- So here's the truth, we used to die from rejection,
we had to belong to a group to survive.
And if they abandoned us or cast us out, reject us,
it could kill us.
We no longer die from rejection. But you know what?
We still feel as we will. We still feel as if we're so fragile
that rejection could kill us.
It's not going to kill you.
It can actually make you stronger. Keep watching.
I'm going to show you how and I'm going to show you why.
Being able to cope with rejection and deal with rejection
and put it into perspective can change your entire life,
because, after all, nobody can reject you
without your permission.
If somebody loved you once, thought you were smart
and intelligent and funny and sexy and amazing,
and then, suddenly, they don't, that doesn't mean
that you have lost all those qualities.
One of the key things to do with rejection
is to remember something profound,
no one can reject you without your consent,
which you never have to give them.
You get to choose. "I am not going to let rejection in.
"I can choose to let this in or to not let it in."
Imagine, like me, you write books.
And I'm very lucky, immensely lucky,
because most people who read my books love them.
They leave me really beautiful reviews.
It's why I do what I do.
But sometimes, I get one that goes, "I hate you.
"I hate your voice. I hate the way you dress.
"Who do you think you are coming on here
"and telling us how to behave?
"You're boring. You're stupid.
"I hate you." And I have a choice.
"Oh my God, you hate me? Oh, well, who cares?
"You hate me? I don't know you.
"You don't know me. You're making a judgment."
And, by the way, who sits at home going, "Let me
"be really mean to someone"?
Someone unhappy.
You know, the truth is, happy people are benevolent
and unhappy people sometimes are mean and critical.
Not always, but you get to choose every day,
"Shall I let this in?
"Someone said something so mean."
But a mean person isn't a happy person.
Why would you let them hurt you?
And they probably don't mean it.
They're having a bad day.
And you have the choice to let it go.
Improve your self-esteem. And here's a clue.
There is nothing that will build your self-esteem
like self-praise, looking in the mirror and going,
"I'm a nice person.
"I matter. I'm kind.
"I've got a good heart."
So practice self-love and self-praise
by saying the things you want to hear.
"I'm good. I'm kind.
"I'm loving. I'm amazing.
"I'm nice. I've got a warm heart, a beautiful smile.
"I've got something amazing to offer."
Praise builds your self-esteem faster than anything else.
There's no shoes you can buy, no cake you can eat,
nothing that will build your self-esteem like your praise.
Other people's praise is lovely, but yours
doesn't have an agenda.
So practice self-praise. Praise yourself.
Be nice to yourself.
When you can fall in love with you,
you'll never be rejected.
Falling in love with yourself is a lifelong romance
that never disappoints you, never berates you,
never forgets your birthday.
And if you want to find love and be rejection-proof,
you have to believe you are lovable.
When you say to someone else, "Prove I'm lovable,"
you've given them the power to love you.
You've given them the power to make you know
you're lovable, and guess what? To remove it any time
they like, deliberately or because they may get ill and die.
But when you put into yourself the truth about you,
you are lovable. You are rejection-proof.
You are lovable. You always have been.
You always will be. Make that a statement of truth.
"I am lovable. I accept myself as lovable."
Say that every day. "I am lovable.
"I accept myself as lovable. I always will be lovable."
Say it, state it, affirm it.
It will powerfully boost your self-esteem
and your sense of self-love.
And then you cannot be rejected because you know
that the only person that can really
and truly reject you is you.
And you'll never do that yourself ever, ever, ever.
And allow rejection to spur you to greatness.
And I'm so glad my first boyfriend dumped me.
He was a great guy.
I loved him. He loved me.
Something went wrong. He broke my heart.
But I was 17. And now I'm glad I learned a lot.
I'm glad I got dumped from one of my first jobs.
And I'm glad I had to leave college. I did go back later.
Because each rejection in its own way
can teach you something.
One of the best things that happened to me
was that, "I'll show you.
"You told me I'd amount to nothing. I'll show you.
"You said I'd never be anything. I'll show you.
"You said I'd never find anyone else like you."
Someone said to me once, "You could do
"a lot worse than get back to me."
I said, "You know what?
"I'll do a lot worse. Then I'll get back to you."
Because I knew that I was going to leverage that pain
and that horrible breakup.
And I was going to do that, "I'll show you."
It's like Gloria Gaynor, "I will survive.
"Go on now. Go walk out the door.
"I'm busy loving someone who's loving me."
So use it as leverage.
Don't get into the, "Oh, I'll die without you.
"I'll never find anyone else.
"I'm broken. Unbreak my heart."
Sing a better song, "I will survive.
"I'm finding someone new. I found a new love.
"I found someone amazing,"
Sing a different song, leverage it,
and have the, "I'll show you."
The only revenge you ever want is to be happy.
So let go. Move on.
Love is all around you.
Sometimes we're looking for love in all the wrong places.
Don't look for love.
Just know that you're worthy and it will find you
just as surely as you can find it.
If you want to radiate confidence so you're not dependent,
not needy, not hung up on needing people
to make you feel worth it, if you want
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It's all there for you to take, and I can't wait
for you to have it.