Wait, why am I here again?
Right, I’m trying to be more social.
Okay.
At least there’s snacks.
This is, uh, fun.
When do I leave?
Okay.
9.30, which means I’ve been here for exactly 85 minutes.
Minus my 10-minute escape to the bathroom and the 20 minutes I walked their dog.
That should be enough, right?
It’s not weird if I leave now.
I mean I came, I…ate.
The music was good.
I’ve had a good time.
I’m about to have a better time finishing that book tonight but, this has been good,
too.
Wait do I say bye to everyone?
Absolutely not.
I’m just gonna leave.
Introverts.
We’re about a third to a half of the population so we’re not exactly some distinct species,
yet some people seem to not understand us and find us to be weird and strange or think
we’re all miserable or lonely—failing to understand that not everyone thrives on
external stimulation and that not everyone needs as much of it.
Opposite to some beliefs, the misery isn’t being an introvert, but rather being one yet
feeling like you need to hide or change who you are as an attempt to adapt to your surroundings—perhaps
because there’s a gap between who you are and who you want to be, or at least, who you
think you should be.
Now, this is especially apparent in our early years here on this beautiful little planet
called earth.
See, when you’re in school, at least in my days (like..5-6-7 years ago) the most common
mantra wasn’t exactly be your true authentic self and go on a self-exploration journey,
but rather try not to be the outsider and make sure someone picks you at group projects
so you don’t feel like a loser.
Exchange “group project” for something else and this might remain true in other situations
in life as well.
This is because human beings naturally seek acceptance.
We want to belong, and it’s quite fascinating and rather frightening how far we’ll go
just to fulfil those needs—so far that we sometimes stop caring about who it is we’re
really being accepted by and where it is that we are really wanting to belong.
Those things become of less importance to us, and perhaps that’s why we sometimes
end up in bad company and sometimes trouble—because hey, it’s still company.
And sometimes, in the process, that bad company end up being ourselves.
Be what others expect of you - get their approval - live happily, or, miserably, ever after.
The formula many people are way too familiar with and one that many of us fail to break
out of.
As for school, I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum.
I’ve had a lot of friends, a social lite—and I’ve also had no friends and no social life—using
the term friends rather loosely here, perhaps friendly company is a better word, since today
I’d define friend as someone you have a connection with, as for back then, I think
the definition was more of something like someone to keep you company.
I’ve also been somewhere in the middle.
Like many other people in school, I guess I was seeking some sort of external approval
rather than focusing on approving of myself, by doing what I thought I should be doing,
because it was the only way that seemed normal and acceptable.
You should think hanging out after class is fun.
You should look forward to getting to know new people.
You should love the first few weeks of university because they’re packed with super fun social
activities.
And the thing is, I did enjoy those things, a lot of introverts do— but at a lower dose
than most people around me seemed to enjoy it.
Like, a much lower dose, let’s be real.
Of course, I know now that about a third to a half of everyone else were probably right
there with me, but many of us are expert pretenders.
As Susan Chain wrote “…so many people pretend to be extroverts.
Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors
of corporate America.
Some fool even themselves, until some life event -- a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance
that frees them to spend time as they like -- jolts them into taking stock of their true
natures.”
And it’s not like we pretend in order to be deceiving in some evil type of way.
We just want to avoid being judged or being asked questions like why we’re so shy or
why we don’t talk more.
See, you don’t exactly want to tell people you don’t have plans but that you still
don’t want to hang out because you’ve already spent 8 hours a day, 5 days a week
in school and you just want some time to yourself.
You don’t exactly want to tell people you’re leaving early because you have a limited amount
of energy that you can spend on social settings.
You don’t exactly want to tell people you’d rather study alone because that’s how you
get your best work done.
But we should say those things.
If I could, I would encourage my younger self to do so.
Because, why the hell not?
It’s all this pretending that makes introverts feel misunderstood when in reality, there
are so many other people out there just like them, or, us, and we’re not just doing ourselves
a disservice by hiding our truth, but we’re doing a disservice to so many other people
as well.
Now, I don’t exactly remember what that life event that Susan Chain talks about was
for me—the one that jolted me into taking stock of my true nature.
I wish I did—perhaps it would make a pretty cool story.
I simply stopped feeling guilty for saying no, which actually lead me to saying yes more
often.
I stopped stressing about how other regarded me, which made think more of how I regarded
myself.
I stopped worrying about not socializing enough, which…
yeah, no, definitely did not make me socialize any more.
Now, this doesn’t mean you don’t challenge yourself.
This doesn’t mean you don’t step out of your comfort zone.
Pushing yourself is important, but there’s a fine line between pushing yourself out of
your personal desire to grow versus out of the idea that you need to live up to some
standard to satisfy those around you.
I personally definitely don’t do that enough, but I’m trying.
At the end of the day, it just means be yourself.
Yeah.
That’s what I’ve been trying to say
for the last 10 minutes..