Oh! No!
(all three) FIRST!
He was first.
- Yes! - Aw, man...
What can I help you with?
Nothing, just wanted to be first.
Are you sure that--
First to the elevator!
NO! No! No, no wait!!
Hi, I'm a white girl and I didn't see any of that shit.
You're gonna want the third cubicle on the left.
Hi. (gasps) I love your hair! Can I touch it?
Go away.
Oh, no you didn't.
Did I do that right? (chuckles)
Um, I took an arrow to the knee in real life, and I find these "arrow to the knee" comments on YouTube to be very offensive.
Just have a seat over there by the gentleman who's really butthurt.
Hi, I'm butthurt.
Which, of course, comes from the Latin "butthertia", which was an early way to convey... annoyance or displeasure.
Hi, my video series "Boobs React" is not getting as many hits as it used to.
Okay, let's check out your series...
This video is called "Maroon 5 Moves Like Jagger Official Video", and it is...
...you and your boobs talking about...
I went out with a bunch of friends last night, and, actually...
...not really friends, just one of the girls is one of my friends, and...
You're not even talking about Maroon 5!
I know, it's how YouTube works!
Not anymore. You're misleading people with that title.
Okay, so...
I should title my video "Boobs"?
Maybe just make a new video.
I think I'm just gonna title my video "Boobs".
Thank you.
Well, at least it's honest...
Why are the views at 304?
With 5,000 likes, there must be MORE!
Oh, yes. That's because the views haven't updated yet.
YouTube puts a billion videos out, you should teach your computers how to COUNT!
Well, when they let too many views through on a video, some of them can get trampled to death.
Well, don't you remember when thousands of views were killed during the Chocolate Rain Fiasco of 2007?
(gasps)
You just made that up!
Explain yourself!
Where's your supervisor?
What the hell?
Michael, you're a little bit flat.
You're a little flat.
I shot my daughter Hannah's computer on YouTube, uh, and she still didn't learn her lesson.
So now I'm gonna shoot YouTube's main server.
Where's that at?
Oh, right! Because she insulted the cleaning lady!
Cleaning lady?
You will not refer to her as a "cleaning lady"!
That woman works harder in one day than you have in your entire life!
All you have to do is answer the phone...
...listen to YouTube complaints, and wipe off the counter... tops.
You know what, I'm about to introduce your computer to my .45!
.45, this is a computer.
Computer...
Security, we're gonna need you back.
You are not allowed to talk on that phone, young lady!
You are on phone restriction!
I'm a good Facebook father!!
[gunshots]
I'm a racist who can't spell, and I just wanna thank y'all for the opportunity you've given me to spread my poorly spelled message of ignorance to the world...
...see, if I were to write on every single bathroom stall in the country, I wouldn't get half as many eyeballs on my work.
Speakin' of bathrooms stalls, where's y'all's?
Thank you, partner.
Hi, my audio doesn't match up with my video.
You're gonna want the Final Cut complaints department, it's down the street.
Thanks...
YouTube.
Hey, yeah, I don't like this whole YouTube redesign thing.
It looks pretty dumb.
Well, it's not for everyone.
YouTube IS for everyone, idiot!
I feel like you guys are just arbitrarily change things on here that don't even need to be changed!
No we don't.
I gotta go, there's a puppet here.
Who can I speak to about the abuse of animals on YouTube?
Well, what kind of abuse are you talking about?
Well, ever since that video of that hopeful yet ultimately disappointed dog got so many hits...
...my owner constantly gives me peanut butter in hopes that he will talk over my moving mouth, thus creating the next "viral smash".
But don't you like peanut butter?
I like the first 17 jars, but after a while it becomes downright insulting, because you see...
I can already talk.
Well, maybe you should work on your dog acting.
Maybe you should work on YOUR dog acting!
WHO FLAGGED MY VIDEO?!
The flag department is that way.
(unintelligible blabbering)
There she is!
Get her!!
(unintelligible shouting)
AAH!!!
(more unintelligible shouting)