Hello I m Darren Magee and today s topic is following on from the previous video looking
at how narcissistic people behaving in their own special occasions such as birthdays and
Christmas. In the last video I looked at some of the common attitudes and behaviours around special
occasions. In this video I'm going to be looking at some of the common motivations behind buying
gifts for people and some of the common attitudes and behaviours around receiving gifts. So just to
remind you narcissism so often characterised by a sense of entitlement and being self absorbed. They
can be very disagreeable and highly resistant to criticism. There is a constant need for validation
and admiration and a lack of empathy for others. These characteristics would be long term. They
would be consistent and pervasive. Not just once in a while. So to begin with narcissists can be
quite transactional and self-serving. They generally don't do anything unless there's
something in it for them. And special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas or whatever can be an
excellent opportunity to gain narcissistic supply. They get to show people exactly what they think
of them. They also get to be praised. And when it comes to special occasions, narcissists can
be just like anybody else. They can be incredibly generous, very thoughtful when it comes to buying
gifts. They can also be quite mean spirited. Although the following might really depend
on where someone is on that narcissistic scale, would mostly apply to a longstanding relationship
of some kind. But first of all they might not buy anything for anyone. Maybe it's not on their
radar, or maybe there's nothing in there for them they don't feel any obligation to. Or they might
by everybody in a particular group, perhaps in a family, buy everybody a gift except one person,
single them out to show their displeasure. Then there can be token gifts that they don't
put a lot of thought into. Now yes we can all buy something small and trivial for people,
perhaps on the periphery of our social circle. Narcissists might not necessarily put any thought
into something for somebody even close to them. Maybe it's just whatever is convenient, whatever
they could pick up on the way home. But it's not necessarily because they didn't have the time,
they were too busy, or they don't have a lot of money. Sometimes it's really because they don't
have a lot of empathy, so they might not fully understand or perhaps even care about what someone
might really like. But they might still expect gratitude and feel offended if they don't get it.
That being said, they might also expect a present that is worthy of them. Then there
can be insulting gifts. Gifts, interim Lydney be embarrassing or making a point. For instance they
might buy someone with a beard a packet of razors. These kind of gifts can often be hidden behind
cruel, unkind humour or feigned innocence. If they get challenged for the wrong kind of gift well
that person is maybe branded as being ungrateful, unreasonable or having no sense of humour. It
might even lead to a blow, up a huge fight so therefore the day is ruined for everyone. Some
narcissists might actually buy a gift for somebody that they would really like to have themselves.
They get to look good. They get to look generous. That person might even be very appreciative.
But they never get to see the gift again, and narcissist just keeps it themselves. There are
those who can be very generous, very extravagant, spend a lot of money, a lot of time and effort,
but not necessarily for those closest to them. To those that they want to impress. Those closest to
them, their partners, their kids, maybe just get token gestures. If they are being generous with
their partners and their kids, and this works on different levels. Many narcissists tend to see
others as extensions of themselves, that others are impressed by the generosity of the gifts.
Their ego was getting fed because they were the ones who provided it. Narcissists can also be very
competitive. They like to think that maybe they buy the best gifts and many enjoy that kind of
adoration for mothers. They enjoy hearing things from others, like, Wow, that is so generous. I
feel so bad. All I bought you was whatever. They get to present and maintain an image of being
loving, generous and kind and it can be something of an ego boost for them if they think others are
envious of how much money they've spent. Gift giving can also be away for a narcissist to show
who they favour more than others. Who they value more than others, where their preferences lie.
For instance the Golden Child might get the latest iPhone or whatever it is. The scapegoat might get
a bar of chocolate and be expected to share that chocolate. It's not uncommon for people to agree
rather than buying each other gifts maybe they could donate that money to charity. An altruistic
narcissist might actually make that decision for the other person without even discussing it. So
the other person is left with nothing and if they say anything, well they might be told they re
being greedy and selfish, What about those poor people over there? It s a bit of a win win for
narcissist because they get to virtue signal in front of others and feed off that negative energy
of the disappointment. An altruistic narcissist might also insist in front of other people, Do not
buy me anything. Make sure the money goes to that worthy cause , which of course the other person
does. However, the narcissist still expects a gift to open. But regardless of the price, the nature
of the gift, or even the type of narcissist, gifts can be used as a form of manipulation. It can be
a way of keeping a partner trauma bonded. The partner's life might be being made a misery but
a thoughtful expensive gift can have them question themselves, Well, maybe they've changed this time.
Maybe they really do love me. Maybe it's going to be great from here on in. Gifts can be used
as a way of making someone indebted to them somehow. They have to be eternally grateful.
They re forever telling that person how good of them it was to buy that, how much it cost,
how hard it was to find. Gifts can also be used as collateral. What do you mean I don't care?
Do you know how much that cost? What do you mean when you say no? After what I bought you?
Why are narcissists about receiving gifts? Well I think narcissists tend to like gifts that reflect
their status. As I said, they can be competitive so they want the best. If it is something they do
like, something extravagant, well they like to compare that to other peoples gifts. They liked
too brag, Look how much this cost, look how much I'm loved. They enjoy the adoration and the envy
it might bring up and others. Then there are those who just want something to moan about.
Doesn't matter what it was. They'll complain about what they got, what they didn't get. Draw
attention to how disappointed and unappreciated they are. The gifts they bought for other people
were far more expensive. There are those who might insist they don't want anything at all, and then
complain they didn't get anything at all. Then there are those who may just open a gift, look
at it then set it down. Not even acknowledge it. It's not that big a deal because someone else's
gift for them was so much better. They might not even hide their disappointment. Is this all you
got me? Did you see what I got you? So again, what we see is that sense of entitlement and
competition. They might even just open the gift then hand it straight back. I don't want that,
I don't like those things, that's not my brand. Expect the person to go in exchange for them,
for what they do want. Or in a close relationship, say a partnership, one might buy the other one
maybe an expensive watch, an expensive perfume, nice jewellery, the latest electronic gadget.
The narcissist looks at it, thanks them for it, then asks for the receipt so that they can go and
change it for the one they would really like. So I guess to sum it up, if they can't get admiration
and envy they ll settle for pity and misery. Now whether, its gift giving or receiving, regardless
of the thought or the lack of thought that goes into it one way or another, remember, it's about
them. So that s a brief outline of some of the dynamics are wearing gift giving and receiving.
So it was a lot of things I haven't added. Please feel free to use the comment box below. There
are some interesting conversations start around these videos. If you like this video, if you find
it interesting, please consider subscribing to my channel. And until next time, thanks for watching.
The car air freshener in the box of light bulbs was very generous. Just what I needed. Thank you.