Heya playa, have you ever tried to compliment someone only to have it backfire on you? Maybe
you said something simple to them like "you're awesome", "you're pretty", "you're beautiful"
and they didn't take it that way. Instead, they got annoyed or upset with you even saying
it. Don't worry, in this video, I'm gonna break down the three truths behind complimenting.
When to do it and when not to do it so that you don't overstep your boundaries and ruin
things with the person you're trying to talk to. This is The Josh Speaks. You're watching
The Josh Speaks. For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single
week I make videos sharing tips, ideas and stories teaching you how to be your best self
so if you want to learn and grow, hit the subscribe button and make sure to click on
the notification bell. Now each of these truths ties into one another so you're going to want
to stick around to hear all three of them to see how they all interlock to make sure
you don't keep making the same mistakes you're already making. Compliments should be specific
to an action. A lot of times people give basic compliments like "you look really beautiful"
or "you're really awesome", "you're really smart" and while those are pretty neutral,
pretty ok, I don't think they really help you better connect with that person. In fact,
it's the type of thing that anyone can say to that person so you're not really standing
out. But if you instead focus that compliment on an action that they've taken. Something
they've chosen to do, it actually makes that compliment way more personal. Here's an example.
"Hey, you look super pretty today. Just like, gorgeous". "Wow, you look good! Where'd you
get that top, that top is awesome". Looking at those two examples, you can definitely
see that the second one is way more personal. You've given the person a chance for them
to tell you about something that they've actively chosen to do. They picked out that top, they
like it, they can tell you where they got it and more. But with the first example, by
just giving them a compliment, all you're really doing is creating a space where they
can say something like "oh thank you" and then just move on. There's no personal connection,
there's nothing that ties the two of you together. They can have that same experience with someone
else so you're not being unique in that equation. The second truth will help answer that question,
how many compliments are too many compliments, and here's what I have to say. Over-complimenting
will always make you look desperate. It's an act of insincerity. If you're constantly
giving that person compliments, eventually they're going to feel like you're just going
overboard with it and you're just not really being yourself. Generally, when you compliment
someone you're doing so because you want to show them appreciation. You want them to see
that you appreciate who they are and what they've done but underneath it all, there's
always that sense of approval that we're seeking from them. You want them to say thank you.
You want them to compliment us back. You want to get some type of response from them that's
positive. So what tends to happen when you over-compliment someone? Well, their sense
of appreciation starts to drop more and more as your need for approval starts to rise.
And once your need for approval overtakes their sense of appreciation, they're going
to feel like you're not being sincere. You're not being genuine, you're doing it because
you just want to hear good words and it's no longer even about complimenting them. And
once that becomes the norm, they're going to start to feel annoyed every single time
you compliment them so what does that look like in a real-world example? Well, let's
say you're the type of person that's constantly telling someone "you're pretty, you're gorgeous,
you're perfect, I love you, you're amazing, you're awesome" over and over and over again.
Those words are just gonna fly right past them. They're no longer gonna stick, so does
that mean you should never give compliments? No. At the end of the day, people are people.
We appreciate being understood and seen by others. Sometimes that comes in the form of
compliments so, give compliments but like I said in the first truth, be very specific
when you do. And here comes truth number three. Now you're gonna wanna hear me out on this
because I wanna break this point down. Compliments can never replace acts of kindness. You can
talk all day long and compliment someone but, being there for them, talking to them in person,
having their back, acknowledging them, and seeing them for who they are is gonna take
you way farther. Listen, I get it. Sometimes it's just way easier to confess your feelings
to that person. To tell them how you honestly think but in doing so, you never really ask
yourself "Is what I'm saying something they can relate to? They can connect with and that
they can feel comfortable responding to?". A lot of people leave that piece out of the
equation. They focus on what they want to do and never really on whether or not the
other person is hearing them. That's why I think compliments can never really replace
an act of kindness. You can tell a person all day long "you're amazing", "you're cute",
you're this, you're that but, being there to actually have a conversation with them.
Showing the confidence to walk up to them to ask them how their day is going, looking
at them, smiling, showing that person to person connection is gonna take you way farther with
them. Plus, I think most people default to the easiest form of communication which is
texting and that's how they deliver most of their compliments but a text compliment is
never going to be the same as an in-person one. Think about it like this, let's say you
shoot your crush a text saying "You look so good in that picture" and at the end, it's
an emoji with stars in the eyes versus walking up to them in school, walking up to them at
work, or in the street, or wherever you see them, looking them up and down, smiling and
saying "Wow. You look gorgeous". Now look, that isn't to say that sending them that text
message won't give them all the feels but by doing it in person you're actually adding
so many more layers. Your body language, your tone of voice, eye contact, showing them that
you're comfortable enough to walk up to them. There's a lot of pieces that play on top of
you just delivering that compliment so if you want to maximize your chances of them
responding in a real positive way, you do it in person. And while most compliments tend
to stay at a very surface level of focusing on their looks, try to think a little deeper
as to what you want to compliment them on. Think about the positive things that they're
doing. Think about the influences they have on the people around them. Complimenting them
by saying something like "you seem like a really awesome person because you're so close
with your family" or "you're super fun, I see how all your friends light up whenever
they're around you", that's going to be a lot deeper and touch them a lot more than
just saying "you look really good today" all the time. I think each of these truths really
ties together to deliver a very simple message: When you compliment someone you're acknowledging
who they are. You want to make sure the depth of your compliment is really acknowledging
their personality. You want to also make sure you're not overdoing it by complimenting them
too much so that they start to feel like it's not genuine and you want to make sure your
compliment is acknowledging something that matters to them and you're doing it in a way
that you can be confident in your approach, not hidden behind your phone, saying it through
a text message. You wanna do it in person whenever you can. I'm curious though, what
do you think? Have you ever complimented someone and got a response back from them that was
kind of lackluster? Not really what you wanted or expected? Leave your comments down below
and we'll talk about it. I wanna give a huge shout out to all my patrons and YouTube channel
members. These are the people that help the channel grow so if you want to learn more
about how you can talk to me privately one on one every single month, check out Patreon,
the link will be over there. Also what I want you to do next is to check out the video over
there on the side where I go more in-depth on giving compliments. This is not just a
one and done type of issue guys, this is something that's important for you to learn about. So,
check out the video and I'll catch you guys next time. As always, love and peace!