- In this video, I'm gonna show you the red flag signs
that you may be dating a narcissist.
These are red flags that you can look for.
Sometimes people misconstrue red flags for red roses,
but that's why awareness is so damn powerful.
So with this, there are certain things
that when you become aware of,
can completely transform your life.
I know that back in the day I would date,
I would either date people that had narcissistic tendencies
or I would attract narcissists into my life
in the form of, like, managers,
people that I would just, like,
believe that I had to have in my life.
I tell myself a story that I had to have them in my life
or that I owed them something.
And eventually I was able to break that pattern.
And when you break the pattern, it's a completely new world,
and you can actually start letting people into your life
that really resonate with you at a deep level.
Now, the first red flags sign is actually kind of funny.
It is something that my girlfriend said
that she experienced with one of her ex-boyfriends
or someone she dated for a period of time.
And basically what she said happened is,
it's kind of funny (laughs),
so the first red flag is a constant need for approval
and for validation and for the attention to be on them.
Okay, so my girlfriend had this experience
with a guy that she dated
where she went on vacation with him
and they were in this, like, beach like environment
and they were with some friends as well
staying at this house.
And she woke up one morning
and he gets up, this guy, and he stretches like this
and then he goes out into that
of, like, the living room area
where all of his friends were,
everyone else was already up, and when he went out, he said,
"Ah, just got done doing like an hour of yoga,"
of, like, Kundalini yoga or something like that.
He said that he just got done doing an hour of yoga
and said that everyone else was there.
And my girlfriend was thinking, "What the hell?
He literally got up, took a shit, and then walked outside
and said that he did like an hour of yoga."
And it was one of the first red flags for my girlfriend.
I was like, "Wait, there's something
this guy is putting out there,
wanting people to believe about him
that is actually, like, bullshit, not even true."
And this is something that is a common trait of people
that are trying to get their needs met
because maybe they believe they want the validation
and the approval, but they don't feel like they have it,
so they'll do anything, they'll go to extreme measures
in order to get their needs met.
I've met a few other people as well
that have this kind of tendency that,
I had a roommate actually that would lie about everything.
For a period, like, literally when I lived with this guy,
it was like he'd lie about everything,
and it was stuff that I think he thought
I would think was cool, but I just knew immediately
because I'm so empathic and shit
and I had a ex-stepmom that was a narcissist.
I could just immediately tune and be like,
"Oh, this is bullshit, this is bullshit,
this is bullshit, this is bullshit."
And after a period of time I was like,
"I can't be around this anymore.
It's too much bullshit for me."
I didn't feel, like, safe to even be around this person
because I'm like, "Whoa, this is like so far off
from what I could feel is actually reality."
Then I would find things
that catch those lies and stuff like that.
So it's interesting.
However, that constant need for approval
and the constant need for attention
is something that very common can happen
if you are in a relationship
with somebody that is a narcissist.
Because if you look at this little thing right here,
it kind of explains that of narcissism
in an unhealthy way on this side.
So you have where it says self.
This is where they want all the energy on me, me, me, me.
And a lot of times narcissists
do have a strong frame, a strong frame,
meaning like this is my sense of reality,
even though my sense of reality
is, like, I need all these things
from the external environment.
They have this energy going towards them.
Whereas many people that attract narcissists in their life,
they tend to be more empathic people
or people that focus more on others.
So narcissist focus to the extreme level on self,
empaths focus on other and they feel everyone else's energy.
So the thing to become aware of with this
is in a weird twisted way,
there is something to learn from the narcissist.
Now, the narcissist is an unhealthy expression
of the me energy, but at the same time,
narcissists are normally in either in their own frame
and they demand everyone else, like, adheres to it,
whereas the empath and the people
that are always focused on other are in their own frame.
They don't have a sense of self
or a sense of like, who am I?
And the thing that I've seen
so many people transform their life with that are empaths,
is to bring the energy into the hands,
into the feet, into the body, and to actually focus
on the separation between you and other people,
you and even like your the wall,
you and the computer, the phone, the TV,
whatever it is that you're watching this on.
When you feel the separation,
you start to feel safe inside your own body,
and it becomes very powerful on your own energetic field
because you're being more present.
So this is something to really look at too
because it's one of the things
that will help you to make sure
that you become aware of these, like, red flags,
that you don't continue to attract them over and over again.
Now, something else and another common sign of that
of somebody that is a narcissist that you may notice,
and this is just a common theme that I've seen
and also one that many I've heard many people talk about,
and that is that narcissist, generally,
a lot of it is very surface level,
and there's a certain degree
of shame that's there that says,
"I'm broken. There's something wrong with me."
So normally there's a reluctancy to get too intimately close
with somebody that is a narcissist.
So it's like, there's a certain level
of depth you can get to,
but then there's a like a block.
It's like, "Oh, I don't wanna go,
I'm not going any deeper than this."
And there's normally an intimacy block there.
Now, it's not to say that every person
that has an intimacy block is a narcissist,
but it's just to say that if you have the first one there,
they constantly need attention
and it's constantly always on me, me, me, me, me, me,
then that's a sign, then maybe that could be a red flag.
Now if you add to that to,
there's a degree of surface level,
and maybe that's what you fell in love with this person
or that you start you began liking.
You like the surface of it,
like the way that they put themselves together,
the way that you connected at that level.
And a lot of times as well, as hard as is maybe to hear,
there is a fear within yourself to actually go deep.
Doesn't mean you're an narcissist,
but it might mean that there is,
you familiarized a certain level of lack of intimacy
because maybe mom and dad were not very vulnerable,
they didn't encourage vulnerability,
and then we've normalized it, so then this feels safe.
I had to really look at this with myself
because I used to have the story
that I attract emotionally unavailable people
because I wouldn't look at myself
and realize that there's an aspect of myself
that is emotionally unavailable.
Very common red flag that you may notice,
also just, you can look at yourself in a powerful way.
And the key and the power
for me was to actually open up my heart
and actually be more vulnerable to share the real me.
Shame grows in the dark.
When you shine light on it and you share the real you,
there's a whole new level of freedom that comes with that.
Now, the third red flag
is actually one of the most apparent ones
that you may see that's kind of most obvious,
it's very obvious to see,
and I've noticed this across the board,
and most people with narcissistic tendencies
or narcissism is as very consistent,
there is a need and a desire within a narcissist
to look perfect, to not only look perfect,
but to be perceived as perfect.
These people, ironically enough as well,
love Instagram. (laughs)
They love Instagram
and they love the way they look on Instagram.
So there's like a perfectionism mentality.
They are perfect.
And a lot of times this also comes from,
I mean, perfectionism in of itself is a belief
that I must be perfect to be loved.
I must be perfect to accept myself.
And it's a worthiness wound.
It's like, "I don't feel good enough
so I'm gonna appear to be perfect
so that I get accepted and validated."
So these people normally have, like, perfect, you know,
they at least, like,
they may do their makeup absolutely perfectly, flawlessly,
or they may be, I mean,
a lot of this from my own perspective.
When I was watching the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp trial
and I'm not saying either of them, I'm not saying that both,
like Johnny Depp is perfect or anything,
but I was able to at least see a lot of patterns
within Amber Heard that I also noticed within my ex-stepmom.
Some people say, "Well, you're just projecting,"
or something like that.
But I was able to see a lot of patterns,
and I could tell, just by the way, the thing that the judges
and the reason I think the judges put that strongly
in Johnny Depp's favors
because they could detect the bullshit,
they could detect that it was all a facade.
The way she's like, "Oh, Elon, Elon,"
you know, talking about Elon Musk
and her relationship with Elon Musk is like, "Elon."
There was like a desire there
to, like, be perceived as like,
"Ooh, I was with Elon Musk, you know,
and Elon, we're on a first name basis,
just so you know, okay?"
But there was like, you could tell
that there was a lot of inauthentic threads through that
that were being projected
so that people would perceive of her in a certain way.
And she also many at times wanted to be perceived
as the victim, you know.
And I'm not getting too much into that
because I know that there's some people
that watched that that, you know,
I wasn't actually there
for what they both went through. (laughs)
But you could tell she was overacting.
If you watched the trial, you can tell the degree
to which things were overplayed out.
You could tell, go look
and see if you can find a single tear, you know,
throughout the whole entire trial of when she's fake crying.
You know, you'll be able to clearly see
that a lot of it is just very,
I don't know, bad acting possibly. (laughs)
You'll see.
If you go see it, it is very cringey to watch.
But the reason I share this,
there's a desire to look a certain way,
to have a certain story, and a similar way, people,
there's like a certain level of perfectionism that is ensued
because they want to be perceived in a certain limelight.
So this is something to be aware of
if you notice that like there's a desire to not share
the vulnerable side of life, to not show any flaws at all.
It's like, "No, I am perfect and I love Instagram." (laughs)
Not to say that anybody that loves Instagram,
you know, these are very,
these terms I'm sharing with you right now,
it's not all or nothing.
They have this one sign that this means or this,
but in general, there's common themes that you'll notice.
And if you notice,
like, all of these themes in your relationship,
then it's something to definitely look at.
That's all I'm saying.
All right, now the fourth sign that is like a red flag
that you maybe be dating a narcissist
is that this person lacks empathy
or any understanding of where you may come from at all.
A lot of times, narcissists,
they have their frame of reality, the way they see things.
And when you express your emotions to them
or you express how you feel or you express your needs,
there's like no capacity for them to even hear you.
I've had this happen before where I've seen it as well,
where somebody that I knew
that had those narcissist tendencies,
like somebody else came to them
to share something with them,
and it was like they were in their heads
and they couldn't even absorb or empathize with this person.
They're like, "Oh, okay, I gotta go."
And then there was like dipping out, you know.
There was no space for holding,
no capacity to hold space for somebody else
because there wasn't any degree of empathy that was there,
there was no way of relating,
there was no way of really feeling someone else.
And that's one of the things, especially in relationships,
one of the desires people may have is you wanna be felt.
It's not that you just want someone to listen to you.
You want someone to feel you.
You want someone to feel and to empathize
and to understand and to, like, feel with you
so you feel like you're not alone.
It's also very common for women.
One of a core desire many women have is to feel felt.
It's to feel like they're not alone,
feel like you're not alone.
Everyone, I guess at a certain degree
wants to feel not alone, but you wanna feel not alone,
but the way you feel not alone is by being felt.
And if you notice that you're with somebody
that can't empathize with you, that can't feel you,
that just listens to you and then, like, walks away
and can't hold space for you at all, it may be a sign
that they are so preoccupied with themselves
that they can't even empathize, you know.
And then sometimes these people may also just do things
that they wanna do with no concern
for other people's emotions and thoughts,
be very careless in that way.
And it's something to be aware of, like,
"Oh, does this person feel me?
Does this person emotionally available with me?"
And as you start realizing these, you'll start to see
whether your needs are actually being met or not.
And one of the biggest things for people that are empaths
that do attract narcissist
'cause that's normally the way that it works,
my dad was, or is, an empath and attracted my ex-stepmom
who was a total narcissist, is a total narcissist,
the lesson is to actually get more into your own body
and actually get more into your own frame.
When you get your own body,
when you get into your own frame, it's a powerful,
like, things in your life will begin to change.
I wanna share another thing that I noticed with people
that may be narcissists.
I know that when I've known somebody that has this tendency
or been around someone like this,
when they're around other people that have strong frames,
maybe that aren't even narcissist, but have a strong frame,
so a narcissist is someone else that has a strong frame,
they may get kind of quiet,
they may then later on tell you, "I don't like that person."
'Cause that person may threaten
the energy coming back to them.
So a lot of times the narcissists,
they tend to attract people to be around them
that just affirm their own reality,
people that put up with that kind of energy,
people that do feed them that energy, sometimes even yes men
or yes women or people that are just say yes
and/or always affirming them.
And if that person only has that kind of person around them,
then that is a red flag.
My assistant, for example,
she's been someone who's very close to me,
very good friend of mine as well,
she's been working with me for, like, two years
and before she worked with me,
she worked with, like, another spiritual teacher
who's a total, I didn't, like, really know this at the time,
but a total narcissist.
And she told me stories about this person.
And it was like mind blowing to me some of the things
that he would get away with, this person.
And anyways, one of the things though that she said
is that the kind of people this person surrounded themselves
was just people that always affirmed his reality,
and she eventually couldn't be around him
because she would challenge that energy.
I don't mind having people in my life
that challenge what I wanna do.
Not that like, you know,
like, are always trying to change everything,
but people that challenge or question certain desires I have
or certain things I do
because it helps me to keep myself in check in a way.
I'm not afraid to look at myself.
That's another thing with narcissists.
Narcissists do not wanna look at themselves.
I've yet to meet a narcissist that goes in,
I mean, maybe this is just...
Narcissists normally will be afraid
of doing plant medicine. (laughs)
This is something else that I've noticed
because there's a certain level of vulnerability there,
but not always actually.
I do know some people that they actually escape using it.
But in general, looking at yourself, it can be very scary,
and it can be scary whether you're a narcissist or not.
But what I'm saying with his narcissism
is that if it's an extreme, like, energy
that, like, it's me, me, me, me, me
and there's that they're not looking at themselves,
there's a lack of intimacy,
and the attention always wants to go to them,
you can look for those red flags and begin to see it,
and it will completely change
and help you to become aware of,
"Wait, where can I bring my energy back?
Wait, where can I actually be met emotionally?
Wait, do I want to keep feeding
this reality day in and day out?"
As you become aware of all of this,
it really helps you to understand more about who you are.
Now, I don't know if you've been to this website yet,
there's a website called whatsmyvibration.com
where you calibrate your vibration
and you get a meditation for elevating
your level of consciousness
and feeling safe in your own frame.
If you haven't checked it out yet,
go to www.whatsmyvibration.com.
Check that out, get that meditation,
and see how it elevates your vibe.
Listen to it for 21 days.
Also, one of the most powerful videos to watch next
is the co-dependency cure to never be needy again.
This video will completely transform your life.
Watch it right here.
In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you
the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again.
I'm gonna share with you
also my journey through this process,
what I've learned about the inner child,
how you can heal this process,
how you can be in your own frame.
This also is directly related.