Heya playa, if you're planning out a first date with someone that you like,
you might be worried that things might get awkward.
How do you keep that conversation going?
When do you make that first move?
There are a bunch of questions that might be at the top of your mind so
I want to walk you through how to make that first date an awesome one.
One of the biggest mistakes that I see people make when they're planning out
a first date is that they're not specific enough.
Instead, they use this kind of vague language and leave things way too open-ended.
"Hey uh you're pretty cool do you want to go out sometime?"
"Oh, thanks but uh what did you have in mind?"
"Uh oh, I didn't think that far ahead.
I was just so focused on you saying yes I didn't even think about what we can do."
"When would you want to hang out, like Friday or Saturday?"
"Uh, Friday or Saturday? Uh, what did I have to do? I think I had
to walk the plant and water the cat. Oh, man."
The whole purpose of a first date is really to take the time to get to know that person better.
You want to see if the two of you are compatible and if it makes sense to
continue having more dates to see if you can grow that potential relationship.
So when it comes to picking an activity focus on that simple baseline.
Pick something that the two of you might just casually enjoy,
maybe it's a walk in the park or a picnic or just hanging out by the water.
But remember the key piece here really is to see if the two of you really vibe.
But, how do you vibe?
How do you talk to them and keep that conversation going without
things kind of hitting that lull and being awkward and silent between the two of you?
Well, the best thing you can do is to go deeper into the conversations that you're having.
Here's an example.
Let's say you're talking about your favorite movie,
both of you guys answered that question and you're left wondering now what do I say?
Well, you can always go deeper into the why.
Understand why they like that movie, when was the first time they watched it,
did they watch it in theaters when it came out, do they watch it on Netflix a lot, what other movies
do they like that's similar to that, are there similar actors in that movie that they also like
and outside of movies what are other things like tv shows and books and music that they also like?
The key to any really good conversation comes down to expanding on the subject matter.
Not just leaving it at one-word answers and moving on.
Plus as that person begins to share more it also gives
you the opportunity to share more about yourself.
That's what's going to help you guys really learn to see if that compatibility exists.
I put together a free guide of 20 ice breaker conversation starters that you
can start using on your next first date which I'll link up to at the end of this video,
but now I want to share a super-secret technique that I use every single time
I'm having a new first interaction with someone.
The challenge with the first date is that you don't really know this person so the way that you
communicate your body language and more really gives that signal that this is a first date.
So what you really want to do is pretend.
Convince yourself that this is actually a third or fourth date because
think about what your body language would look like later on down the process.
First date.
"Hey so uh, tell me what's your favorite movie?"
Second date.
"No way you have no plans to ever go to Disney world not even just once in your life?"
And third date.
"You're lucky you're cute because I don't tell
anyone that about me. Come on, let's go grab something to eat."
As the dates progress you're gonna feel more and more comfortable around that person,
so what if you were to just kind of carry that energy that you're going
to have later on down the line in the beginning?
What you'll end up doing is allowing that person to
easily jump into that comfort level a lot quicker.
They're not going to feel awkward as much in the beginning because they're going
to see that you feel totally comfortable, open, and real with them from the get-go.
Plus, the one thing that your date is probably also looking for
in that first interaction with you is to feel at ease.
They're probably also worried about coming off awkward or weird
or saying something dumb that's gonna make you not like them.
And the sooner you can create that environment, the better that date is actually going to go.
But...
And this is a big but, don't fall into the habit of people-pleasing.
This is another huge mistake that a lot of people
make because they want that first date to go really well.
They don't want to rock the boat, they don't want to say anything controversial,
they don't want to do anything that might make this person, not like them.
But in that process, you end up being way more reserved and just not really open with them.
"I'm curious what's your like most favorite food ever to eat?"
"My favorite food? Uh... what's your favorite food?"
"Oh um I would say probably pizza, but what about you?"
"Pizza I love pizza! Pizza is my favorite food too!"
"Oh cool, all right here's a tough one and this is gonna be a make or
break between us what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
"Ice cream flavor? Uh... what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
"Oh um maybe cookie dough."
"Cookie dough? I love cookie dough! Cookie dough is the best! Who doesn't love cookie dough!"
"You know it's kind of annoying that you're just saying you like everything that I like."
"You find that annoying? I find it annoying too! What a coincidence, we have everything in common!"
Something that I think is really easy to forget sometimes is that this person agreed
to go on a date with you which means that they want to spend one-on-one time with you.
They want to get to know you better.
They want to see what you have in common.
They want to see where you guys differ.
You're not there to just try to win them over, you're there to see if they're a good fit too.
If you really want to focus on things not being awkward on that first date,
you need to present your authentic self.
That means being honest and real with them.
Letting them know your thoughts and feelings and experiences because in doing so
you're giving them the opportunity to share that also with you.
A first date can be short and inexpensive and when it comes to making that first move
really only do it when you feel like you have a bit of a bond with that person.
Don't make the move just because that's what you're supposed to do on the first date.
Really wait till that person feels a sense of comfort around you because when you do make that
move you want them to reciprocate and enjoy it and want to participate in that activity with you.
"So um we're here at your door."
"Yeah, we are. Thanks again for walking me home and again I'm really really sorry that
I had to go early because you know my mom called me said it was an emergency.
*Smooching sound*
"Maybe we could hang out against some other... what are you doing?"
"Oh no no... Um, I was just smelling. I'm just smelling. Something smells weird around here."
Remember the best thing you can do to make sure that first date
isn't awkward is to have an idea of what you want to do beforehand,
have some conversation topics and ways you can go deeper into them, and communicate
with that person as if you've known them for a long time so that both of you feel at ease.
Check out the link to my 20 ice breaker conversation starters over on the side
so you can see what you can talk to your crush about in the near future on your first date.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.