- I was going to do a joke for him
and he would wanna hear my set
and then he was gonna take me on the road with him
and then we were gonna fuck and make so many babies.
It was gonna be so fuckin' dope!
That's not how it happened.
(lively jazz music)
- Hi, I'm Jenny Zigrino
and this is why you should never meet your hero.
The year was 2008.
I had just come off a study abroad trip.
Someone in my dorm had shown me this comedian
in England named Russel Brand.
What!
So it was before he had become famous in America
and I was hooked!
I loved everything about him.
I loved his swagger, I loved his jokes,
his fuckin' hair, his dumb boots.
I was all about Brand.
So when he was coming to the States
to do his hour special with Comedy Central,
which, by the way, if you go look at it,
I'm in the audience.
So he was doing his hour special.
I bought my tickets.
I was like yes, we are gonna go see Russell Brand.
I'm gonna meet my hero and tell him that I started standup,
for the second, 'cause of Russell Brand.
I get my friends together.
We end up going.
We're front and center.
Seen my beautiful face on that special five times.
Yes, I counted.
Afterwards, I wrote this letter to Russell Brand,
this beautiful letter that said
"Russell, you're my favorite.
"I love you so much!
"I started doing standup because of you.
"You've inspired me."
And then I was gonna give it to him,
I was going to do a joke for him,
and he would wanna hear my set
and then he was gonna take me on the road with him
and then we were gonna fuck and make so many babies.
It was gonna be so fuckin' dope!
That's not how it happened.
So, we get out, I'm waiting for him in his trailer,
and there's all these other girls that are there too.
We're sitting and waiting and he gets out
and it's like this whole fucking god experience.
All these girls are just like oh my god!
And he comes out, arms open,
just like "thank you, thank you!
"Gratitude, gratitude!
"I love you, I love you all, I'm Russell."
Totally hamming it up.
So he's saying hi to all the people
and then he finally gets to me
and I say, "Russell, I love you so much.
"You've inspired me so much to do standup again
"and really pursue this and I was hoping that I could do
"like two minutes of material for you."
And he gets very quiet
and then his eyes kinda roll to the back of his head
and he goes, "agh!
"I don't have time to have sex with all these people,
"let alone listen to your bit!"
And I'm mortified.
He does this in front of all these girls
and then he goes, "ugh, look, just be truthful.
"Tell the truth.
"The truth will set you free.
"Be truthful, do honesty, be truthful", yada yada yada.
Takes a photo and then makes out with the girl next to me.
I'm not shitting you!
He just turns to the girl next to me,
she goes, "can I kiss you", and he's like, "yeah, babe.
"Ahh!"
And I'm just sitting there mortified
with this note that I had written to give to Russell Brand
and he just completely ignores me.
By the way, at the bottom of the note,
I did say "P.S. you can put it in my butt,"
which that offer still stands, Russell.
So then cut to last year.
Russell Brand is doing his tour
of his new dumb book that he has out.
I was like I have to confront him
on this thing that I've been holding in
for 11 fucking years.
I go to the show, I pay for the ticket, I stand in the back,
and he's like, "okay, we'll open it up to questions now."
I was like I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna talk to him.
I get the mic and then I go, "hey Russell,
"as an addict, and I'm an addict and you're an addict,
"how do you deal with forgiveness,
"for forgiving someone you feel has wronged you?"
And he just takes a really long pause and looks at me
in this way of we both know that we know each other.
And then he goes off on a tangent
that means absolutely nothing,
did not answer my question at all,
and then I say, "hey, I'm a comedian 'cause of you."
And he goes, "yeah, I thought you were a comedian
"the way you held that mic."
And I was like, "okay, I guess?"
And then he goes, "well, let's tell everyone your name."
And I was like, "Jenny Zigrino"
and he goes, "Jenny Sabrina!"
And I was like, "that's not my name.
"Zigrino."
"Jenny (stuttering) Sobrano!"
"It's Zigrino."
"Zigra?
"Zigraina?"
And I was like, "It's Jenny Zigrino."
And he just goes, "Jenny Zigrino, everyone."
And then I walked off stage and I left that day
and I think I got the closure I wanted?
Maybe?
I dunno, he can still put it in my butt.
Just don't meet your heroes, they suck.
(echoing beeps)