Now, he may say
he's not ready because, one,
he just doesn't want a relationship with you.
And I know that might be
hard for you to hear
and a hard pill for you to swallow.
But I don't want to give you no BS.
I don't want to sit trying to
give you this nice answer
that makes you feel okay because
that doesn't really help you in this situation.
(Music)
Hey what's up everybody,
this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks.
Now, I just want to be real with you right now.
You know when I sit down
to do these videos,
I sometimes overthink
and over analyze
and wonder how I need to
convey these messages to you.
But you know, my favorite thing to do
I know what my best practice is, is
to pray before I speak on these videos
and just let my spirit lead me.
And so, with today's video,
I want to address this issue
that I'm constantly
getting questioned about by women.
Whether I do my lives on social media,
them emailing me,
and it's always about
well, he's not ready for a relationship
what should I do?
How should I handle this situation?
All right.
So, let me make it real clear up front.
When he says he is not ready
for a relationship,
stop dealing with him.
That's the first plain and simple answer.
But let me further explain this
because again, so many women
get caught up in these situations
going about it the wrong way
and only causing more problems for themselves.
Listen, here's the reality,
when a man tells you
he is not ready for a relationship
number one, do not get confused
by the fact that he may behave in a way
that makes you feel like
he has feelings for you.
Because that can be very confusing
and you can start to latch onto his actions
even though his words are telling you
something completely different.
Now, I know we always say
actions speak louder than words,
but in situations like these
the actions and the words
have to be consistent with each other.
If they're not, there's a huge problem.
And so, when any man can say to you
he is not ready for a relationship,
that is the default answer.
I don't care what he does for you.
I don't care how he treats you.
If he says he is not ready for one,
do not make yourself believe otherwise
because you're setting yourself up for failure.
Now, he may say he's not ready
because one,
he just doesn't want a relationship with you.
And I know that might be hard for you to hear
and a hard pill for you to swallow.
But I don't want to give you no BS.
I don't want to sit trying to
give you this nice answer that makes you feel okay
because that doesn't really help you in this situation.
The reality is that
he does not see you as the one for him.
And you know what?
That's perfectly fine
because he's not the one for you.
And I'm glad at least
somebody's recognizing that in this situation.
Don't internalize that,
don't take it personally in the sense that
there's something wrong with you.
Listen, it doesn't matter how amazing
and great of a woman you are.
Everyone is not going to like you.
Everyone is not going to see you
as their potential wife
or someone they want to invest
their time and energy into.
And that's fine because
you're not going to view every good man
as someone you want to invest into
and spend your life with.
It's just the way life is,
we don't connect with everybody,
we're not going to want to
take it there with everybody.
So be it.
The quicker we can recognize that,
the quicker we can move on
and be ready and willing to receive
someone who is truly for us.
So, again, he just may not see you as the one,
but rather than tell you that,
he'll just say I'm not ready for a relationship
because he may want to
enjoy you in the moment.
He may want to continue
to hang out with you
and gain whatever benefits you provide
without him having to commit to you
and you obligate him to being
officially in a relationship with you.
But regardless, you've got to take him at his word.
He says he's not ready for a relationship,
leave it at that.
But now, there's a other side to this.
He may say he's not ready for a relationship
because guess what? He's actually not ready.
He may recognize within himself
that there are issues he needs to address
or there's some foundations
that he needs to set.
Again, it may have nothing
to do with you as a woman.
A matter of fact,
it may be out of respect for you
because he views you in high regard.
He does believe you deserved the best
and he recognizes
he is not prepared or willing
or able to give that right now.
And if that is the case,
you still have to leave his ass alone.
It doesn't change anything
because guess what?
If he is not ready to give you what you need,
then you don't need to be giving him what he wants.
That's only going to shoot yourself in the foot.
You've taken away any incentive
for him to get his act together,
for him to be able to come back later
and you guys can come together
and be in a relationship.
So, regardless of whether
he doesn't see you as the one
or he's truly not ready
the answer remains the same.
You have to let him go.
Now, a lot of women
attempt to play the middle ground
and still remain friends and they'll say to themselves
well, I'm not going to have sex with him.
I'm not going to get too involved with him.
But you got to stop lying to yourself
because many times you fall
right into that trap.
You end up doing girlfriend stuff,
you end up sleeping with him,
and even if you don't, you become
so emotionally invested
and consumed by this situation
that it completely takes your eye off of
where you should be focusing.
You, your relationship with God,
your purpose, your growth,
you cannot let this man
be a distraction in your life.
If he is not ready
to be what he needs to be for you
or to fully commit to you
then let him go.
When he's ready, he can come back
you guys can discuss it
and if things are what they need to be,
then you can have a relationship
with this individual.
But do not get caught up
trying to play the middle ground,
because you're only going to play yourself.
So, ultimately listen,
there are going to be some situations
where the man is just lying.
There are going to be some situations
where the man is being honest.
Either way, you don't need
to get romantically involved with him.
You need to be honest with yourself
that you cannot handle trying to be
just his friend in the meantime.
And if there's truly a connection there,
there will be an opportunity later on.
But you don't need to be sitting around
waiting for that opportunity.
You need to shift your focus back on you.
You need to make sure you're doing
what God wants you to do in your life.
And when you do,
you'll receive everything that is truly for you.
Don't get caught up in these situations.
Do what needs to be done,
focus on your growth,
and you're going to see
the blessings come your way.
(Music)