state of mind that has definitely not helped them when it's come
to that breakup.
If this is the case, then I mean obviously you need to clear away the emotions that are
standing in the way of you and your ex being able to have a civil normal conversation with
one another.
If you need to, by all means go ahead and use some of the strategies to get your extra
forgive.
I made a video about that up there, go ahead and click on that and you can go ahead and
check that out.
Additionally, something else that could be happening, and this is a little bit more surprising
to some people actually, but it's that your ex may be confused.
Your ex is probably going through their own state of confusion.
It's very common for people's exes to be confused about what they want.
On one hand there probably are things that they liked about you and your time together,
and there's probably obviously things that they didn't like, otherwise they wouldn't
have broken up with you.
So there's these two forces that are in constant flux in your ex's mind and in your ex's emotions.
What can happen is your ex may actually want to spend time with you, they may want to initiate
contact with you.
They may want to text you, they may want to call you, but because their emotions are all
over the place, they might be also afraid of coming across like a hot mess or as somebody
who maybe says, "Yeah, let's get back, get back together," but then they have regrets
and then they take it back the next day.
So they might be playing it conservatively while they try to feel out what it is that
they want.
Even though they might want to interact with you, even though they might want to contact
you, they may hold themselves back from doing so in order to save face.
What this is really symptomatic of, if you go over and check out yesterday's video, which
I'll go ahead and put a video card up there for, is that your ex is actually relationship-focused.
You might think that this is a good thing, after all, they're considering being in a
relationship with you, but if the emotional connection is not in place, then being relationship-focused,
at least for them, definitely for you but most likely for them as well too, can be challenging
because they don't believe that they can take any step forward unless they're going to get
into a relationship with you again, unless it's going to move towards the two of you
dating or something like that.
You might think that that is great, like, "Okay, great.
They're actively thinking about us dating or getting back together," but if the emotional
foundation underneath all of that is still kind of shaky, if the two of you aren't connecting
well, if they're not sure or convinced that things are going to be different this time
around, that they're not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out
of in the first place and so on, then there is likely going to be hesitation, they're
likely going to hold themselves back.
What you can do is, just like we talked about yesterday, you can go ahead and shift from
that relationship-focused level down to the emotional-focused level, where you can just
let them know let's not force anything that not there, let's just enjoy being friends
for a little while and connect with one another and all of that.
Again, we talked about this yesterday, so if you check that video, just go up to the
video card and watch that video.
But this can help to take the pressure off of them to feel like they need to decide right
now, and they can just simply enjoy connecting with you, bonding with you and coming closer
together with you again so that the two of you actually have a chance to build up that
foundation.
When that foundation is stronger, they'll actually have something to stand on, to say,
"Yeah, I do want to get back together with you, or it does make sense for us to do that."
Now, the third reason that your ex may not be contacting you is because they might be
in some sort of new relationship, rebound relationship or something like that.
They might be afraid that if this other person that I just started seeing finds out I'm still
in contact with my ex, it could damage our connection or something like that.
Nobody gets into a relationship thinking that they're not going to do a good job with it.
They think they go into relationships, even rebound relationships, wanting to do their
best, wanting to be their best person that they possibly can be, and that includes your
ex.
They don't want to go in and think that they're going to be the kind of person that's sneaking
around, or they're the kind of person that's going to be cheating, or they're the kind
of person that's going to be having some sort of emotional affair, or they're going to do
something that's going to intentionally hurt their new partner.
So they could be holding themselves back because of this.
Potentially that new partner could be actively saying like, "Hey, I feel really uncomfortable
with you texting with this person or talking to this person who is your ex."
What can help is, again, you want to shift from that relationship focus down to the emotional-focused
level of communication.
That way you have a better place to build up an emotional connection between the two
of you and it's not this all-or-nothing way that many times relationship-focused people
tend to view things.
Your ex won't necessarily think like, "Okay, if I text you or if I call you, it doesn't
necessarily have a romantic context to it," at least in their conscious mind, so that
they can rationalize spending more time with you, rationalize building up the emotional
connection, and rationalizing doing things that feel good, that bring the two of you
closer together.
Where that connection leads, maybe it leads back together, maybe it leads to ending the
rebound relationship, I don't know.
But they can give themselves permission to explore what's possible between the two of
you in that context.
So that's the third reason that your ex may not be contacting you.
Of course, the fourth reason is a wild card event or situation that could be happening
in their life.
Maybe they're going through a stressful situation at work where maybe there's some kind of deadlines
and they have to work overtime and they're just completely wiped out and they don't have
time to text you or talk to you or connect with you or something like that.
Maybe they're going through some sort of stressful time.
Maybe there's a friend or a family member who's been hospitalized or is going through
a difficult situation and they want to be there for that person, and they are just taking
their own needs and priorities and putting them on the back burner, which may include
being in contact with you.
There's always that wild card that there could just be something that we don't know about
that could be going on in their life that's consuming a lot of their attention, consuming
a lot of their emotions, and all of that sort of stuff.
There could be this wide range of things.
Now, if you know, for example, that, okay, we fought a lot and they're probably still
hurt emotionally, then sure, go ahead, do what you need to do to clean that up.
If you don't know and you're just speculating and guessing, like, "Oh, maybe they're dating
somebody else.
Maybe they're going through a stressful time.
Maybe there's something that I just don't know about," then you don't want to jump to
conclusions about, "Hey, you're still upset at me," or, "Hey, you're probably dating somebody
else right now," because if you say these sorts of things in the wrong place and at
the wrong time, it can go over poorly.
What you want to do is you want to just let them know that you enjoy the connection that
the two of you have, but that it seems like something's holding them back.
You can invite them to come forward and share that with you so that you can actually have
something to work with rather than just ruminating and speculating and overthinking and over
analyzing everything.
Because the best way that you can move forward is to just actually do something that the
response or lack of response from that activity is going to give you information that you
can then take and use it to get more clarity.
Right?
If you ask them directly, "Hey, what's going on?" and they say, "Well, I just don't think
it would make sense for us to hang out," okay, you know they're relationship-focused and
you can start to shift down to connection and emotional focus.
Okay?
Anyway, I hope this helps you out.
I hope this helps to clarify why your ex may not be contacting you.
Once again, if you like what we're doing here, give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to
the channel.
Also, you may want to check out this video.
It talks more about how to connect with your ex on an emotional level.
It goes into the advanced relational skills that we teach and that we talk about in this
channel, in our coaching and our trainings, all of that stuff.
You may also want to check out this video over here.
Anyway, this has been Clay.
Talk to you next time, take care.