- OH, BOY, THAT'S A LOT OF ENERGY Y'ALL HAVE.
[cheers and applause]
WHOO!
I WAS WATCHING YOU OUT HERE.
YOU'RE HOLDING YOURSELVES AND...
[laughter]
I LOVE THAT YOU WERE HOLDING YOURSELVES.
AW.
BUT REALLY, THERE'S A LOT OF GREAT ENERGY HERE.
HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE ARE COFFEE DRINKERS?
OR DO YOU DRINK--
[cheers and applause]
THE OTHER PEOPLE DIDN'T HAVE ENERGY
TO RAISE THEIR HAND OR REACT.
[laughter]
I'VE ALWAYS SAID I LIKE MY COFFEE
LIKE I LIKE MY MEN--
I DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
BUT I...
[laughter and applause]
DO YOU LIKE STARBUCKS? YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
I READ SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING--
UH, WELL, YOU'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT, REALLY.
APPARENTLY WITH ALL THEIR DIFFERENT COMBINATIONS,
YOU CAN MAKE 80,000 DIFFERENT DRINKS.
ISN'T THAT CRAZY?
80,000.
AND IT'S TRUE.
I'M GONNA NAME AS MANY AS I CAN.
ONE: COFFEE.
UM...
TWO: ICED COFFEE.
THREE...
DONE. I DON'T KNOW...
BUT YOU CAN MAKE 80-- I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS THERE ARE 80,000 DIFFERENT WAYS
TO GET YOUR CAFFEINE IN THE MORNING,
AND WHEN I WAS A KID,
THERE WERE TWO WAYS TO WAKE UP:
BLACK COFFEE OR A ROOSTER.
THOSE WERE THE TWO WAYS.
I GUESS YOU COULD CHOOSE THE SIZE AND THE SWEETENER
AND THE TEMPERATURE AND THE FLAVOR
AND THE TINT AND THE COLOR
AND THE CUP HOLDERS AND THE POWER STEERING
AND THE ANTILOCK BRAKES AND-- I'M SORRY.
I WAS LOOKING AT A SUBARU FOR MY MOTHER THIS WEEKEND.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT COFFEE.
I LIKE THAT PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS.
I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
THERE ARE PEOPLE, THOUGH, IN FRONT OF ME IN LINE,
AND YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
YOU'VE SEEN THESE PEOPLE.
THEY ORDER THE TRIPLE SOY GRANDE HALF-CAF MOCHA
AL PACINO LUPITA NYONG'O AND--
[laughter]
IF I'M NOT BEHIND SOMEONE LIKE THAT,
I'M BEHIND SOMEONE WHO APPARENTLY HAS NEVER BEEN
IN A STARBUCKS BEFORE.
THEY JUST STARE AT THE BOARD.
AND THEN TEN MINUTES LATER,
THEY JUST GET THE NORAH JONES CD,
AND THAT'S ALL THEY ORDER.
[laughter]
MY ORDER IS VERY SIMPLE.
IT'S ICED GREEN TEA.
AND I CAME UP WITH A GREAT IDEA.
YOU KNOW HOW GROCERY STORES HAVE EXPRESS LANES?
MR. STARBUCKS, IF YOU'RE LISTENING,
YOU SHOULD PUT IN EXPRESS LANES
FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN ORDER IN TEN WORDS OR LESS.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
RIGHT?
AND WHILE I'M AT IT--
THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART--
THERE SHOULD BE A WHOLE SEPARATE LINE
FOR PEOPLE WHO COME IN WEARING SPANDEX BIKE SHORTS.
[laughter]
AIN'T NOBODY WANT TO BE BEHIND THAT.
ANYONE HERE WHO GOES TO STARBUCKS
EVERY SINGLE DAY, EVERY DAY?
[scattered cheers]
REALLY? EVERY DAY?
- [laughing]
- AND YOU'RE JUST LAUGHING, LIKE, HYSTERICALLY.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
- ME? - YEAH.
- ALISON.
- ALISON? WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
- I LIVE IN WEST HOLLYWOOD. - UH-HUH.
AND YOU GO EVERY SINGLE DAY? - YEAH, I DO.
- WHAT DO YOU-- AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY?
- NO, DIFFERENT TIMES.
MY WORK SCHEDULE-- - MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU ORDER? WHAT'S YOUR DRINK OF CHOICE?
- I GET EARL GREY TEA.
[laughter]
- LIKE, HOT EARL GREY TEA?
- YEAH.
- CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE THAT AT HOME?
[laughter]
THAT'S CRAZY. YOU GO TO STARBUCKS--
HOW MUCH IS THAT THERE?
- IT'S, LIKE, $2.50.
- WHAT?
JUST GET YOURSELF A BOX OF EARL GREY TEA
AND PUT IT IN A CUP, WOMAN.
[laughter]
YOU'RE WASTING MONEY.
[cheers and applause]
I DON'T MEAN TO PICK ON YOU.
YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
BUT DO ME A FAVOR, IF YOU WILL.
JUST-- YOU'LL BE BACK QUICK,
'CAUSE IT'S DOWN ON THE LOT.
IF YOU'LL GET ME--
THERE'S A STARBUCKS DOWN HERE,
AND I HAVE $20 IF YOU'LL GO GET ME
AN ICED GREEN TEA, A VENTI.
AND--COME ON DOWN.
AND THEN, UH...
[cheers and applause]
OKAY.
- [laughs]
- ALL RIGHT, ALSO-- SO THERE YOU GO.
AND THEN I WANT YOU TO PUT THE DOLLAR
IN THE TIP JAR, AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE LOOKING
WHEN YOU--'CAUSE, YOU KNOW--
I HATE WHEN YOU PUT THE TIP IN,
AND THEY'VE LOOKED DOWN,
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "I JUST PUT A LOT IN THERE."
ANDY, WHERE ARE YOU? - THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU GO GET ME ONE, AND I'LL MEET YOU BACK--
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, WE'LL CHECK ON ALISON AND SEE HOW SHE'S GOING.
HAS SHE GOTTEN THERE YET?
I SENT A CAMERA-- OH, SHE'S ON HER WAY.
HURRY UP, ALISON.
- [laughs]
- YOU JUST MISSED SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY
WE JUST DID HERE.
- HI.
- ALL RIGHT. - HI.
- I AM GETTING A VENTI ICED GREEN TEA.
- VENTI ICED GREEN TEA.
SWEETENED?
- UH, NO, I THINK.
I THINK NOT SWEETENED.
- YOUR NAME?
- I'M ALISON, BUT IT'S FOR ELLEN.
- ELLEN, OKAY.
IS THAT GONNA BE IT FOR YOU?
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
- GET YOURSELF AN EARL GREEN TEA.
I MEAN AN EARL GREY.
- [laughs]
- ALISON, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
- YEAH. - WHY IS SHE NERVOUS?
- YOU--YOU SHOULD GET YOURSELF AN EARL GREY TEA AS WELL.
- OH, OKAY. THANK YOU.
- IS THAT ENOUGH?
- YEAH. - OKAY.
- COULD I GET A GRANDE EARL GREY TEA AS WELL?
- OH, GRANDE. ALL RIGHT.
[laughter]
OKAY. - [laughs]
- WOW.
ALISON HAS TO BE BACK WITH MY TEA BY NOW, RIGHT?
- YEAH, WHERE IS ALISON? - WHERE IS ALISON?
I'D LIKE MY TEA. IS SHE--
ALISON!
- ALISON!
[cheers and applause]
- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
OH, THAT'S CHANGE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- DID YOU GET MY LATTE?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- A LITTLE LATTE AND LIKE--
- WOULD YOU GO BACK AND GET GEORGE A LATTE?
USE THAT. DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?
- I DO. - ALL RIGHT.
IF NOT, UH, JUST PUT IT--
I HAVE A TAB THERE OR SOMETHING, SO GO BACK--
- JUST WITH SOME SOY--
YOU KNOW, A LITTLE SOY. - SOY LATTE.
- HALF A SUGAR IN THE RAW. - YEAH.
- SOY, HALF A SUGAR IN THE RAW.
- OKAY, THANK YOU. YOU'LL BE BACK.
OKAY.
BY THE WAY, I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU.
HERE'S A $1,000 GIFT CARD TO STARBUCKS.
- [gasps and squeals]
- SO...
- THANK YOU SO MUCH! - YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND KEEP THE CHANGE.
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE BACK.